1. COMMUNICATE- Relationships fail because couples talk about their relationship with everyone except one another. Your partner is not a mind reader, so always say what’s on your mind in a manner that will get through to them. Some people need communication to be point blank, most people need a sit down conversation, and others need the delivery to be nice and sweet. Once you know your lover, you’ll know how to communicate with them.
2. GET WITH SOMEONE ON YOUR LEVEL- Relationships falter when people are on unequal planes. If you’re a lawyer, marrying someone who’s unemployed won’t work. The unemployed person won’t know what your job entails, and will start suspecting that you’re cheating on them, don’t love them, don’t like them, hate them, etc. In reality you don’t have much time for them because you have a significant amount of work to do. This is why entertainers get with entertainers, white-collar workers get with white-collar workers, and blue-collar workers get with blue-collar workers. Your mate must understand what you go through on a daily basis so that jealousy and tension don’t arise. The last thing you need is for your partner to say “Bitch you ain’t shit” or “Nigga you ain’t ****,” simply because your careers, and ultimately your lifestyles, aren’t parallel. If you work at McDonald’s, find a mate who does something similar to eliminate the jealousy, envy, leeching, and other problems that come with dating above or below your level. Research shows that couples who are on the same level, stay together longer than couples who aren’t, simply because they understand each other’s grind.
3. KEEP YOURSELF UP- If your mate met you and you looked a certain way, you have an obligation to keep that look up or improve upon your looks. Nobody wants a dime piece to turn into a penny just because they got comfortable and then got sloppy.
4. HAVE A DATE NIGHT- Whether you’re dating or married, set a night each week where you and your mate can have one on one time. We’re all so busy with functions, kids, work, and friends, that we neglect our partners. Your partner is a priority in your life, and should be treated as such. Schedule a weekly date night where it’s just the TWO of you. Date nights can be dinner and a movie, or it could be a night where the kids are with their grandparents, and you all are in a hotel room with a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on the door.
5. SHOW INTEREST IN YOUR PARTNER’S DAY- We are so consumed by our own daily successes and failures that we forget to ask our partner how their day went. Even if you don’t care, just ask!! It will make your partner feel valued, loved, respected, encouraged, and appreciated. Nobody likes conversations that revolve around one person, so stop being selfish and ask your mate how their day went. Try to care about your partner’s day if you currently don’t. I find this hard to do myself, but it’s not all about me in a relationship!!
6. KNOW WHAT YOUR MATE WANTS OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP- Does your mate want cohabitation? Does your mate want to casually date? Is your mate looking to tie the knot? Does your mate want to be friends with benefits? You must communicate with your partner about these issues before you catch feelings, and then catch heartbreak. Two major issues couples don’t discuss, is whether they want to get married, and whether they want to have children. By the first or second date these issues should be clarified. If a person’s answers aren’t sufficient for you, move on. One wasted night is better than one wasted year. Often men don’t want to get married, and often women don’t want to have kids. Know what you both want before you officially become an item.
7. DON’T DISCUSS YOUR EX- Keep the past in the past. Nobody wants to hear about what your ex would have done, did do, or could do for you. Talking about your ex will make your mate jealous and suspicious, and it’s unnecessary. Discuss previous relationships in the beginning of your courtship to clear the air, but until your mate asks you a question regarding your ex, keep your mouth shut. Don’t get a person’s mind ruminating when you don’t have to.
8. DON’T USE SEX AS A WEAPON- Too many of us use the **** and the ***** as a weapon against our mates. When they upset us, we withhold what they desire most. This is wrong. Talk your issues out. If you’re not in the mood for sex, be upfront about it, but don’t say, “because you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, you aren’t going to hit it tonight.” Making love is an intimate event, and your genitalia should not be withheld just so you can get revenge on your significant other. If your mate can’t get it from you, they will eventually go elsewhere, and you’ll be to blame. Everyone has sexual urges that need to be fulfilled. Using one’s hand or one’s fingers for a few nights might be ok, but after a week of making your mate self pleasure, consider your relationship a wrap.
9. HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON- Too many couples get involved with each other based off looks alone, and then realize that they have nothing in common. You may both be on the same level in terms of beauty, but if you have no interests in common the relationship won’t last. If you like to shop all day and your man enjoys going to football games, it won’t last. If your girl likes to go to art exhibits on a Friday night and you’d rather sip Old E, the relationship won’t work. If you’re both into sports, the relationship will work. You can go to sporting events together, workout together, plan hiking trips together, shop for sporting equipment together, etc. You must have a lot in common with your mate for your relationship to grow. This includes professional ambitions as well. Are you trying to build an empire, while your mate is comfortable at the glass ceiling? This would be a problem. Know your mate, communicate, and try to have as much in common with them as possible.
10. DON’T TRY AND CHANGE YOUR MATE- The saying “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife,” is true. You can’t change people’s personalities to fit a mold that you want to caste them in. If you meet a woman who’s overweight, don’t make her join Weight Watchers just because you think she should shed a few pounds. If you wanted a skinny woman, you could have found one if you looked hard enough. If your man is undereducated when you meet him, don’t force him to go back to school just to impress your family and friends. If you wanted a highly educated man, you could have found one if you stepped up your dating game, and had a little more patience. The point is, none of us wants to be changed by our mates, especially over superficial bullshit. Trying to change your mate will cause resentment, which will ultimately leave your relationship like Michael Jackson’s current career.
Bonus Tip: STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF- Don’t front folks. Always keep it as real as possible. You come first before any other person on earth. Too many of us get so wrapped up in our mates that we lose ourselves in the process. A lot of us are left with nothing when a relationship fizzles. We are left with no friends, because we neglected them to be with our lover. No family, because we cut them off to be with our partner. And we have no self-esteem, because we gained our self worth via our relationship. Always put God and yourself first. When the relationship is over, and you don’t have God or your peace of mind, you’ll be mentally over as well.
-Dr. Uplift
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