Joint or Separate Accounts

[jcsump]

Originally Posted by MilitantWombMan

I think couples should have a joint account for finances to keep the house running,paying bills etc...personal accounts for their own savings..to pay off their own debts,personal maintenance things like that

There is not much to add to that.I agree 100%. It also serves as a model to your children on how to work with your mate in a sharing household.

[The Dragon]

Have and joint and a separate account.

[Corals]

Originally Posted by MilitantWombMan

I think couples should have a joint account for finances to keep the house running,paying bills etc...personal accounts for their own savings..to pay off their own debts,personal maintenance things like that

That I can agree with, but the problem is not in having the separate account, but having it secretly, unknown to the other partner.

If this is the case, then it can make you wonder what the other partner is up to, and why would he/she want to have a secret separate account that no one knows about. :whistling

[RaInEdomThoughtz]

Originally Posted by The Dragon

Have and joint and a separate account.

I agree. I think that you should have a joint account for household needs and seperate accounts for individual needs. I dont think being married/committed means that you have to lose your individuality/independance.

Originally Posted by Corals

If this is the case, then it can make you wonder what the other partner is up to, and why would he/she want to have a secret separate account that no one knows about. :whistling

Thats sounds like a trust or a dependancy issue. One doesnt trust the other, or one is more financially dependant on the other.

[DBlack]

The fact that some place having a separate account over having joint, to me, says alot about where you are in your attitude in marriage.

If I felt a need for a separate account, I wouldn't feel ready to be married. You can put as much lipstick on the pig as you want, but it's till an admission of distrust. What if something bad was to happen and you never even knew about that extra cash stashed away? And why is your mate convinced that they have to stash away cash?

If you are open and upfront about it, that's one thing. Then again, if all is under one estate, that still doesn't explain the need to separation. To have separate accounts in secrecy is especially another.

Now, there have been times when we couldn't agree on finances and we wanted to have separate accounts. But after a cooling off period, we realized that in the long run, doing so plants seeds of divisiveness and distrust. Sharing everything fosters and envirnment conducive for couples to live, breathe and BE married. Creating conditions that make it convenient to be separate only lays the foundation for......separation.

I think Saraphen said it perfectly about the level and depth of trust that should be required as standard in any marriage.

[RaInEdomThoughtz]

So, what happens, when you feel that your spouse is spending too much, or you want to spend a large amount on something that YOU want and your spouse doesnt want or necessarily feel you need. It all depends on the type of person you are and the type of person you're with. I would want a seperate account and a joint account. All because I dont want my spending monitered. I feel like the joint account for household needs, vacations, bills, etc. would be the money that we would have to come together and discuss how that money is spent, but whatever is put aside into our seperate accounts is for individual needs. I dont think that the seperate account should be done in secret, of course I would discuss it with my s/o because I wouldnt want him to feel like Im hiding something. I feel like debates over money would be greatly reduced if it would be done this way. I also dont feel like having a seperate account would draw a wedge between us, because we would have to come together to, again, budget household needs, vacations, major purchases, etc. JMO What works for some doesnt work for all.

Originally Posted by Corals

According to statistics, the number one problem in many marriages is money, and many marriages end due to such. Because money is a measureable commodity that could be the reason why it causes so much disagreements.

Many are opening up secret accounts unknown to their partner. We know that marriage is a partnership, but when it comes to money many feel their need financial freedom.

Should couples have separate or joint accounts?

Is it important to have independence and your own money?

What are your thoughts?

----------------

It sounds extreme and sneeky to go to the lengths of opening a secret account. They should be a joint account for the major items and household expenses and each could have a separate account for their own personal use.

A secret account imo is something that should never even be considered in a marriage. You have problems (marital) if you feel the need for a secret stash. For a while I was on the ropes about joint or seperate accounts but I've always leaned more towards just one joint account, mainly because I've always looked at marriage as 2 becomming 1 n' just thought it silly to have seperate accounts. And I still do (view marriage as 2 becomming 1) but as Sumyr said you shouldn't put all your eggs into one basket. Just not a smart move. Now that this subj. has come up again n' I've thought about it a lil' more I think having one account for household and family expenses (rent, utilities, food, school shopping, vacations, etc. etc.) and 1 for each spouse is the best way to go. Maybe each puts 70% of their paycheck into the household account each pay period n' the remaining 30 into their own account. Something along those lines. That way your sure to avoid the "Damn baby, that's the 3rd purse this month?"'s n' "Baby did you really need that custom digital dash for your car?"'s.

Originally Posted by saraphen

Regardless of how you do it, there has to be trust. Don't marry somebody that you can't trust with your money, your health, your life, your future.

Agree 100%. No way would I invite someone into my life on that level that I did not trust in all things. Nor would I keep a bank account secret. If I'm worried about you digging into my stash without permission then we have no business being together. I'd have a joint account for all things affecting us both, seperate accounts for our individual desires. Like Rain said, I don't want to have to check with anyone when making a purchase or as Xen said, I don't want to have to listen to someone criticising a purchase I've made either. Seperate accounts known to both should greatly reduce the risk for those types of arguments IMO.

[robbboy2003]

Will he or she kick your butt out,if you come up with extra money for her or him or family? The answer is there is a great probability that they will not.

The sneak wouldn't put it out there, for love or money. It is really about knowing yourself and significant others vibes or heart. It is my experience,that you do not go wrong,when you put others first. Don't lie about your stash,and don't be to upset,if you have to use it for the betterment of all!

It is the smart man,who saves for the rainy day,and who is flexible for his families needs.

[DBlack]

Originally Posted by RaInEdomThoughtz

So, what happens, when you feel that your spouse is spending too much, or you want to spend a large amount on something that YOU want and your spouse doesnt want or necessarily feel you need. It all depends on the type of person you are and the type of person you're with. I would want a seperate account and a joint account. All because I dont want my spending monitered. I feel like the joint account for household needs, vacations, bills, etc. would be the money that we would have to come together and discuss how that money is spent, but whatever is put aside into our seperate accounts is for individual needs. I dont think that the seperate account should be done in secret, of course I would discuss it with my s/o because I wouldnt want him to feel like Im hiding something. I feel like debates over money would be greatly reduced if it would be done this way. I also dont feel like having a seperate account would draw a wedge between us, because we would have to come together to, again, budget household needs, vacations, major purchases, etc. JMO What works for some doesnt work for all.

This is all just my opinion:
First, you should marry someone that shares the same philosophy on estate management. If you both feel that everything should be shared, then act accordingly.

What works for me an my wife is some simple rules. We have a 200.00 rule, where we can get whatever we want without approval from each other for all under 200. Anything above that, we need to let each other know that we are about to spend more than that. 95% of the time, it works just fine. I have to admit, I have become much less of an impulse buyer becuase of this.

Point is, having ground rules that you both respect and will follow is critical. Accepting the fact that both of you like to spend money on different things is important too. I used to always complain when my wife would buy expensive home decor stuff or exchange pillows every few months. But I eventually learned that the reason why our home is beautiful and comfortable is because of her love for making the home so livable and pleasant.

I respect people's reasons for separate accounts. But bottom line is that if you have accounts that the other doesn't have equal access to, that is a part of you that you desire or need to be separate from your spouse. People should be honest with themselves about that and deal with the reasons for why separation of assets is so important to them. Because when you are married, assests should NOT be separate.