Finding the balance (Knowing How To Love)

[Talent]

Tell me what love is? What does love feels like?

If you polled 50 men and 50 women the answers recieved would be as varied and unidentifiable as signatures along gender lines.

Because love as demonstrated through the behaviors of either gender, and the virtues that give form to this four letter spirit are split evenly 50/50 between both sexes.
Split in much the same way that day versus night, and right opposes wrong, why up resist down, and hot negates cold, or sweet eases sour, how soft becomes hard......or when good triumphs over evil.

So why then do men get labled dogs by so many women, when so many men feel disrespected, unappreciated, desserted by their woman?
And why do so many woman get labled tramps by so many men, when so many women feel neglected? abused, taken for granted by their men?

For every good man, there is a good woman.
Conversely for every bad man, there is an equally bad woman.
Its 50/50 and God made no mistakes.
The dichotemy is precise, we are reminded of this perfect split in all things we see.

Our roll on earth is to find the balance in love, be fruitful and multiply.
To go forth in search of that one, that special one that makes your half of Gods vision, whole.

Like musical chairs, in perpetual motion, round and round we go, man and woman in inifinite rhythm in love, and even those seeking love, a love that l will last for centuries.
Paired in in harmonic tandem, we roll, we rock, we sway to the music until it stops...

And love takes a seat.

No words spoken...only silence, and the cold reality that a love has gone a stray.

The heart wars leave permanent scars, and the lonely left standing.

Finding the balance in love requires unapologetic high and low risk communication, because finding the truth about your person of interest can be very hard.
Women need to utilize these tools, and men need to utilize them as well.

Often the truth lies embedded within the sacred memories of your mate, unbeknownst to you, it remains there.
Those of us grown beyond our first loves, know that often these hidden truths resurface in the form of cold behaviours in those we eventually love in the future.
They come as brick walls, or an inability to trust, unfair assumptions, and denial.
Those we love and we hope love us find it hard to admit that there remain scars, and memories that affect the way they interact with you, just know for yourself, there is no present without the past, so govern yourself accordingly.

Finally, finding the balance requires skillful patient, listening.
Listening is a lost art and an even more critical tool then inquiry.
Because its whats in the words spoken by your loved one, that if missed could provide the most significant clue to the promise of love, or eminent danger ahead. Listening is lets you know if you are or are not in the right situation.

For many us, the truth hurts.
We often ignore certain things our lovers say, comments they make, a chance memory they share. Many deny certain things that were said, even when they are repeated adnauseum.
Like, I dont love you anymore?

Being balanced in love and relationships means knowing yourself to the extent that every word uttered by your significant other to you, is intended to gain a permit to your soul. A pass, persmission.

You have to take that information both men and women and use your commonsense to thwart the nonsense, or accept what is said come what may.

So listen carefully, to every word, and be honest to yourself when something you hear alarms you.

Because some women will say they are looking for a love, but dont know what love is, only years of chilling...
Because some women have shacked but never married, just procreated, but never new love with the kids father or fathers....
Then some women have an idea of love, but not a clue of how to work it, they have never managed a successful relationship in the past, so success in the future remains a question mark, because love is an action word, a learned behavior.
You cant truly love if you have never been loved, or taught how to love.

To that end..

Because some men will say they are looking for love, when what they want is a mother.
Because some men find making babies a way to keep you, as opposed to wanting you
Because some men will tell you they are in need of a good woman, but only mean good sex...or constant sex for the sake of practice and nothing else.
Because so many men fear infidelity, they become infidels.

Because so many of us were never taught how to be MEN.

Both men and women bear the weight of shattered affections and the fear of loving again, especially after being carried in the past by those who took advantage of their kindness...

Because finding the balance in love is a purposeful excercise in speech, inquiry and listening...in patience, pleasure, pain, and trust each other to be diligent and go beyond the unknown places.

Especially for those that dont know what love is, or what it feels like.

Do you know what love is?

[matrixone05]

I know you just spoke a mouthful of many truths.

For me and my life lessons, I've learned that love is giving...unselfishly and learning to receive.
Its trying to lift someone up instead of tearing down.
Its saying I appreciate you. Its validating. Its rewarding you for loving me too,
Its learning to be still and pay attention, because sometimes how someone says or shows love is not always the exact way we want.
Its learning to be still and pay attention because how someone feels loved is not always the exact way we want to show or give it.
Its respectful and trusting.
It does not hold the object of our heart accountable for someone elses wrongs...it lets go of the baggage for the right one.
Its patient and will also speak its mind and allow one to be themselves and grow within it.
Its comforting and a place to be wrapped up and let go.
It is all the things we will allow it to be and its potential is limitless...