Why Do Black Parents Love Drama?????

[Curious1]

I know that the following figure of speech "threat" must irk you: "I brought you in this world..I'll take you out"

I used to believe that phrase when I was a teen..I had tough olders raising me..
I have some non-black friends who claim some non-black parents threaten to disown a child of theirs. I've heard stories where these non-black parents Actually DO " Disown a Kid" (write folks out their wills,ignore them and any family they may have as adult,just consider a child of theirs "dead" in their eyes.

Blak,it seems you have a lot of hostility against Black Parents or parents in general.I could be wrong...

Curious1...

[Blak]

Originally Posted by Curious1

I know that the following figure of speech "threat" must irk you: "I brought you in this world..I'll take you out"

I used to believe that phrase when I was a teen..I had tough olders raising me..
I have some non-black friends who claim some non-black parents threaten to disown a child of theirs. I've heard stories where these non-black parents Actually DO " Disown a Kid" (write folks out their wills,ignore them and any family they may have as adult,just consider a child of theirs "dead" in their eyes.

Blak,it seems you have a lot of hostility against Black Parents or parents in general.I could be wrong...

Curious1...

Why, becuase I dont let things slide and dont hold black parents in as high an esteem as they hold themselves, do I gotta be "hostyle"?

All I am doing is pointing out things people refuse to see and representing a side of the story that no one esle will step up to speak on....and its understandable with some things I have seen and heard about.

I am just asking questions and throwing opinions out like anyone else involved in these message boards. Why aint other people refered to as hostyle for some of their very strong views?

Blak

[Curious1]

Originally Posted by Blak

Why, becuase I dont let things slide and dont hold black parents in as high an esteem as they hold themselves, do I gotta be "hostyle"?

All I am doing is pointing out things people refuse to see and representing a side of the story that no one esle will step up to speak on....and its understandable with some things I have seen and heard about.

I am just asking questions and throwing opinions out like anyone else involved in these message boards. Why aint other people refered to as hostyle for some of their very strong views?

Blak

I haven't gotten around to the "other people" yet..naw,just kidding...I was not implying that you don't have the right to speak your mind. In some of your posts you just have a way of turning a post into something a Parent did wrong.Of,course,You have the right to speak your mind in your real life and your cyberlife.I just noticed that a running theme..or bone of contention with some of your post is the negative faults and problems with Black parents.I'd rather post with someone who posts like you than one who agrees with every little thing and just co-signs with others.I love post dialoguing with those with opposing and often troublesomely stubborn points of views. I love challenges.

Maybe it't just my experience and exposure in my little microcosm of the world,but a lot of Black parents I know have never expressed any thoughts that they thought they were invincible or infallible.They say disciplinary,"keep the kid in line" idle threats, just like any other parents. And I only Azzume maybe where you're from your country doesn't have a large percentage of single parent homes.It is tough trying to raise a kid to be a Woman or to be a Man,Alone. JMHO,but a Single Parent is damned if they do and damned if they don't.Besides society,here has such juxtaposed positions when it comes to child rearing points of few.Either a parent is supposed to show TLC by"Tough Loving a Child" or by " Tender Loving a Child"...many Black parents particularly single mom's have to be "Trans gender" parents be Both Mom and Dad..and kids get to be some tough little people.

I know many people who were raised under some tough black sinlge mommy- to grandmommy women who had to do it all alone.They "had to" stay on them (esp.the guys) because the schools would be calling or other neighbors would have been complaining more.These kids,now grown folks, are now some very professional men and women with a solid sense of moral value and ethics as a person and behavior.
"Big Madea's" no nonsense ways have saved many a Black person from self destruction....JMO.We are a tough race to "raise"..Time out may not work for every Black person or child..

You aren't supposed to hit a child so what do you have left but an idle threat of disciple.I mean this is the real world.People have to learn to follow orders,even kids.

What positive alternative "parenting" methods or suggestions do you have for parents who may feel they have to resort to "idle threats" to keep a kid in tow.

Curious1 :she-devil :coffee-n-

[Blak]

You are making alot of assumptions. My country has many single moms and the rate of that in the black community is very high here. Second...it is not that I am saying nobody should hit a kid or occaisionally make threats...but when that is all you do, there is a serious problem. I get in convos all the time where all anyone says is..."the belt raised me...without it I would be in jail so that is all that is needed". The narrow one track mindedness and total lack of perspective, together with the overall negative attitude towards "these kids today" plays into my problem with black folks. They know basically one solution to the worlds problems rather than many for each problem.

When ever someone says otherwize, they are lashed out at and discredited. You cannot tell me that single moms can only raise their kids one way....I know that is BS from hearing from single moms in the rough areas with multiple children.

Do you think I am so dtupid that I feel all children should be coddled....and tht all families should be like the Brady bunch??? That is the tone you took with you last post.

I get tired of people not reading what I say and assuming.

As for your coment that I turn every post into a black parents fault........guess what.....yall aint perfect and alot of **** IS YOUR FAULT. I only say it when it is the truth and before you point fingers.....for every post I make indicating black parents as the problem 100,000 are made directing all blame, including for the actions of black parents, on the children.

You are employing a tired tactic. I have been called a troll, crazy, white, that my parents must have been really abusive.....etc....anything to make it seem like my reality is skewed just becuase I hold people, who hold them self in the highest esteem regardless, responsible when they screw up. Why should black children be judged harshly, like adults, and black parents be handled with the "kid gloves"?? What community problems will that solve (saying: we are perfect,....it is the rest of the world that is wrong)??

Blak

[Curious1]

I never said kids have to be spanked nor will I ever say the kids are only to blame.I said "you're not supposed to hit a child" and I said Tough Love Love..or Tender Loving Care..is the dichotomous position many parents are in.They are in a quandary when it comes to what or how they should or should not discipline their child(ren)..

