Should A Guy Ever Be A Woman's Doormat?

[Mehujael]

Hey Afrochat Family,

I met (lets call this person Ms. X) through the Internet personals. In her second e-mail she gave me her phone number. We talked and made a date to meet at a club. She was two hours late, but I didn't think anything of it because she called me every half hour to assure me that she was on her way and that she was stuck in traffic. When we got together she gave me all her attention. It was one of the best dates I've ever had.

We agreed on another date, this time dinner and a movie, but when the day came and I called to confirm, she never answered her phone. I called a few times that day and left messages and she never got back to me. Finally I stopped calling her. I was feeling angry and decided never to call her again. Two days later she e-mailed me an apology, then called and asked if the date was still open. Her excuse was that she'd gotten a call from her friends and she really wanted to go out with them. When she remembered our date, she realized she couldn't call me because she'd left her phone at home. Of course I thought it was horse manure, but since she'd called me back and her Interest Level seemed like 75%, and since I enjoyed our first date, I said yes.

Then she did it a second time. The day we were supposed to get together, she didn't answer her phone and I didn't hear from her. She called me later and asked me to go out. I said yes. We met and again had lots of fun - a great time, really. We have a lot in common and shared many thoughts and experiences. Naturally we agreed on a third date.

The third time she stood me up, I felt like garbage. I sent her an e-mail telling her that I liked her a lot, but if she's not going to make it to a date then I at least deserve a call, and that since we're only dating I would understand. She called later and told me she agreed. She explained that at the moment she's not really looking for a commitment and only wants to be friends, but that maybe in the future that would change. She invited me to go out with her and her friends. I went, and again she stayed with me the whole time, cuddling and kissing and getting more intimate than ever before.

My dilemma is that I like Ms. X a lot because she is beautiful and because of her attentiveness when we're together. Family, do you think she could be testing me, or just teasing me? Do you think she might be interested in me but expects me to put in more effort? If so, how do I go about it?

Afrochat Family -- help me to understand what's really going on.

Mehujael

*sets up lemonade stand and waits*:stirthepo

[DBlack]

Welcome to the AC bruthaman.

Comon' bruh, it's really not that complicated. She should have been out of your mind after the second time. Move on.

....Can I have my Lemonade with some Hen and Gin in it please!

[lovelyliz]

:she-devil Seems like she is using you for company when she dosent have anything else better to do. Believe me, I ran this game on plenty of nice guys like yourself.
If my freinds cancelled out at the last minute I would look through my phone and call a so-called freind to entertain me.

[Corals]

Mehujael, I cannot believe you would let someone make such a fool of you.

2 hours late, 15 minutes is the maximum I would wait for anyone regardless. You should have told her not to bother and made your way home.

This girl is playing games. She knows you like her and is using it to her advantage.

Forget about her and move on, but before you do, make a date with her, but with the intention of not turning up, and not answering the phone if she calls. That would let her know that you are onto her. Can you do that? Or better still just forget about her, if she rings tell her you are busy and put the phone down.

[Mehujael]

So, Woman do lie?

[Corals]

Something smells fishy!!

[Blak]

Originally Posted by Mehujael

So, Woman do lie?

Your not serious......are you?

OF COURSE THEY LIE.

They lie, play games, make excuses, tell tales, use guys for their niceness, and wipe their dirty *** feet all overs welcome mats like yourself.

I dont mean to be mean,.....but she treats you like shiit cause you let her. It aint worth it. You shoulda known after the second time......but really should laid out rules after the first time. But you let it happen a third???? Lose her number and info........oh yeah.......NEVER date a woman you just met off the net. Talk to her for a while online then on the phone....then meet for coffee to see what she is like....THEN after spending time doing minor things,....set a date.

Blak

[Mehujael]

Family,

My very first mistake was not telling Ms. X, when she was late for our first date, that something had come up and I couldn't wait for her any longer, but that you'd make the date some other time. To you Psych majors, don't ever forget -- SHE HAS TO RESPECT YOU. Don't teach her that it's okay to jerk you around from the get-go.

But I went on to a second date anyway. Now, listen to what I'm saying here. Ms. X's telling me that being with her friends -- who she's seen two or three times a week for the last 22 years -- cannot possibly be postponed! Well, we wouldn't want to break that pattern, now would we? Golly gee, that would be an absolute no-no! But seriously, family, it's a no-brainer. If her friends are more important than me, the precise translation of Ms. X's Womanese runs something like this: “You can find my Interest Level in you at the bottom of the ocean!”

The fact that she forgot her cell phone and therefore couldn't call eminds me that I've probably met her on the lecture circuit. Didn't she write a famous relationship book called A Thousand Excuses To Pull Out When Dumping A Date? Maybe you should have checked it out before you wined and dined her and saved yourself the trouble.

Next, you're tell me that Ms. X's Interest Level is 35%. Jeez -- I attribute that level of interest to a girl who had you running a marathon with a sackful of rocks on your back? family, did you happen to get a look at the beating I've taking? I'd hate to hear your idea of a lower Interest Level - you'd be doing hard time in a labor camp! Can you really be that lonely, pal?

When I said yes to the next date, I was really asking for trouble. At that point did I know what Ms. X was thinking (No!)? This guy is a real loser! Of course, her next thought was, Hm…but he's got three major credit cards in his wallet begging to be used at a four-star restaurant!

(Fellows, why not keep these early dates to a pizza and beer for 25 bucks? The point is not to try and buy these girls. Your objective should be to find out why she's really here, and expensive dates only cloud the issue. Even Paris Hilton digs some of the guys in the Arkansas backwoods, and they're not exactly rolling in the green stuff.)

But just when I thought I'd heard it all, it turns out I'm not through making totally incredible statements. You have lots in common? Guy, you two have NOTHING in common. My Interest Level in Ms. X is 0%, and hers in me is zero. As in nada. Therefore, you have absolutely nothing in common. There's no other way to say it.

So - it took a third busted date for me to finally stand up and fight back, eh? A little late, I'm sorry to say. You were run over by a bloodthirsty tribe of Zulu warriors before it dawned on me that I was being slaughtered. (And they're friendly Indians at Little Big Horn!)

Sure, Stacy's beautiful. Only the world's most dangerous creature, the Beautiful Woman, can get away with murder. But she's neither testing me nor teasing you. The odds of this girl being truly interested in me are about the same as all politicians agreeing to tell nothing but the truth starting tomorrow.

Family, since you have such pronounced masochistic tendencies, what I think you should do is buy Ms. X a whip, then get on your knees and tell her all about how your mother didn't hug me when I were a kid (Not!). As the great Love Doctor Sigmund Freud once wrote: “For some guys, love is torture!”

Remember, guys: “Don't be a doormat!”

[mistifying]

I agree with CB, she's not into you. The two of you just barely started dating and she's already shown you exactly who she is...believe her & don't make excuses for that garbage behavior. Do you want to continue that lame game of cat & mouse? I don't even know you, but I know you deserve better than that. Everyone does. If she calls/contacts you, tell her to keep it movin.