Men who don't cheat: Why not? List reasons.

[StJohn1726]

Originally Posted by RealTalk3000

if a man doesnt cheat, people will think he's sprung or cant get anybody else. In america a man is a person who has more than one woman in their lives, and women seem to accept it. Why you think so many men are dogs? the good men always end up bashed for being "a Good man"

You and RBG3 are the only two who have given reasons why you believe men cheat or choose not to cheat. Thank you for your honesty.

Honestly fellas, the "temptation" talk sounds like BS, but that's just my opinion. Whether temptation presents itself or not is irrelevant unless you possess deep within yourself the desire to be with another woman.

I'll put it out there. I'm married 8+ years to a wonderful black woman who takes great care of me and whom I love without question. I'd be a lying a$$ if I said I didn't want to test the waters with someone else. I'm not talking booty-call chick, I mean someone I could see being a long term "mistress," so to speak (bigamy will be illegal for the foreseeable future). In the same way I feel confident I love 2 children unconditionally (don't get it twisted; I'm not calling women children or suggesting they are child-like), I’m confident I have to capacity to love (emotionally) 2 women.

I have not, and believe wholeheartedly that I will not pursue a romantic relationship with this other woman. I choose not to because I know the repercussions will be more than I want to manage.

Because my wife has been trained to look upon a romantic relationship between myself and another woman as a form of disrespect for my wife, I can be reasonably sure her feelings would be hurt. It matters not, how well I treat my wife and demonstrate my adoration. While the risks of disease and potential financial redistribution due to other children are real possibilities, most women do not need to consider these factors before "feeling" disrespected.

Bottom line?
I don't want to hurt my wife's feelings.
I don't want to give up my wife for this other woman, even if, potentially, the grass really is greener over there.

The desire has never ebbed and I doubt it will ever go away, but as long as the two reasons above hold true, I will choose not to “cheat” on my wife.

An aside: Cheat is a stupid word that really does not apply to these relationship issues.

I'm sure someone will point out that I'm likely to feel the same way should the shoe be placed on the other foot. Yes I would, however, I have considered many of the reasons why I would feel that way. My experience has been that most people don't think about why they react as they do to such things. For the most part, people tend to just go with the flow. Society says when a spouse treats another person as well as that spouse treats you, that spouse is disrespecting you through the equitable treatment of the other, and we all reply," Yes, I concur."

[VICVALLIN]

i don't cheat because it logically doesn't make sense to me to do so. i mean, if i wanted to sleep with a different woman every other weekend then why get in a relationship?? i feel that if you want to sleep around just stay single.

[RealTalk3000]

I feel in america your manhood is defined by how big your member is if you know what i mean, and by how many people you can sleep with or had slept with in your past. In society women feel or men feel you arent a man if you havent cheated or have someone on the side. they will joke around saying he's sprung if he only commits to just one woman only.Ive noticed women mistreat or will quickly cheat on a man who's good to her before she will a man who really doesnt respect her and who will cheat back. It seem in society whats bad is good and whats good is bad. Women complain he's too boring,he doesnt want to try new things in the bedroom,so she finds her reasons to go and dip outside the relationship and sleep with tyrone jenkins who does everything she considers "EXCITING". I knew a couple who lived next door to me that was in a situation that im talkin about. The Wife was kinda like ghetto and she was like a wild chick, and her Hubby is the down to earth kinda guy, church going, not too out there like his wife. So as her husband goes to Iraq to defend his country and provide a better living for his family, his wife is creepin with the baby's daddy which is her EX (He;s her EX for a reason) so word got out that she was creepin on him, so they divorced, and she was stationed to another state. see dude was good to her, and accepted her daughter also. Some women dont appreciate a good man until he's gone and moved on to a greener pasture. Cause Im not defending a man who cheats but I see why men are the way they are, because it seem as if being good to a woman is a waste of time, and they feel as if when they are ready to be good all of a sudden that the man she get over it and be thankful. I feel dont wait too late when you are damaged goods, and you are done cheating with multiple men, that a man should accept you for who you are. because word gets around about a person quick anyway. I want anyone to answer this.. WHy do women give good men the REST of them and give the DOGS the best of them when they are in their best shape,but she give the good men the babies, her financial burdens,etc...?

[onelove917]

Originally Posted by MadameX

Agreed.Statics are not always accurate.

Yes, and the media is full of misinformation also.

For example, a constant assertion of a 70% out of wedlock birth rate combined with any of a number of shows wherein a black male abandons his children, creates a horrid implication. But, how does this "dirty dog image" measure up against the 4 million black men who have committed to a relationship with a black woman.

Who says that a lot of guys don't marry the lady after she has given birth ?

[216 East]

Originally Posted by StJohn1726

Please spare us any altruistic Bull Shiggity. Just want honest answers to why you don't step out on your S/O.

I have not and wouldn't cheat on my lady queen of 6 years, because she has given me a wonderful little queen seed that is now 5 years golden on this the 27th of june!

One must not let our seeds grow without the right nurturing care and love of 2, and for me to slander the bond that is eternal and the seed that is of me to follow a devilish temptation would be weak and treacherous!

Sure we as men get tempted, because the devils have placed in front of every man and woman's eyes the sins of the flesh...but if me and you as the kings we are, really love and want to see our foundation get stronger, and our likeness grow up to be just as strong, then we won't fall for it!

