The Marrying Kind?

[JABOOM]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

i have a seiko kinetic......


it changed my thing.....


i would but my son has bad knees....

.........I'M DONE

[CatsPaw]

Here is the paragraph on men's biological clocks;

Biological Clocks
We spoke to 121 men in their forties who were marrying for the first time. Their reason for marrying was different than that of the younger men we interviewed. Many of these older men were eager to marry because their biological clock was running. Obviously, a man's biological clock isn't the same as a woman's, but men are often in just as much of a hurry to have children. They're not worried about physically being able to father a child, but about being a father to the child. Men forty-two and older who were about to marry looked forward to having children, and they almost unanimously pictured themselves as fathers of sons. They want to be young enough when their sons come along to teach them all the things fathers traditionally teach their sons-to ride a bicycle, to fish, to play ball, and so forth. The most important reason these men had for marrying was that if they waited much longer, they wouldn't be able to be active fathers. So if you meet a man in his forties who tells you he's eager to have a son so he can do those male-bonding things, know that these things are very important to him, and they'll dramatically increase his readiness to marry.

[Sumyr]

Here is the paragraph on men's biological clocks;

Biological Clocks
We spoke to 121 men in their forties who were marrying for the first time. Their reason for marrying was different than that of the younger men we interviewed. Many of these older men were eager to marry because their biological clock was running. Obviously, a man's biological clock isn't the same as a woman's, but men are often in just as much of a hurry to have children. They're not worried about physically being able to father a child, but about being a father to the child. Men forty-two and older who were about to marry looked forward to having children, and they almost unanimously pictured themselves as fathers of sons. They want to be young enough when their sons come along to teach them all the things fathers traditionally teach their sons-to ride a bicycle, to fish, to play ball, and so forth. The most important reason these men had for marrying was that if they waited much longer, they wouldn't be able to be active fathers. So if you meet a man in his forties who tells you he's eager to have a son so he can do those male-bonding things, know that these things are very important to him, and they'll dramatically increase his readiness to marry.

Catspaw, This is very interesting. I've got some thoughts/comments about this though. But first, I would like to hear from our own men here in Afro Chat with regards to the accuracy of the article....................before I jump the gun with my take on this article.

[CatsPaw]

Originally Posted by JABOOM

My question is.........why are women looking for gimmicks and time periods to catch a man, why not get what you want out of your personal life THEN find somebody your compatible with?

I don't think that women are looking for gimmicks as much as they are wanting to spare themselves wasting their time with men that are not on the same page as they are. I am finding that marriage is more important to Black women than most other women and studies are being conducted into the health consequenses (physical and mental) on never married women.

"Using Wave 1 of the National Survey of Families and Households, this paper examines the psychological distress of never-married African American and white women aged 19-35; attention is given to the roles of education and social psychological factors, including attitudes toward marriage and mate selection preferences, in explaining race differences. Results reveal that African American women report higher distress than white women, and this relationship does not vary by education. The race difference in distress is largely accounted for by African Americans’ women's more positive view of marriage, particularly regarding the economic security it provides. In addition, the more favorable perceptions of marriage held by less educated never-married women of both race groups provide a partial explanation for their higher levels of distress, relative to their more educated peers.

[Misti1]

VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Informative..I can agree with much of this.

[jamesfrmphilly]

Originally Posted by CatsPaw

I don't think that women are looking for gimmicks as much as they are wanting to spare themselves wasting their time with men that are not on the same page as they are. I am finding that marriage is more important to Black women than most other women and studies are being conducted into the health consequences (physical and mental) on never married women.

"Using Wave 1 of the National Survey of Families and Households, this paper examines the psychological distress of never-married African American and white women aged 19-35; attention is given to the roles of education and social psychological factors, including attitudes toward marriage and mate selection preferences, in explaining race differences. Results reveal that African American women report higher distress than white women, and this relationship does not vary by education. The race difference in distress is largely accounted for by African Americans’ women's more positive view of marriage, particularly regarding the economic security it provides. In addition, the more favorable perceptions of marriage held by less educated never-married women of both race groups provide a partial explanation for their higher levels of distress, relative to their more educated peers.

there is a dis connect some where. why are so many black women with males who will never marry them?
why are there so many out of wedlock births?
why the attraction for the thug?

young black women have a reputation for not really caring about a man.
you guys don't need us remember?

[Sumyr]

there is a dis connect some where. why are so many black women with males who will never marry them?
why are there so many out of wedlock births?
why the attraction for the thug?

young black women have a reputation for not really caring about a man.
you guys don't need us remember?

James, I agree that women (myself) included have at times found ourselves in a relationship where we knew the end result would be separation instead of marriage. I can only give my reason for entering the relationship in the first place and I DO NOT represent all women while giving "my" reason.

