i need your advice - AfroChat - African American

delia · December 11th, 2004, 07:08 AM

i have this friend who i have known for about 4 years now, we met at work he use to really advise me with a relationship i was having at the time really being there for me at the time.. we both had an attraction for eachother but i never accepted the advances he made towards me because i was slowly breaking away from the guy i was seeingat the time, and i told him that icant just jump out of one relationship and get into another, i told him i neede time to get myself together..well as time goes on we ended talking, but things didnt work out,every time we would make plans to go out he would allways have an excuse for why he never called to cancell. at work he was alllways in my face if he saw me talking to coworkers(MEN) he would get an attitude. so i finally wise up broke things off because things didint seem like they were going any where... now 3 years later i seem to be the one when ever he needs me im there, he has a problem im there to help him find a solution... allways coming through for him but when i need him if he's not at work where he is easily reached he rarely returns my phone calls when i leave him a message on his cell. he allways talks about how busy he is... i don't know am i being a dummy for making my self available to him and getting nothing in return?

naskiecenye · December 11th, 2004, 09:52 AM

Your not a dummy you just need to draw the line is this a friendship or is this a romance-potential relationship and if this is just a friendship than you need to maybe break away for awhile and make yourself less available show that you have a life too and if this is a relationship- romance than you need to set boundaries and say look if we are going to be together than you need to contribute to this relationship shoot what am i saying he needs to contribute in the friendship as well

Have a heart to heart talk with him and lay your feeling out on the table and see where it goes from there keep in mind that some men like to have that chick at work that they can just flirt with but arent interested in any relationship out of work dont let him use and abuse you like that

MsMellow · December 12th, 2004, 02:20 AM

Yeah stop being there all the time for him for a while. Let him see what it's like to need a friend and that friend isn't there. Sounds to me like you're more of a friend to him then he is to you anyway. I think he'll start valuing the friendship you have if he realizes what it's like when you're not around. Seems like he's taking the friendship for granted.

DBlack · December 12th, 2004, 12:26 PM

I used to run this game on just about every woman I dated. People make themselves available for those they want to be with. There are reasons why he's busy, and you ain't one of them. And even if it's not alot of time, you know when it sincere. And if you and another are really feeling each other, but one can't seem to make the time, well, if time's important to you, then that's an insurmountabile issue.

Don't settle for less than what you want. Be ghost on him and focus on those that wan't to make time for you.

delia · December 15th, 2004, 09:26 PM

i know it has been a little while since i posted this question, i know that i am an intelligent woman, but some times you get a better insight on things when someone else is looking at things, from the outside looking inward. you all are right, i will become a GHOST to him because i feel that he has taken me and how i am for granted, i guess when you care about someone you tend to put up with alittle more than what you would normally would put up with..... so thank you all i appreciate your honest advice

000HONEY · December 15th, 2004, 10:55 PM

You just need to give him some of his own medicine.

delia · December 16th, 2004, 09:35 PM

i have decided to do just that,every time i do he comes around but this time im moving forward with my life...........in all aspects.....

It's Meeee · December 20th, 2004, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dBlack

I used to run this game on just about every woman I dated. People make themselves available for those they want to be with. There are reasons why he's busy, and you ain't one of them. And even if it's not alot of time, you know when it sincere. And if you and another are really feeling each other, but one can't seem to make the time, well, if time's important to you, then that's an insurmountabile issue.

Don't settle for less than what you want. Be ghost on him and focus on those that wan't to make time for you.

dblack I'm glad you a man answered this post. Sometimes women need to accept the hardcore truth as you expressed. There is a new book out that is causing quit a stir. It is written by a male, and for the life of me, I'm not sure whether it's called 'Maybe it's Just You' or something similar.

Women tend to over look faults in males and give them leeway. This is how many get terribly hurt. In the case of Delia, if he is rejecting her, then she should reject him back. Take the hint of his actions for what they are.

sexy object 30 · February 21st, 2005, 08:45 PM

same here, i always run to that one person and in the end he doesn't do the same.

February 21st, 2005, 10:30 PM

I am going to agree with Dblack if there is a woman i cant have i must do everything in my power to get her and once i do the the challenge is gone and usually so am I.

It isnt that serious but that is the MO of alot of cats

I must have what I am not supposed to