Ready-made Family

[Java]

We live in a time of "seemingly" an over-whelming amount of single parent families. It's becoming increasingly difficult for those singles without kids to find childless mates. I have a few relatives who are young, single, and childless. They are adamant in their refusal to get involved with someone who has a ready-made family.

What are your thoughts on this issue?

27 single no kids, do not want to date a woman with kids. I would do it but she would have to be special. I want my private time I dont want some other mans kids breakin in on my special nights, I dont want to raise someone elses kids if I can avoid it. I did that already and it was too difficult to deal with.

[saraphen]

My 34-year-old son got married for the first time in October to a young lady with an 8-year-old daughter. The little girl's Dad died when she was a baby. Her Mom has had a strong support system in place for years, with Mom's Dad and grandma in town and available to help out. My son was ready to have a family, and they hope to have more children (at least one more). So far they are doing great, and I'm happy to be Grandma to the little girl.

Not having Ex-husbands or baby-daddies around makes a difference. And it helps to have other family to give the new couple some space alone every once in a while.

[therealisticlady]

I am a mother of four who was very single at one time after 13 years of marriage. I never had a problem finding a date just finding someone that I wanted to bring home to meet my kids. I have several friends who are single with children who also dont have a problem getting dates. I think someone who sets out to intentionally look for someone who doesnt have children...might miss out on the one person who is truely ment for them. To not want to date someone with children really takes away your options.

I want my private time I dont want some other mans kids breakin in on my special nights, I dont want to raise someone elses kids if I can avoid it. I did that already and it was too difficult to deal with.

I think that is a selfish statement. I can understand but I still think it is selfish. Date nights should not be spent with the kids. If you need special time you need to make sure you are doing what is necessary to help provide that special time for the both of you.
There are so many children out there who need two parents. Whether they are biological does not make a difference. The kids are innocent. It is scary to think that besides that fact that a man would be into me he would not be into my children.

You are going to have to come to the conclusion that the older you get the more likely folks are going to have kids. Also what a better way to judge the real person as a whole than to see them enteract with their children.

I agree with you that my statement was selfish, but I think that is my right being that I do not have kids. I was raised by a man that was not my biological father. I dated a woman with kids, and I agree that I might be missing out on some women cause I wont mess with the kids, but I have to say that is just how I am. I interact with kids very well, and I honestly can say that I would not feel the same raising someone elses kids, I would love them and all that but I would always want my own and I would want my first kid to be my wifes first kid too so that we are not having issues about my lack of experience or mama knows best.

I think when it comes to kids and raising them and choosing to get involved with someone who has kids selfishness has to be a part of it cause the one with the kids has them as a top priority followed by a bunch of other things, now if I am at number 10 on the priority list who is going to look out for me, not the kids that is for sure.

For some people it is something they can handle, for me I have to start from scratch, no offense to single mothers out there, it is not about you it is about me.

[Blak]

I would prefer to meet someone who has not children. I want to build a life with someone from the ground up. However, at the rate I am going....and getting older, the next date I get will probably be with someone with kids since every other woman seems to have one from the late 20s on. There will be certain demands that a woman with kids has of her man and if I aint having luck with childless black women....how in the hell am I ever gonna get a long term relationship with someone with children and high demands of what I "must do for her"??

Blak

[Lonewolf]

I responded earlier, but I don't know what happened. I hope it didn't get deleted...

Anyway, I agree with the guys who don't want to do it. Personally, I can't see coming from the honeymoon to help my new wife take care of some kids she had with another guy. I just can't see it. It's unfair. I want to start a family WITH my wife. I don't want to inherit any responsibilities that I didn't create. I hope I don't offend anyone with that, but that's how I feel.

But like Black said it's getting harder as we get older (I'm 29). More and more women are coming equipped these days. I understand they aren't impregnating themselves but man....it's getting harder and harder to meet women that don't have at least one. What's really going on?

[Curious1]

If I were not married...I may date for a minute or two an OOW (Out Of Wedlock) BabyDaddy...I'd see how he acted to his kids and his babymama's...( I really don't like that word..so lets's say Mom's of his Kids..) If his Mom's started trippin' over me being in their OOW kids dad's life and dating and loving him..I would try to get along and prove i am not a parasite...or piranha...I'd just want to be their ex's new woman to love ...lol...but if it was causing too much friction in my life,and their kids life.. ..I would probably mosey on down the road...hopefully to unchartered non-OOW-Daddy waters...Curious1 "lubs" the kids..lol...they come first...I'll sacrifice being with their daddy so their daddy can try to keep that close bond beign their daddy...

Curious1.....

[Lina]

Originally Posted by Lonewolf

But like Black said it's getting harder as we get older (I'm 29). More and more women are coming equipped these days. I understand they aren't impregnating themselves but man....it's getting harder and harder to meet women that don't have at least one. What's really going on?

I'm a woman single with no kids and I know how y'all guys feel cuz it seems that men with no children are just as rare.
While it would be nice to meet a childless man to marry and have kids with, I am beginning to wonder how realistic that is. I'm not saying that a dude with 5 kids and 4 different mothers is acceptable, but I can deal with a man who has 1 kid & a healthy, platonic relationship with the child's mother. And if it got to be a serious relationship, I'd wanna meet the mom...we ain't gotta be best friends but i'd like for her to be comfortable with me being around her child.

More than one kid?...I'd be less likely to get involved.
"Baby mama drama" (for lack of a better term)? no thanks

[trudiva7]

Well I was one of those women who said they did not want a man with kids, but then I fell in love with a man who has two daughters and its wonderful. I think that the person meant for you is meant just for you. If your soulmate has zero or 12 kids, that will be okay because if they are your soulmate then everything will click for you. I am not mad if you only date with women with no kids, thats your perrogative. The focus needs to be put on who will make you a better person in life. The person who makes me better just happens to have kids and I could care less because he is my soulmate and we were meant for each other. Everything happens for a reason, maybe you are to be with the woman with kids because, heaven forbid, you will not be able to conceive your own. So its not about kids or not its about who you are meant to be with and then faults and flaws will not matter! (kids are not flaws but blessings:) )