TOP TEN REASONS YOU DON'T HAVE A MAN
by SUMUMBA SOBUKWE
FROM
www.themaatseries.com
The 10 Acknowledgements
(Message to the dating black woman)
1. First Impressions-Attitude-From how you see the world to your physical demeanor when around brothas, your attitude, words, and mannerisms will either attract, or keep brothas from even approaching you.
2. Looks- Sista, despite what the world i.e., this culture/society says the great majority of black men do NOT want a Kate Moss bulimic body type. There are many of us who want a woman who has some ‘meat’ on her bones. Excessive make-up, hair extensions, fake nails, eyes and other things that DON’T extenuate your NATURAL beauty are unnecessary in many of our eyes, since sistas are naturally beautiful in the first place. However there is a difference between phat and fat and at the very least for health reasons, sistas should be concerned about diet and exercise. Heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer and other preventable diseases and death are no joke and affect sistas at much higher rates than other women.
3. Views-If you consistently think defensively in EACH AND EVERY or most situations when it comes to black men, there’s no way you can even allow yourself to see and separate who the many decent brothas are beyond the surface from the many underdeveloped brothas, who you seem to think make 'ALL black men are like this or that'. Further, if you think ALL or even most of us want a white woman (before you), your views are likely being manipulated by the prevailing culture and various forms of media who continue to profit off such nonsense/ignorance.
4. Values-Closely related to the last reason and the first, your values, speak on how you see and what hold important, not only in relationships but your own life’s expectations. Many brothas can spot a sista who has bought into what society i.e., culture says is important in a mate and what makes for a healthy relationship, and it goes much deeper than ‘he’s just not that into you’.
5. Balance-Balance or a lack thereof, from mental to spiritual and all points in between, influences how you function, relate and move in this world. If your life is NOT in balance then chances are you are either sullen or high strung, depressed, or easily agitated too much of the time. These emotions usually translate to DRAMA and no male wants someone who’s ALWAYS bringing it!
6. Mama’s/Daddy’s girl-We all have heard of the trifling, lazy and irresponsible grown a__ black man who lives STILL in his mother’s basement, but the Mama’s/Daddy’s girl is his contemporary in terms of dependence upon others. While many a sista will say she’s independent, there are some who run to ‘mama’ or ‘daddy’ when times get rough. When this situation gets to the point of the sista sharing more with mama/daddy or family and a brotha feels it’s he against her world then you can rest assure that that brotha won’t stay around too long.
7. Independence vs. Interdependence-Although independence is a beautiful thing and it often sounds good coming out of sistas mouth, the reality is that none of us are truly independent of the social conditions we collectively face as a people. None of us are an island and we are all affected by each other’s thoughts, actions and functioning. Until sistas realize that interdependence is our only reality and necessary for a healthy, loving and sharing relationship, as opposed to the control, codependence and general misery of many relationships we see today, she will never find real happiness and love.
8. Clubbin- Sista, If you are ALWAYS hanging out at clubs and choose to drink all night, turning down each and EVERY brotha who wants to dance with you only to spend the night getting your ‘dance’ on with your girls, you most likely won’t meet many brothas, quality ones, that is. Worse still a dark dank place where folks are drinking and the music is so loud that you cant even feel yourself breath is NOT a great environment to meet someone in the first place.
9. Selfishness-Often disguised as ‘independence’ selfishness means many things from control to withholding the truth or love. Naturally these things will run and keep brothas away, quality inwardly secure and well-rounded ones at least.
10. Past history-Let’s be real we all have issues and baggage from the past but sista when it gets to the point that you are so defensive that you think ALL men are the same, quite often you will attract just that type of man. If you have not learned from past mistakes you will certainly repeat the same ones.
(c) SUMUMBA SOBUKWE 2005
www.themaatseries.com
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