If your spouse/ BF or GF, cheated on you once, would you stay?...or would you leave? - Page 2 - AfroChat - African American

slickbitty · December 21st, 2004, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by originata

Then that means it does matter. Not everyone forms their relationships according to religion. Matter of fact, the question includes premarital sex.

How committed can people really be if they are not married? I do agree though if you set boundaries you should adhere to them but for most people this is an issue of ego not about what's best or some written/unwritten rules.

but everyone has a 'moral' code (mine is bible based, as i would hope everyone elses is), and some are a little more 'lax' in their codes than others.....doesn't matter if the question includes sex or not (i did have a previous life....:)) the question remains, would you leave.

Sex is not the primary component for a long lasting relationship. Compatiblity depends on so much more. And the fact that so many people are easily willing to give up on any kind of relationship is saddening. Cheating is a symptom of a greater problem within the makeup of the relationship.

I would work it out, and have with my boyfriend before my I got married. It didn't work out, not because he was cheating, but because he was a jerk and treated me like crap. The sex was bomb, but the man tried and was successful for a while, to make me look dumber and stupider than I was. I got smart and got gone.

originata · December 21st, 2004, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Sex is not the primary component for a long lasting relationship. Compatiblity depends on so much more. And the fact that so many people are easily willing to give up on any kind of relationship is saddening.

That I whole heartedly agree with.

elmb · December 21st, 2004, 01:21 PM

It may seem so easy but it isn't. I only look at relationships right now from a married perspective. If he cheated, why did he cheat? when did he cheat, at what point in our lives, in our marriage. You know why I ask these questions, because I need to know if in my mind, was it the same time that I was contemplating cheating. If you are in a long term relationship, you thought about it once or twice.

{{{{{Were you trying to get a raise at work and thought that working 14 hours days and weekends was the way for you and your family and your family would understand when you get them that new house, mini-van, townhouse, etc....Meanwhile, your spouse is lonely, holding down the house, the kids, spending time alone when lo and behold, the neighbor who needed some sugar ( who also been seeing you gone all that time) has a shoulder for your spouse to lean on and just talk and spend some time together......}}}}}

It happens,,,,,was that spouse wrong for being lonely? was the other spouse wrong for wanting better for their household???
Yes, I would FIGHT for my marriage, today, tomorrow, any day, any hour because I know the man that I have and he is worth it any day of the week.

Yewmanyeti · December 21st, 2004, 09:39 PM

^I hope you don't let him know that lol ... I'm just messin with you.

Harmony · January 4th, 2005, 02:10 AM

Love makes you do strange things and I guess being cheated on and staying with the person who hurt you could be counted amongst them. We all make mistakes and do things that we don't completely think through, but we are also deserving of a "second chance."

More times than not, people concern themselves with what someone else might think or say about this issue, so one is more likely to disillusion himself/herself with what they would do, if put in this situation.

Forgiving someone who has cheated on you once is not really being 'foolish'...but I'd darn sure be curious if it were allowed to happen time and again.

It's been reported that cheating has strengthened relationships in some instances. So, in instances such as that, it might have been a "good" thing.

~Ro~ · January 10th, 2005, 10:31 PM

It would depend on the circumstances surrounding the cheating. If it was just a boyfriend most likely I'd just give it up. If it was my spouse I'd put more work into it.

Intelligent_One · January 11th, 2005, 01:26 AM

Well first of all the definition of "cheating" would change from one person to another.

Me personally, I wouldn't stay. I can't be with someone that I couldn't look in the face and know that I didn't trust him or that my trust for him has faltered.

~Ro~ · January 11th, 2005, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Intelligent_One

Well first of all the definition of "cheating" would change from one person to another.

This is true! Some people think porn is cheating..others don't. I won't state my opinon on the matter. hehe

the_truth · January 11th, 2005, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonewolf

I give a pretty good tongue lashing when provoked.

Then she'd get the boot.

HA HA HA HA HA You are crazy!

I wouldleave because the relationship would not be the same becasue there would be no more trust. You would always be thinking what if she does it again, and thats not worth it

Samoon · January 11th, 2005, 04:17 AM

There has to be trust in any relationship. For I have shared intimate, private parts of myself that I don't entrust to another. And for me, once you've stepped over that boundary--"time to shake the spot." I have never had to experience this, but during the course of many discussions I have made it very clear to reach an understanding of this. The quickest way out? Is to state that you want out. And move on for life does go on! IMO.

"A LIE DON'T CARE WHO TELLS IT!!"