Has this ever happened to you? - AfroChat - African American

Nyela · October 15th, 2007, 06:14 PM

I was having a discussion with a superior about a subject matter. She appointed me to be a group leader for a project. There are only two blacks in the group of 12. We were having a discussion about something that came up and she would never respond to me. So I commented again about what my issues were with what we were working on. She dismissed my comments a second time. Then one of the white women spoke up and said I think what Nyela is saying is such and such. I was infuriated. So I spoke up and said, I don't have any trouble articulating my thoughts or enunciating my words. You don't need to restate what I said, I'm sure she understood. I speak excellent English I told her. So the superior looked at me in dismay and then said " OH, is that what you were trying to say?" She then responded favorably to me. I was so angry about that. So I asked her if she thought I was inarticulate and poor in enunciation, why did she appoint me to be the project leader? She didn't comment, just walked away.

The superior was black.

What do you do when you are ignored until a white couterpart steps in and has to "break it down" for the one to whom you were speaking?

JABOOM · October 15th, 2007, 07:37 PM

.....Tough question.....

I have went to the point of either doing it with out the "superiors" involvement. Took the idea to another person in that position or just truly letting that person know exactly how I felt.

I think the reason the situation went the way it did with you was because you both were black women and she might have felt threatened by you presents EVEN THOUGH she asked you to be on the "team" she saw that you idea may have put a bit more notice on you and she feared that her position as well as her intelligence would be put into question.

matrixone05 · October 15th, 2007, 07:45 PM

I don't know. Tough situation. But I will say she showed a total lack of professionalism. She sounds like an idiot to me.

sephari · October 15th, 2007, 08:00 PM

you can always ask her what her problem was...

afrocentric · October 15th, 2007, 08:13 PM

i gonna have to go with the majority here. thats a tough question to a tough situation. sounds like you might have had a situation like this before with her before u decide to blow up. and then again i might be wrong.

Nyela · October 15th, 2007, 09:25 PM

Thank you for your comments. It is tough. I'm there to offer my support to her in any way I can. I would never undermine her in anyway. I want her to look good no matter what. But I think I will speak with her about it and ask what the problem was. I've tried to let it go and I can't.
Thanks for your input.

The Dragon · October 15th, 2007, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nyela

Thank you for your comments. It is tough. I'm there to offer my support to her in any way I can. I would never undermine her in anyway. I want her to look good no matter what. But I think I will speak with her about it and ask what the problem was. I've tried to let it go and I can't.
Thanks for your input.

I don't know what to say because like yourself I don't understand the woman's reaction to you. Yea, instead of holding a grudge talk with her.

I am dying to hear what her excuse is.

afrocentric · October 16th, 2007, 01:02 AM

for real...me too.

Lediamand · October 16th, 2007, 01:35 AM

Hmm thats a tough case you got here, but its bad no matter how you look at it, for the simple fact she ignored you and responded to the white girl, spoke volume about what she thought of whatever you were trying to say, it cen be good or bad depends on her answer. In any case ignore someone in a group discussions is rude and unprofessional, You need to talk to her and clarify this.

Sumyr · October 16th, 2007, 10:38 AM

Nyela, Hi Sis! I need to speak the truth to you as I believe that is what you are here for. I haven't been in this exact situation but I've been in a similar situation. Regardless of what has happened you need to focus on damage control. Right now, your superior and subordinates view you as combative and possibly even intimidating. You and I both know you don’t have a problem relaying your thoughts or ideas to others. But that is the way you are coming across to those you work with.

First-things-first, study how others deliver their thoughts and ideas in meetings. Perhaps it is the tone you choose to use when articulating your ideas. Example: The Jones Case should be our top priority. (verses) We need to work on the Jones Case RIGHT now! You get what I’m saying. Don’t approach your superior right now about the situation that occurred; wait a few days. Change your demeanor and don’t let anyone know that you are upset. Come in to work for a few days cheery even and greet everyone with pleasantries……….nice weather, did you watch so-and-so show, what did you have for lunch……..that type thing. This isn’t about “kissing-@ss” but more so saving your own @ss and not coming across as an overly aggressive, hostile employee, which will lead you either in human resources or eventually out the door. And we don’t want either.

Then after you have created a friendly work atmosphere for you and your supervisor approach her with your concerns, but in a pleasant but firm tone. This will let her know you are serious, but you aren’t coming on as overly aggressive. Obviously, she does have some trust and faith in your work skills or she wouldn’t have put you in charge of others. So, salvage what you can of your working relationship, especially if you really like your job and most of your co-workers (nobody likes everyone they work with LOL). Trust me if you even remotely like your job stay and work it out as there “WILL” be problems on other jobs.

Always remember you always want to leave a situation smelling and looking like a rose……..like I know you are. Good luck with this!