His new girlfriend...

[The Dragon]

I am a little upset today, even though I know I should not be. The guy I was liking and for a minute messed around with, tried to introduce his new "girlfriend" to my cousin and her husband. I don't know why I would even be upset; we could not make anything out of our involvement. The whole encounter started off wrong anyway.

When I first met him I noticed some ill things about him. At the time I was single and open for involvement so I was checking him out. I came to the conclusion that he was not "boyfriend" material. I am eleven years older than he plus some other things about him that are just ill. So I decided that he would make a good F**K since I was horny as hell and had not had any in years. I could tell he was digging me too. But I thought I would play it cool.

Well eventually I told him how I felt and that I was not looking for a relationship with him. I made sure I wanted it to be understood that this would not go on all of the time and that we should continue to be able to get alone. But guess what? I did not factor in my feelings.

After the act he made it known that he wanted us to be more open around other people, after all we were intimate. I was wondering what the hell he was talking about? I explained to him the situation, how "I" wanted things to be. Well eventually I opened up to him. At the time I was not seeing anyone and he was not seriously involved so I was like, "What the heck, we can get closer." To make a long story short, for the past almost 3 months I have not experienced anything but sadness and heartache.

He totally flip flopped on me. When I decided I would get a little closer to him, he began to push me away. I do know that I came on to strong for him. Well I had not dated in years and admit I was a little desparate and eager. But he was backing away and making excuses as to why he was not compatible, I was confused.

We only had sex about 4 times. Each time he left me feeling sad. I mean the sex was good but the after affect wasn't. I started denying his requests; I watched porn to deal with my horniness. During our interactions I discovered he had problems with intimacy. He also let me know that he thought fornication was a sin and that each time we finished our escades, "God" would scorn him for doing it.

I knew from the jump I had no business messing around with him but I wanted to believe so bad in my heart that we could eventually make it work. I liked him (and still do) so much; To much. He started telling people I was his woman but I would not go for it. He flip flopped on me to much and just plain hurt my feelings. One night I got him to come into my room and I cried my heart out to him. I wanted him to know that we should just be friends and get alone. I told him about my hurt feelings and childhood issues and so forth. He apologized for any wrong he had done. I felt so much better.

I'm not mad or terribly hurt about his new friend. I hope they can get something started and make it last. I also hope he gets off of drugs before allowing her to get to serious with him because he sure is a crack head... This is what I was also very concerned about and trying to help him defeat.

I learned to important things; You cannot rescue a man so don't try and you cannot help a drug addict, they have to help themselves.

I am disappointed though even though I shouldn't be. Im lonely and need to find a friend. And I wanted so bad to make this young man into something he was not and could never be, for me anyway.

I don't wish him any harm, I really don't but I am wondering, when will my ship come in? When will I be able to say, "This is my boyfriend" and introduce him to my family and friends?

Man I am so sick of being alone. Pray for me. Real hard.....

[MilitantWombMan]

Woah....Aren't you the one who said you didn't want a relationship with him...how else did u expect this situation to turn out...
I think you need to do a little self love as well before you can have a good healthy relationship...

[Sumyr]

Hi Dragon girl. I'm sorry that you too have found yourself in the clutches of a relationship that was doomed from the very start. I know with recent events I am the last person that you would want to hear advice from. But I feel your pain and please believe me when I tell you that something better, much better awaits you.

The hardest things to do regarding love is what will turn out in the long run to make our lives a lot easier. I just read a piece yesterday entitled "The Guy" that I want to share with you. I can't remember the author of it.

The Guy

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

I'll be praying for you.

[RaInEdomThoughtz]

Originally Posted by The Dragon

I don't wish him any harm, I really don't but I am wondering, when will my ship come in? When will I be able to say, "This is my boyfriend" and introduce him to my family and friends?

Man I am so sick of being alone. Pray for me. Real hard.....

In a way it sounds like you feel you have to "prove" something to your family and friends. Dont want love just for show. Take time out to love yourself and be intuned to your needs and what YOU want and when you least expect it you'll receive what you NEED. Otherwise you'll make desperate moves just because you feel like time is running out, or you feel you NEED someone to love or complete you or because you see others "happy".
Love yourself because if you dont, then you dont have much to offer to anyone.
Other than that, I know youll be O.k.