I am not a single parent.I just know A LOT of single parents..It was my ignorance,because as stupid as it sounds,for some reason..I thought.I felt Canada was a little better in terms of relationships and committments..I thought the black men stay with the families they help to bring in the world..
I stand corrected and duly noted..

My tone????

Curious1...

[Java]

Why are black parents soooo drawn to the negative that when there is no specific negative parenting experiences in thier life for more than 24 hours.....the start fanticizing on their kid acting up and them punishing the kid to put their minds at ease????

I applaud you for having the courage to ask this question. I think that some people in general are just prone to thinking in the negative. Maybe experience and environment causes them to look at life through dim lenses. If nothing negative is going on at the moment they will create it because that is their mindset.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the good fortune to be raised in an optimum home that encourages growth. In some families, you better not think you're hot stuff by thinking highly, or you got cooled down real fast. If the child has good behavior most of the time and make good grades he or she thinks their better or they're acting white.

How many parents encourage their children to be "whatever you want to be in life?" How many parents nurture the talent they see in their little ones? How many reward good behaviors in their kids? The sad thing is, our parents sometimes don't do this because they are too busy making a living, or trying to protect us from disappointment and humiliation maybe they had suffered.

When the child grows into an ambitious young adult, there may be a darker motive. Jealousy. Many parents never had the opportunity that children have today. Some of us grow up blooming with qualities our parents had to squelch. They see you getting glory they had never got. They had to sacrifice their dreams for your sake. And sometimes people just don't want other people or their children to show them up. They have to pinpoint something negative in you to console their own inadequacies.

Obviously, this is not the case with all black parents. I happen to believe there are parents that want the very best for their children and work tirelessly to make it happen. But the reality is there are a lot of parents falling short. If you have a good child and it’s not because of your parenting skills count your blessings.

[Blak]

JAVA:

Thanks for the response. I have noticed the jelousy (crab in a barrel) thing attached to the situation of black parents and their children a while ago. I am glad someone else notices too.

Some dont want to see their kid doing better than they did.....and MANY dont want to see their kid learn lifes lessons in an easier, less embarressing, less painfull way than they did.....so they find any reason to apply all the suffering they went thru to their children.

Constantly talking up how "bad" kids today are creates an atmosphere where what ever the parents do to the kids seem justified. As I stated earlier, black parents are excellent at scaring themselves. I have heard many assinine statements from people who were pregnant or had babies about how the kid would try and kill them in the future if they dont whip them for any wrong doing. These parents will most likely step to the kid with this scared attitude and assume they are dealing with satans child, the kids will suffer, and none of the neighbours with do anything because everybody knows "all kids are bad".

Thanks for bringing your perspective. You are brave yourself. I have been standing up to the black wall of silence for a while and rarely has another person stood beside me in the line of fire.....thankyou. :)

Blak

[Java]

Blak I agree with what I see as truth and you spoke it. You know any type criticism of parents in the black community is pretty much taboo. But the truth is parents are not perfect they make mistakes and are products of their upbringing. If they grew up abused, with a non-caring and un-nurturing parent(s) that is likely the type of parent they will be because that's all they know. Children are typically a product of their environment. Unfortunately, there are children being born to mentally unhealthy people. That is why child abuse, neglect, and crime are on the increase.

At some point we've got to break the generational curse. If it means getting therapy, religious conversion, or whatever. We've got to love and nurture the genius in our kids. We've got to stop telling little boys who don't have a girlfriend by age 10 something is wrong. And girls who don't have hair down their back that they're not pretty. It's time for more parents to nurture, instill dignity and confidence in our children. If not, our future looks bleak.

Blak this subject is close to my heart because we just buried my young cousin whose throat was cut. His elder brother was killed violently in the 90s. Not long ago we buried one of my teenage nephew's who was shot in the head. In each one of these cases they had a absent parent or was neglected as a child.

I have a nephew now that is trying to do the right thing he's in college and making good grades. Yet, family members are ostracizing, nitpicking and calling him stuck up. It's as though they want him to fail. Neither parent is in his life. His mother is incarcerated and will be an old woman when she gets out of prison. His father is a crack head. Sometimes he discusses his life with me in tears. That should not be he didn't deserve all that misfortune. But thankfully, he is excelling against the odds and hopefully one day will heal from his childhood wounds.

Thank you for creating this topic to allow me to express my feelings. :)

[Blak]

No problem JAVA. Many dont care to see the fallout from this behaviour. I am disturbed when I see it and no one seems to givea daaamn. I had to come out and say this. I was tired of hearing the negative comments and tired of the buck passing when it comes to the fall out from negative and down right nasty behaviour and treatment that goes along with the talk.

Sorry for your losses. :(

Blak

[Chelbe]

I don't necessarily feel that parents want to have a reason to break their foot off in their childs a$$. Some parents says things that are not thought out. Some parents feel they are right, always right and never wrong. Atleast that is what some think.
"I'll give you something to cry about", "I wish you would", I wish I could count the number of times I heard that. I think those threats are given in attempt to pose as discipline. A lazy form of discipline that is. Sometimes it works, others it doesn't.
Once my father was mad about something not concerning me and he told me he was gonna break my neck. My mind was not yet developed enough to really understand that meant. I couldn't read in between the lines, I took it literally and as a form of dislike actually. What he really meant was for me to sit my a$$ down somewhere, but I didn't see it that way, so I wrote him a note begging him not to break my neck because when you break someones neck they die, I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. Sometimes some parents forget who they are talking to when they talk to their children, they talk to them as if they were grown and don't think about the way a young mind will perceive those things.

I don't think I answered the question at hand, but thats my 10 cents.

Bottom line is some parents just don't think about the power of their words.