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Originally Posted by saraphen
My 34-year-old son got married for the first time in October to a young lady with an 8-year-old daughter. The little girl's Dad died when she was a baby. Her Mom has had a strong support system in place for years, with Mom's Dad and grandma in town and available to help out. My son was ready to have a family, and they hope to have more children (at least one more). So far they are doing great, and I'm happy to be Grandma to the little girl.
Not having Ex-husbands or baby-daddies around makes a difference. And it helps to have other family to give the new couple some space alone every once in a while.
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Such voices as saraphen's are living evidences of at least two things: very subtley, she calls us to search the ways of those who came b4 us and quickly we'd find that this single parent family is a contradiction in terms and then we'd see where such cold individualism comes from. Not our traditions in this country and definitely not from our Ancient nor old Afrikan & other folk with land/nature based worldview cultures.
Without the voices of our elders, not b n heard, the young folk flounder pick'n and choosing for self from among alien thought and behaviors.
Its a long trip back, again referring to an elder's voice - tho in age I may be as old or older- is like b n within knowledgeable living OurStories! saraphen also subtley mentioned a word that needs examination: SANKOFA. There's even a movie by that name, directed by an Ethiopian brutha released, if i recall correctly, during late 1980s early 1990s.
Another hint in safaphen's messages: a goal for some of her family to join other family members in retirement in Ghana! I dare say that in addition to wanting to return to their source, its an ancestoral call to keep family intact when possible.
Now, and please do not read the following as a corrpution of thread; first bcause I see life as one connected, related whole. I consciouslly violate rules of debate; tho useful, tends to isolate topics in good old european analytical stylee. Carried on into social relations, its called divide and conquer.
The point re single sistas with children, in our traditions in America and definitely in Afrika - no such word as adoption existed. Nor was there any creature called "nuclear family." For example, in some settings the Grandparents had first choice in the socialization process from pre-natal, to earthday, etc. Its said too much friction lives btween bio parents and children and that Grandparents and new baby arrivals have more in common w/ea other. Also a child will have more than one mother and one father. All family members and age set members are mothers and fathers of a child. However when setbacks or disasters occur, traditionally all of the known family members close ranks to care for both the child and if needed the mother. There's much more included, but this may show a few differences between (I mean that literally) Afrikan cultures and Euro/American ones.
Also ea person did and imo should not have sole right to choose a mate.Why?
Simply bcause marriage is a ritual that organically links two families together.
I'm implying that parents/Grandparents of the intended to be married couple have input on if its to be, to whom, when, and bunch of other factors that inexperienced young people need to know, generally speaking. Of course in tradtional societies, yung folk at puberty undergo a "rites of passage" preparing them for adulthood. Even so, still remains input from others than 2 romantic filled young inexperienced folk: wombman and man*.
This topic also points to a weakness in this Euro/American educational philosophy and methods. It trains folk to fit economic needs; it does and can not educate folk to be human among humans.
Ask yourself; why is it so difficult to meet some one worthy to mate with as wife/husband? Why is it that so many sistas are pegged to fulfill their career goals first and then hope to marry, i.e., if the career hasn't become the all in all in their lives. So do many yung bruthas now.
For serious seekers of an opposite mate and desire to peep into one culture for suggestions on why, who, when and how - do a calm critical read of Jomo Kenyatta's FACTING MT. KENYA. Early in the book he points to the almost diametrically differences btween European Educational Thought, goals and methods and his culture's, the Kikuyu of East Afrika.
WE can't transplant entirely what is found there, but if u agree as I do that we are New Afrikans then how will be manifested to you with others.
*on differences between child boy man, see Dr. Naim Akbars:
Visions For Black Men
Thank you
Kwame
Aluta continua
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EDIT: key Sankofa into search engine; the director may still be selling video and maybe DVD copies. If not ck
www.djeliculturalarts.com its here in Atlanta. I viewed it in a movie house here, and bought a video copy. For Regae fans, Muta Baruta is a co-star. The writer/director and his crew did a self distribution trip. Many Black folk missed it. But please buy a copy, and when saraphen mentions expericing feeling ancestors' presences while visiting a Captives holding Fortress, the opening scene in SANKOFA powerfully ignites remembrances. I've never physically been to Afrika, but do believe I experienced it near the Savannah River's dock in Savannah waiting to do a craft show there. In mid-July it had me shrivering as if I'd been forced to drink freezing water and to shower in it. That's onareal. Didn't scare me; just left me feeling sad and angry the rest of that day,,,, and probably even now...
I Wouldn't Have it any Different
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