Has this ever happened to you?

[robbboy2003]

This is interesting. I'll tell you what i think about this sista. Some of us Blacks are our worse enemies. Some have the dang notion,that,if there's another qualified Black person around,then it demeans,or somehow takes them out of the spotlight. I hope she's not one of those,but be aware some are three faced back biting snakes. I'm going to stop here sis,from giving you poor,or bad advice. Thank you Jesus! I'm in a position of strength job wise to say bluntly what i feel.

I understand what little sis says is nothing,but the truth,but it screams at a person like i . I would get girlfriend alone and have a one Black Woman to Woman chitchat. I would give her all the professional courtesy,but i'd also explain,that that dang respect door swings both ways sista! Now, do all this talking in a low,but definitely understood tone. There's another angle also sis. It's some women just rub others the wrong way. It probably wasn't,or will ever be about what,or how you say anything. If it's that,then you'll have to get another woman on here to give you some suggestions on coping. Peace and i pray things will work out!

[Mr Gumbo]

Originally Posted by Sumyr

Nyela, Hi Sis! I need to speak the truth to you as I believe that is what you are here for. I haven't been in this exact situation but I've been in a similar situation. Regardless of what has happened you need to focus on damage control. Right now, your superior and subordinates view you as combative and possibly even intimidating. You and I both know you don’t have a problem relaying your thoughts or ideas to others. But that is the way you are coming across to those you work with.

First-things-first, study how others deliver their thoughts and ideas in meetings. Perhaps it is the tone you choose to use when articulating your ideas. Example: The Jones Case should be our top priority. (verses) We need to work on the Jones Case RIGHT now! You get what I’m saying. Don’t approach your superior right now about the situation that occurred; wait a few days. Change your demeanor and don’t let anyone know that you are upset. Come in to work for a few days cheery even and greet everyone with pleasantries……….nice weather, did you watch so-and-so show, what did you have for lunch……..that type thing. This isn’t about “kissing-@ss” but more so saving your own @ss and not coming across as an overly aggressive, hostile employee, which will lead you either in human resources or eventually out the door. And we don’t want either.

Then after you have created a friendly work atmosphere for you and your supervisor approach her with your concerns, but in a pleasant but firm tone. This will let her know you are serious, but you aren’t coming on as overly aggressive. Obviously, she does have some trust and faith in your work skills or she wouldn’t have put you in charge of others. So, salvage what you can of your working relationship, especially if you really like your job and most of your co-workers (nobody likes everyone they work with LOL). Trust me if you even remotely like your job stay and work it out as there “WILL” be problems on other jobs.

Always remember you always want to leave a situation smelling and looking like a rose……..like I know you are. Good luck with this!

Great advice right there.

[Nyela]

Thanks for sharing Sumyr, but I never even thought about leaving. Not sure how you came to that conclusion. I've been doing this for 10 years. My superior and I don't have any issues. We get along just fine and so do the others and I. My point in posting was to find out if any one had ever experienced a white person having to reiterate your opinion to another black person as if the person did not understand. I'm not in fear of losing my job. I'm extremely stable and am not concerned. My job performance and attendance record is top notch. I was just sharing one incident that occurred because it bothered me.

Incidentally, we talked today. I don't know if she was telling the truth, but she seems to have believed that others were not following what I had to say. So she didn't respond and after one of the others was able to reiterate the point, she realized that we were all on the same page. I don't believe her but I acceptd what she had to say.

I have my own opinion about why she behaved that way. I thought it was because I didn't respond to what I perceived to be an advance towards me. But she wouldn't mention it and neither did I. So I'm going to let it go.

[Nyela]

Originally Posted by robbboy2003

I would get girlfriend alone and have a one Black Woman to Woman chitchat.

Thanks Robbb. I tried that. Didn't get a straight answer.

Thanks everyone for sharing your perspectives. I do appreciate them.

[ardamus]

Business is business and that was very disrespectful in a professional manner. Its a tough situation but she should've at least answered your question in private. In a work environment thats productive, you should be able to work out whatever it is you're going through in order to do business right. Because at the end of the day, we all work to keep our plates full and kids safe.

[Sumyr]

Nyela, I hope you are at peace after talking with your superior and hope you don't encounter any more problems. But you mentioned something about unwanted advances. If this is the case and it happened at work, this is sexual harassment. I hope you don't have to continue to endure unwanted advances and the problems that can arise from them.

If others weren't following you, why didn't she just simply ask you to elaborate more or something along those lines? Some leader she is as its going to get quite annoying having others speak for you.

I still say something isn't quite right about this, but if you are going to let it go I hope all works out for you.

[sonflour_2001]

Here's what I'm hoping WASN'T her problem...

I'm praying that she isn't one of those black people who feels as if a person can only be an authority on something unless he/she is white.
On the same note, I'm also hoping she isn't one of those people that knows that such sentiments are bullshyt, but is still playin that game to save face in front of white co-workers because she doesn't wanna seem too chummy with the only other black woman there...
Hoping that none of this is at work here.

Prayin for you.

Deondra

[Constance]

Talking to her is the best thing you can do right now let her know how you think about her reaction

[Samoon]

"I still say something isn't quite right about this..."

I agree with both Sumyr and Deondra...I smell a kettle of stinking fish.

Alright, I'm going to keep it real here. From my standpoint, whether anyone will openly admit it or not? Sistas have the biggest "power struggles" with other sistas" from "quiet" to outright "acting a fool." And yes, this can even spill over into sexual competition as well if there are men in the mix. I've been in the trenches folks and I've seen it all. Discernment is a blessing and will save your arse many a day--once you learn how to use it. For there are individuals in workplaces that will not see you as a viable "threat," that is, until you come out of the box on 'em. Just when they think that they may have you pegged...at any rate, in your case you are intelligent, elucidate yourself well and apparently you have quality (or possible) management skills.

Starting to get it now, Nyela?

Many black women STILL have not learned or just outright refuse to learn to "protect" or help to insulate one another in the workplace, especially workplaces that are permeated in institutionalized racism. One of my altruistic traits includes helping another sista to "step up HER game." Other sistas have asked me why are you helping so and so? And I tell them, "because you refuse." Your supervisor may have a case of "one upmanship" under the veneer or guise of that green-eyed monster. Why do I state this? I looked at the time frame that you referenced--you two have known one another for ten years? And in ten years, this sista has not been able to dedeuce if you are a "leader" or a "follower?" Just food for thought, sis.

And why NOT have a sense of cohesiveness with another sista in your workplace? Other races do so, why can't you both? In fact, more "Sista-hood" groups should BE formed in the workplace.

"It is business and it IS personal" Get away from the workplace and just talk--as black women and learn what the expectations are for both of you and go from there. My best.

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by Samoon

"
"It is business and it IS personal" Get away from the workplace and just talk--as black women and learn what the expectations are for both of you and go from there.

This is an effective method especially if you're working with an emotional stable and rational being . Definitely, I would have to agree with you that conversing woman to women is the most viable route.