The only one's that fall for the sins of the flesh are the weak, blind, and unloving! And the devil feeds off that and lays in front of a weak and blind person the world, and makes you forget your duties as a King(bros), and a Queen(our earths).

[elmb]

Allll that is wonderfully said but here is my question piggy backing on the original one. IF you feel the need to go outside of your relationship/marriage, why not just be honest and tell your partner and give them the choice of whether or not they want to still deal....

Hold on, I may sound crazy.....but I told my 'now sepererated from' husband a year ago that if he didn't start shaping up, I would go out and find me someone to treat me better. I wanted to feel loved....I said it...

Why can't men be honest like that???? Why couldn't he be honest epecially when I said that, just say, "you know what??? me too"...instead of doing it on the sneak tip and then getting caught and essentially making a biiiig mess of everything???

Please, enlighten my brothers........

[StJohn1726]

Originally Posted by elmb

Allll that is wonderfully said but here is my question piggy backing on the original one. IF you feel the need to go outside of your relationship/marriage, why not just be honest and tell your partner and give them the choice of whether or not they want to still deal....

Hold on, I may sound crazy.....but I told my 'now sepererated from' husband a year ago that if he didn't start shaping up, I would go out and find me someone to treat me better. I wanted to feel loved....I said it...

Why can't men be honest like that???? Why couldn't he be honest epecially when I said that, just say, "you know what??? me too"...instead of doing it on the sneak tip and then getting caught and essentially making a biiiig mess of everything???

Please, enlighten my brothers........

Opening cliche: Men are from Mars...

What we do makes sense to US, although it may appear to be nonsense to a woman.

When we tire of a woman and stop caring, all discretion goes out the window and the lying stops. Why? Because we have nothing to lose and it's time to move on. If we creep with some semblance of discretion, it's because we don't want to give you up. In some way, shape or form you still matter to us and we would feel the loss if you left.

We assume in most cases, that in being up front about wanting to see another we forfeit what we have with you. If we still care about you, that forfeiture is unacceptable to us, hence, we seek to deprive you of the power of choosing not to remain with us. That's why it's sometimes called "cheating" - deceptive means of depriving someone of something that is rightfully theirs, specifically, "choice" in this discussion.

Granted, there are those who are lazy leeches in human form, who stick around because a woman a has a good job and is willing to clean up behind his sorry a$$, but I don't believe this to be the case most times.

C'mon, this has been going on for thousands of years so apparently there is just something in the human male that supports this behavior. There are examples of so-called righteous men in the Bible with 2 or more wives. What has changed is the economics. Women are far less dependent on us for security since we left the farms for the cities. You have more leverage for making demands regarding your treatment by men and many of you use that leverage unabashedly.

Men, face it. Patriarchy and all the perks that came with it are rapidly disappearing in Western nations. Nothing short of a global catastrophe knocking us back to the stone ages is going to restore it as the natural order.

I don't know how enlightenling you find this, but it might be worth $0.02

Peace & Love

[Istlota]

Originally Posted by StJohn1726

Men, face it. Patriarchy and all the perks that came with it are rapidly disappearing in Western nations. Nothing short of a global catastrophe knocking us back to the stone ages is going to restore it as the natural order.

Why would you think patriarchy is rapidly disappearing in the West? With the notable exceptions of Finland and Ireland, Western nations still are not yet ready to elect female heads of state, as Hillary recently found out.

There is a clear reason for this. Western culture was and is still empowered by christianity [Hebrews 13:17, I Peter 2:13], accurately described as the opiate of the masses. And, christianity has taught for about two millenia that a wife is supposed to "submit" to her husband [Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18], not the other way around.

The largest megachurchs still prefer to have a man as a pastor.

Ask Frances Swaggert if "saved" husbands in the west lust after other women:

BBC ON THIS DAY | 21 | 1988: TV evangelist quits over sex scandal

Ask female televangelist Juanita Bryant if "saved" husbands in the west beat their wives:

Televangelist Juanita Bynum Opens Up about Domestic Violence| Christianpost.com

[StJohn1726]

Originally Posted by Istlota

Why would you think patriarchy is rapidly disappearing in the West? With the notable exceptions of Finland and Ireland, Western nations still are not yet ready to elect female heads of state, as Hillary recently found out.

There is a clear reason for this. Western culture was and is still empowered by christianity [Hebrews 13:17, I Peter 2:13], accurately described as the opiate of the masses. And, christianity has taught for about two millenia that a wife is supposed to "submit" to her husband [Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18], not the other way around.

The largest megachurchs still prefer to have a man as a pastor.

Ask Frances Swaggert if "saved" husbands in the west lust after other women:

BBC ON THIS DAY | 21 | 1988: TV evangelist quits over sex scandal

Ask female televangelist Juanita Bryant if "saved" husbands in the west beat their wives:

Televangelist Juanita Bynum Opens Up about Domestic Violence| Christianpost.com

...rapidly disappearing...My wording was meant to suggest a change that is in progress, not one that has reached completion. If I must be more specific regarding my intent, let me focus on the perks of patriarchy with respect to male/female romantic and/or sexual relationships. Hope this brings more clarity.

I'll not disagree with you on Bible-based religion. My personal view is that Bible-based religions are designed to coerce the masses into conformity and compliance through fear. They take advantage of a natural human desire for one's own continuity, and help empower the charismatic charlatans who would exploit those who cleave unto that desire.

Peace & blessings