I entered a relationship with what society has labeled as a thug knowing full well I wouldn't stay in this relationship past three months. I wasn't looking to get married (at that time) and embarked upon that journey only because I "knew" before hand what I was getting: excitement, great sex, no commitment, and experience in this avenue. I got all I bargained for and more. And it lasted no more than 3 months as I had known/planned it would. That was my first and last time with a "thug".

And you are correct - we don't need men - at all. Speaking for myself, I want you (men) and always will, but never need you. But on the other hand, I will always make you feel needed and wanted at the same time; this is something I recently learned. It is important in a relationship. Would you believe this is what I learned from the "thug" of all people - hence my and more statement above. He taught me that I don't make my man feel needed at all and any form or fashion. He was right; I couldn't argue. I thought about past relationships and I have never made one man feel needed or really wanted for that matter. I've always been the type "men are like Lay's potato chips - take all you want, they'll make more." He told me that the reason that he loved his child mother's (well he said baby's moma) but I hate that term............moving along...........he said he loved her despite of her lazy, evil ways is because she always made him feel needed. I thought that was because she did need him as she never had a job. But in talking to some of his family member's they said she was a very "expressive" girl and was never shy about letting him and others know how much she cared for him. And while they were together it was never a doubt in anyone's mind that she loved him.

I on the other hand would say I love you, but in the same breathe tell you I could have 10 more even better than you should ever choose to cross me. Over time, I learned that it is okay to show someone that you need them, but this doesn't mean without them you loose your independence.

Now for your question regarding having babies out of wedlock: You should pose this same question to the men, as last time I checked it took both men and women to have babies out of wedlock.

[Misti1]

James
On a personal level I am not really interested in being married again, and it is not a primary goal of mine as I enter a relationship. That being said, I do not discount it if the right person comes along. I have not been in a relationship for a couple of years now, but the last man I was with had all of the potential for it to develop that way if we both desired. I don't get that involved with someone unless they at least have the potential.

[jamesfrmphilly]

Originally Posted by Sumyr

it took both men and women to have babies out of wedlock.

actually, it takes a man to conceive. after that it is up to her.

men are not the ones who claim to be trying to get married, women are. within that context it is foolish for women to be laying with men who will not marry them. women damage their chances for marriage by having children out of wedlock.

there is a dis connect.

[CatsPaw]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

there is a dis connect some where. why are so many black women with males who will never marry them?
why are there so many out of wedlock births?
why the attraction for the thug?

young black women have a reputation for not really caring about a man.
you guys don't need us remember?

I knew this was gonna come up and here is what the article says about just that.

Handling the Stringers
If you're dating a man who has had one or more long-term relationships with other women and didn't marry them, there's a real possibility he's a stringer. A stringer is a man who strings women along. He likes having a woman, sleeping with a woman, eating with a woman, possibly sharing his life with a woman without ever making a real commitment. He often tells women, up front, he never intends to marry, so if and when he decides he wants to cut out, she has no reason to complain.
If you think you may be involved with a stringer, establish a deadline. If he doesn't commit to you within six months, get rid of him. Pay no attention to his excuses. He may tell you that you're coming on too strong. He may complain that the two of you haven't been going together long enough, that he doesn't know, that he hasn't made up his mind. In fact, he is likely to tell you anything that will get you to stick around without his needing to make a commitment. Don't fall for it. The chances a stringer will marry are very slim; he is simply not the marrying kind.
Earlier I mentioned those men who went with one woman for a time, then shortly thereafter went out and married another. This was the pattern, in fact, that initiated our research.
So we questioned the couples in which the man had gone with one woman for years and was marrying another. The women who married these men insisted they commit early in the relationship. If you meet a man who has had a long-term relationship, make it clear to him that if he dates you for a certain length of time, you'll expect a ring. If he doesn't understand that, you haven't done your job. Don't think his affirmative response to such a declaration is a precursor to his making a commitment. He's strung many women along, and he may try it with you. If after six months you don't have a firm commitment, leave.We ran across at least fifty men we could identify as stringers. They can be very dangerous. I estimate each one is responsible for at least two women remaining single. They are destructive because they con women into wasting their time during the years when they are most attractive and most likely to get a proposal. They stay with women, live with women, promise them marriage, and string them on and on indefinitely.
There is one surefire way to identify these men-they are usually repeat offenders. If a man had even one long-term relationship with someone else, he's very likely to be a stringer. If he does not set a firm date, be on your guard.

The statements contained in this paragraph will be tough for many women to swallow because it is tough to leave a man when emotions are involved and it seems stringer men play on that.