Women and Excess Baggage - AfroChat - African American

workdawg61 · December 30th, 2005, 08:19 AM

Gentlemen

I met this fine young lady but she's carrying way too much emotional baggage-my question to the Ladies why do u bring old things into a new relationship-just because your last man treated u like carpet and walked on you why do u bring it into the new house u trying to move up inquiring minds wanna know

The Workdawg

saraphen · December 30th, 2005, 10:03 AM

Since this appears to be a man posing a question for the ladies, I moved it out of the Sistahs Only forum to Love and Relationships.

DBlack · December 30th, 2005, 10:44 AM

I feel ya man, but men do the same thing. Perhaps women, being the emotional creatures that they are, have a harder time with it than men, but I can't even be sure about that.

Balogun Arinwaka · December 31st, 2005, 02:27 AM

Men carry baggage too. They just ignore their emotions because society has taught them that manhood requires us to be stoic. If men did not carry emotional baggage, mental illness of baby-daddy-ism would not exist.

Balogun

MadameX · December 31st, 2005, 04:02 AM

Balagon and D-Black for being truthful about the matter. As a people, we need to get away from blaming each other( Black Man & Women) and pointing fingers b/c thats not the key to the solution. Because if we continue to blame each other,all we're going to fall further apart and breakdown communication. Thus, we will be buying into a bigger possible supposed plan of the powers that be.

So, what we're doing now is productive. By looking at each other faults then, we can see where we can improve and become stronger together as a people.

Furthermore, I would suggest for Brotha Workdawg to take a look at himself and communicate more with his woman. After you find your solution here, you need to call your woman and talk with her and try to work it out.

Serenity4Ever · January 3rd, 2006, 06:00 PM

If a person is not ready to be in a new relationship beacause they haven't really gotten over the previous one, then they should definitely take some time to sort through their feelings. However, even if a person jumps into a new relationship too quickly, it is selfish and insensitive for the new partner to act as though that person should forget all the hurt that was brought on by their ex. That is essentially what you are asking Barbara to do. Instead of saying "Look I'm not him so leave your emotional baggage outside the door of our relationship", try saying "I know he hurt you deeply and you obviously need some help dealing with it, so I'm going to do everything I can to try to help you get through this".

She needs comfort and support--- not somebody who is going to ditch her during one of the most vulnerable moments in her life. If you think that she is a good woman [someone who you wouldn't just hook up with every once in a while for a booty-call], then why choose to punk out? Wouldn't it make more sense to help her work through her feelings so that she can build upon a sense of trust for you as well as develop the confidence to be an even better woman to be with in a relationship? A GOOD man would not punk out...... but maybe YOU would.

January 3rd, 2006, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Serenity4Ever

If a person is not ready to be in a new relationship beacause they haven't really gotten over the previous one, then they should definitely take some time to sort through their feelings. However, even if a person jumps into a new relationship too quickly, it is selfish and insensitive for the new partner to act as though that person should forget all the hurt that was brought on by their ex. That is essentially what you are asking Barbara to do. Instead of saying "Look I'm not him so leave your emotional baggage outside the door of our relationship", try saying "I know he hurt you deeply and you obviously need some help dealing with it, so I'm going to do everything I can to try to help you get through this".

She needs comfort and support--- not somebody who is going to ditch her during one of the most vulnerable moments in her life. If you think that she is a good woman [someone who you wouldn't just hook up with every once in a while for a booty-call], then why choose to punk out? Wouldn't it make more sense to help her work through her feelings so that she can build upon a sense of trust for you as well as develop the confidence to be an even better woman to be with in a relationship? A GOOD man would not punk out...... but maybe YOU would.

BLAH BLAH BLAH........

First of all I urge you to get away from this broad as soon as possible. If she is already showing you that she is emotionally unstable then you should run as fast as you can. If you do choose to hook up with her do so purely on a sexual basis. Crazy girls are fantastic in the sack but that is usually where their skills peak.

You are not a punk for not wanting to be with a psycho chick. You are smart. If she is so messed up from her previous relationship, suggest that she watch Dr.Phil. Never and I mean ever tolerate any B.S. from any broad, emotional or otherwise!

chocolate1120 · January 3rd, 2006, 10:18 PM

She's bringing emotional baggage to your relationship because she's not yet over her last man. You should ask her straight out if she still has feelings for dude. Maybe you should step back and give her some time, but if you really want her (not just for sex) let her know you're there.