oh lawd, losin' libido before 30 ???!!!!!

[shadesofchange]

First, allow me to say:
...I gotta be real. I need some help. I'm 26, and I have almost no sex drive whatsoever. This is a fairly new development in my life and is truly throwing me for a loop. It's like I blew a fuse and can't find the service panel! Anybody got any constructive input/advice/insight?
Lil' background: I guess, in this day and age, I would be considered a bit of a late bloomer--started dating at 20; first physical encounter at 21; first letigimatey sexual encounter at 24. Can't say either one was "mind-blowing" (more like mind-numbing).

Long story short--Boyfriend 1 was emotionally distant and turned out to be married. Boyfriend 2 was no less a cheater. From my early teens to about a couple years ago, my level of desire was quite healthy, although I chose to keep it to myself. But since the ending of the 2nd relationship, it has plummeted.

...took some time for myself, and I'm now with somebody wonderful. We have plans to go half on a life together. Things are wonderful. But the libido still seems to be in hiding.

Now, don't get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoy being intimate with him. The emotional fulfillment, sense of real love from and oneness with him, and awareness of his pleasure are enough to satisfy me in the moment. I can play along, and sex has become sort of a fun exercise, but I hardly ever feel anything remotely close to physical, sexual pleasure. Only faint inklings resembling the possible beginnings of a good physical sensation--and, of course, no climax (never experienced climax with a man, only solo). I know I'm missing something physical here, and I'm frankly getting sick of it.

I graduated from college last year after many long years of Architectural study. (If anybody knows anything about this major, it's that it's DRAINING.) I'm just now beginning to recover from the exhaustion I inflicted upon myself. Dealt with some depression over the years. Some medical problems, but I'm generally healthy and I've been gradually working toward a more holistic/natural foods diet. And, of course, I'm on the pill. I guess all these could be contributors to the issue.

I don't know if the problem is all phychological or all physical or both. At one time, intercourse was considerably painful, but we've gotten past that, and now it is at least bearable, even comfortable. I'm gradually getting past the point of feeling a heavy weight of obligation to satisfy his sexual needs, and the idea doesn't annoy me so much anymore. I think I'm starting to see the light, but I still don't know what's ahead. Baby boy is well aware of the problem, it is an ongoing topic of discussion for us, and he goes out of his way to help me through this. I have no idea where my libido is hiding or when it's gonna come back, but I'd at least like it to make an appearance for the honeymoon!

ANYBODY HEAR ME?!!!

[afrocentric]

you didn't mention kids so i'm assuming you don't have any. sounds like you need a vacations and some relaxations.

[The Dragon]

It's great that you and soon to be hubby are getting this out in the open, right now and just being honest about it before things go any furhter. first I'd like to ask you were you on any medication while you were dealing with your sickness and did you take any medications while in your depression? I ask this because a lot of times, prescribed medications can cause a lack of interest in sex; Then again, so can stress.

I can identify with you totally. I was a VERY late comer to dating and having sexual contacts. I have been celibate for 6 and 7 years at different times in my life. I have come to accept that I am not a very sexual being and everyone has different sexual needs.

I need a partner whose sexual needs mirror my own. Do you think that you and your partner are on par in concerning this? Maybe you really like and even love him but is not sexually attracted to him?

There are a lot of things that could be contributing to your lack of libido. You need to discover what it/they are and go from there.

None here can really tell you what is going on with you.

[UglymanCometh]

It could be natural. I'm asexual and don't have a sex drive.... haven't had one for years.