Ready-made Family

[lovelyliz]

Originally Posted by Lonewolf

I personally don't think it's worth it. I mean, a woman would have to be so bad I just couldn't resist. Since I don't think this woman exists, the likelihood of this taking place is slim to none.

I just don't see it. My first question is always, "why didn't it work out with daddy"?

Maybe because daddy was a dead beat.. did you think about that? I have a daughter who is two years old and if a man wanted to be with me but couldnt except my baby he could "get to stepping", and just because I have a child dosent make me anything less than a woman without.

[MaximusRex]

I WOULD NEVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER, DATE A WOMAN WITH KIDS AGAIN IN LIFE. It's tantamount to a waste of time and a bunch of other problems. There is one expectation to the kid rule. That's Linda. Linda is a "wet dream," If I was to designed my archtype for what think is a bad chick, it would be Linda. God she's bad.

[Lonewolf]

Maybe daddy was a deadbeat. My line of questioning revolves around the poor decision making of the woman in question.

I'm not here to judge you, but I think people in general should make better judgements concerning who they sleep with. Men should stop sleeping with women we don't really like all that much (we do this all too often) and women should stop sleeping with men....for whatever reason women sleep with men and make better decisions.

And EVERYBODY needs to start thinking more about protection.

Anyway, it's like I said. I'm just not interested in inheriting a family. It's a nice thing for some other guy to do, but it's not something I want to be bothered with. As soon as I find out a woman has a kid I'm done. Nothing personal against her, but to me it's too much of a burden and quite frankly I feel that if I've been able to remain child free and protect myself all these years I deserve a woman who was able to do the same.

[lizaa]

What about the women who has kids and they are widowed-their man has passed away [ not by a drive-by either !] and she has to take on all the responsibilities of raising a two year old and maybe a five year old what about then ??

[Lonewolf]

In that case there's plenty of guys that date women with kids. I have a friend who just had a baby and she had a boyfriend while she was prego. This guy met her while she was pregnant and still wanted to date her. So there's plenty of guys around who date women with kids and kids on the way.

I'm just saying I won't be doing it. It's really nothing personal. I wish a woman in the situation you mentioned well, along with her kids.

[QueenSpeaks]

Many of you here are obviously a lot younger than I am so the perspective may be different because of that. Unless I wanted to seek a mate more than 10 or more years my junior (and I have) it is very very VERY difficult to find a brother who does not already have at least one child out there. Not IMPOSSIBLE - just difficult.

I guess I didn't really sweat that when I was chosing a mate. Didn't matter to me if he had kids - what mattered was the kind of relationship he had with those kids, the kid's mama, and how those kids reacted to me being in their father's life.

I think it's a LITTLE easier for a female though because most men don't have fulltime custody of their children. But for men, it's a bigger consideration because it's usually a package deal - a woman and her kids.

I am now with a man whose children I have taken in as my own. We have custody of his 9 year old daughter because her mother is unfit and he has an 18 year old son whose mother died in the World Trade Center tragedy. These are my kids - that's how I look at it. But I am not going to say it's easy or that it doesn't come with a lot attached to it. But when I commit to a man, I commit that which comes along with him and children are not something you can detach yourself from.

[MrAtlanta]

My first answer would be NO to a ready-made family. However, there are a small number conditions that might make me say otherwise, and they are:

1. That there is a CLEAN break between the woman I'm marrying and her ex-husband/baby daddy. I don't want to come home from work to find the ex-husband hanging around my house, nor do I want him using his relationship with his child as an excuse to hang around. This can complicate things.

2. That there is only one child being brought into the new marriage;


3. That said child is NOT older than 10 years old. I don't want a half-grown teenager running in and out of MY house telling me "You ain't my Daddy" when I tell them to do something, or when I lay down the ground rules in my house. This can complicate things as well.



Ready-made families are not all bad, but you need to make sure you pick the right "situation" for you.

[Serenity4Ever]

I prefer not to date a man with children because depending on how old they are, he will still have to deal with the mother of those children assuming he has visitation rights and is an active part of their lives--- in which case, she may try to rekindle whatever fire they once had burning (whether it's just a spark of casual sex and/or a booty call OR a full-fledged flaming relationship). If he is not involved with his kids or paying child support, then he has no future with me because I definitely want kids and that lets me know what a "dead-beat-dad" he is. I'm not the one for "baby-mama-drama" so hear me and hear me well: MEN WITH KIDS NEED NOT APPROACH.

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by Serenity4Ever

I prefer not to date a man with children because depending on how old they are, he will have still have deal with the mother of those children assuming he has visitation rights and is an active part of their lives. If he is not involved with his kids or paying child support, then he has no future with me because I definitely want kids and that lets me know what a "dead-beat-dad" he is. I'm not the one for "baby-mama-drama" so hear me and hear me well: MEN WITH KIDS NEED NOT APPROACH.

Well, it depends on how the man approaches the situation. Now, if he hasn't been honest about his dealings with his baby mama then, that's what you need to watch. Because, if he's denying the children by another woman then, he'll probably do the same to you.

[Serenity4Ever]

Originally Posted by MadameX

Well, it depends on how the man approaches the situation. Now, if he hasn't been honest about his dealings with his baby mama then, that's what you need to watch. Because, if he's denying the children by another woman then, he'll probably do the same to you.

True That.