Smiling

[JABOOM]

Smiling

I wonder sometimes why do I smile
Never truly happy never understood what freedom was
Yet and still I’m smiling
When I think of past events whether something I dealt with
Or something I recall from history I should be in deed depression
But I’m sitting here smiling in the mirror

I think of the distance I am away from my child as she grows older
Everyday and what I am missing
I think of the times I wailed when reminded of her cute laugh
Her smiling face gazing at me with her mama’s eyes
Holding her and promising I would never let what has happened
Our…separation from ever happening which has occurred
Many people would be sick consently
But I stare silently smiling at her picture
Seeing how much she looks like me

I think of the pain of losing friends to the jails
Or a bullet or some other untimely death
I feel the sadness of their mothers and family the day the see
That their baby will never be in their lives for the rest of theirs
I think of the fun we had the silly arguments the fights
The make up of friendships and moving on to the next
Silly moment that we smile about
Missing those times realizing how short our childhoods were
Visiting your grave writing letters to you
I should be holding my face in my hands wet with tears
But my head is held high smiling toward the sky

Worrying over debts late bills lack of adequate pay
To live as a man on my own
Unable to have what I need what I want when I
Have my mind on it
Thinking of when I once had faith that pray
Would get me what I needed feeling as if just because I prayed
All would be solved for me that if I worked hard enough
If I struggle just that much more it would all work out in the end
The way I had planed but I now understand
That it doesn’t really work that way
I felt as one of those white guys that couldn’t take the pressure
But just a thought a thought
That if I ended it selfishly I wouldn’t feel the suffering
Then I notice once again I’m smiling

Reading the history of the pain my people have endured
The hatred against us the murders of us
The daily genocide that my people as well as myself are fighting
Not to allow to befall us at times I have felt that we are fighting a losing battle
Noticing the ignorance that many of our own have toward
Our own survival the “oh we have the same chances as any one else
We just have to work just a bit harder than others”
I then would ask “so why should he have to work harder to be human”
Than once again I’m fussing and cussing with a brother or sister that’s
Calling me a crazy nigga so than I feel that there is no point in trying to save
My own people because they don’t want to save themselves
Frustrated beaten bloody broken spiritually
For some reason I’m smiling

I ask you why am I smiling because
I have nothing to smile about I should be pissed not joking
I should be ready to fight ready to die for what I feel is most important
I shouldn’t be smiling plan and simply
So why am I smiling?

I smile because when I talk to my Daughter I know she hasn’t forgotten me
That when I see her again I will get a big hug a kiss and new
Memories to cry silent invisible tears of joy and longing during daydreams

I smile when I think of my fallen friends behind bars or under tombstones
Know that one day things will be alright for them when the get out or that
Their in a place of peace for once in their lives…after lives
Because I don’t think God Allah Jah however you want to address the creator
Isn’t that cruel to allow us to suffer here and then when we leave
That he/she thou would make us suffer for another eternity

Looking at me job and money problems……
I smile because I don’t give a damn because the money in or not in my pocket
Will never define the man I am or who I become and it’s
Only a matter of time before I get my own personal space of freedom
I just have to save the little I’ve got

And as far as my people are concerned
I smile because before me we have survived
While I’m here we are surviving and when I’m gone
My child my future children their children
Their children’s friends and all of our people together
Will continue to survive because we are a race of survivors

But once again
I ask you why am I smiling because
I have nothing to smile about I should be pissed not joking
I should be ready to fight ready to die for what I feel is most important
I shouldn’t be smiling plan and simply
So why am I smiling?

Well because in the middle of all this work
That I have to do the feelings I have in side and the new view
Of the world that I can almost say…if I wasn’t happy to have it
I would feel burdened to have
This burden this pain this 3rd eye has shown me the very thing I smile about

I’m smiling because I have

HOPE

Smiling

[matrixone05]

Keep smiling. Love the poem, love the ending even more.

[JABOOM]

Originally Posted by matrixone05

:applause:Keep smiling. Love the poem, love the ending even more.

Thank you this is actually the most personal and emotional thing I have ever wrote glad that some one appreciated it

(JABOOM looks around at the rest of his Afro fam. with scorn still with love but with SCORN)

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by JABOOM

Thank you this is actually the most personal and emotional thing I have ever wrote glad that some one appreciated it

(JABOOM looks around at the rest of his Afro fam. with scorn still with love but with SCORN)

Quality work, Brother JABOOM.
"Scorn", eh? Write a poem about that emotion and I'll really be impressed (j/k). No worries, Brother.

[JABOOM]

Originally Posted by Celeste

Quality work, Brother JABOOM.
"Scorn", eh? Write a poem about that emotion and I'll really be impressed (j/k). No worries, Brother.

lol scorn was just my way of saying I put my feelings out and no one read it.........BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO on y'all. But I'll take you up on your challenge....."clearing throat"...........

They didn't read it so I feel like fighting.....but they in cyder space so i just fight the pillow.......but I realize the pillow is for back support so I fight the cloths in my basket.....then I see my cloths are getting rinkled so I just say whatever and say I know my s#!%'s good and take a nap

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by JABOOM

lol scorn was just my way of saying I put my feelings out and no one read it.........BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO on y'all. But I'll take you up on your challenge....."clearing throat"...........

They didn't read it so I feel like fighting.....but they in cyder space so i just fight the pillow.......but I realize the pillow is for back support so I fight the cloths in my basket.....then I see my cloths are getting rinkled so I just say whatever and say I know my s#!%'s good and take a nap

Our talented Brother JABOOM.
By the way, I've never been to "cyder" space...sounds interesting. (teasing of course).
Keep the poems flowing, Brother.

[l0nnieugene]

In addition to Hope You have a history & heritage replete with the tenacious trait of OVERCOMING OBSTACLES....