[passionate]

Hello
I was kind of in the sitiuation including the messed up childhood I had a lot of time by myself mostly because the people I did have in my life I pushed away. When I looked around I was so lonely cause it was only me all the time!
Some how I realize I did the pushing and then finally either they gave up or I made the situation unbearable. Similar to what my mother did including unheathly relationships and giving so much of myself to a man that I had nothing left for myself or anyone else.
You definetly have to look with in yourself and find what you LOVE about you. If you can't find those things then work on what makes you happy then work on finding a heathly relationship. I did the same thing finding someone I don't care about but attracted too, to take care of my needs and I was sure no feelings would be attached. But in the end we are human and women and when it comes to our bodies we usually take that very personally. And to be honest he didn't hurt you, You hurt yourself by putting your heart and your body at risk for someone you already know wasn't right for you.
It will happen be patient and stop turning stones for love or encouraging a relationship with someone you don't see your self with. I have been with a very loving person for 3 years now it seemed like it took so long to find him honestly but now that I have time is flying and I am happy more so then I had been in years of messing with the wrong ones that gave me more baggage and heart ache. If you need a friend I am here feel free to email me we can be pen pals like in the days :) Good luck and god bless and remeber the best is yet to come!
Sincerly Dulcie

[The Dragon]

Thank you all for your comments! They are truly appreciated. Yes, I take all of the blame for what happened because I did know better. I just wanted to believe so bad in my heart....

I know, foolishness. But it is deffinitely over for me if not for him too. I learned the hard way about making sound common sense decisions and not letting my emotions and passions over run my senses.

I noticed that you all mentioned self-love; This is an issue for me I admit. I have over looked this aspect about myself and the poster that said if I don't have self-love, I have nothing to offer anyway was right; You don't have a damned thing to offer anybody in this world if you don't love yourself first!

Now I can work on this everyday. Boy! It is so much more to this story then I feel like even getting into. But it is also right that he did not hurt me, I hurt myself so I can't even take it out on him. The bad thing is, he lives under the same roof as I do. God help me when his girlfriend comes over, of course I will be respectfull but I haven't quite gotten over my feelings for him. But I am doing better about it everyday.

Thanks for the kind words of wisdom and bless you all!

P.S. I know there is something a thousand times better waiting for me. I must be patient though. No more desparate horniness for me!

Again,
Thanks to you all.

[goodcookinmama]

Originally Posted by Sumyr

Hi Dragon girl. I'm sorry that you too have found yourself in the clutches of a relationship that was doomed from the very start. I know with recent events I am the last person that you would want to hear advice from. But I feel your pain and please believe me when I tell you that something better, much better awaits you.

The hardest things to do regarding love is what will turn out in the long run to make our lives a lot easier. I just read a piece yesterday entitled "The Guy" that I want to share with you. I can't remember the author of it.

The Guy

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

I'll be praying for you.

please pray for me to shoot that the kind of love that i want here its only bullshit not the real stuff

[Sumyr]

please pray for me to shoot that the kind of love that i want here its only bullshit not the real stuff

Goodcookinmama - It seems to be a shortage going around of good men. I'll let you know should I find one. In the meantime, I'll be praying for all of us.

[The Dragon]

I went out last night and man I'll tell you I felt 100% better! I even got a couple of phone # which only one I will be utilizing. I didn't feel better until I met the guy who is calling now. When I went downtown with my cousin I was feeling so down and out. Now I'm still on this good feeling high; I realized last night that it was not a man that I was missing, I just did not want to be alone....

I have to admit that I am still dealing with my feelings to an extent. Just a little bit. I have not dated alot in my life so i'm still learning things I probably should have learned in my teens. We'll some of us are slow and others of us are extremely slow...

Now all my sistahs and brothas hurting over lost company, just find a friend to spend time with and I promise you will feel better. Now I did not say look for a mate or a f**k buddy I said make-some-friends.

Peace
The Dragon

[LadyDivine]

Dragon, From my email files.......


Secrets to Healing After Leaving a Painful Relationship!
by Susie and Otto Collins

It very easy to get into a relationship. But, it's usually very difficult to get out of one that no longer serves you and begin the healing process.

It seems that everywhere you look, many long-standing relationships and /or marriages are dissolving. In this week's article we thought we'd give some suggestions to help those of you who are still going through the healing process.

Our suggestions are :

1) To never look at a relationship (or anything else) that didn't work out as a failure. Robert Schuller, the famous TV evangelist and founder of the world famous Crystal Cathedral said in his book "Success is never ending Failure is never final" --"Failure doesn't mean you're finished, it does mean you have a chance." He also said, "Failure doesn't mean God has abandoned you...it does mean God has a better idea." Often it's the seed of a current or past "failure" that fuels you to the very success that you've always dreamed of.

2) Turn from the past and look toward the future...YOUR future. As Tony Robbins says "Your past does not equal your future. Sometimes after a separation, we find ourselves dwelling in the past, our thoughts consumed with that other person. You will begin to heal
when you start thinking and writing about what you want for your life.

3) Know and understand that there are no "accidents" and that everything happens in divine order. Every thought, every moment, every action, every relationship and every event that happens in your life, happens to propel you toward your next phase of learning and personal growth.

4) Acknowledge, without blame, your part in the breakup of the relationship. When it doesn't work out, then two people have to share equally in the responsibility of the breakup. No
matter who appears to be at fault.

5) Learn from the patterns of the past. Stay conscious in all your relationships so that you won't repeat the same mistakes.

6) Give thanks for the lessons that you learned in that relationship. Honor that person as a teacher, here to help you on your journey.