I hate my skin color so much:(

[latisha313]

forget it. i don't want any advice from anyone here. since people would rather say that i am a troll instead of believing that skin color is still a problem for some in the black community. and being told to see a white therapist (which is what most universities have)to deal with an issue about my skin color is not going to help me any.

[UglymanCometh]

Hmm.

Doubt that it's your skin colour. Judging by the 313 at the end of your screen name, I'm assuming that you're from Detroit. I don't know where you hang out at or where you go to school, but dark-skinned women are getting snapped up in large quantities in this town (my fiancee is dark skinned as well)

Maybe you need to get out of Detroit, because most of the men here are full of B.S. anyway. Also, the age-old question begs to be asked... what kind of men are you going for?

If you're going for the same kinds that most other sistas go for, you're setting yourself up for major disappointment anyway.

[UglymanCometh]

One more thing... your skin colour probably has little to do with it now. High school boys (and girls) are extremely superficial, especially in Detroit. Let that go.

I happen to think that dark skinned women are the sexiest ones on this planet... but that's just me. *shrugs*

[latisha313]

I don't have money to move out of state.

What am I doing wrong? I make myself look nice yet I cannot find a boyfriend

[UglymanCometh]

Originally Posted by latisha313

I don't have money to move out of state.

What am I doing wrong? I make myself look nice yet I cannot find a boyfriend

Yeah, I'm stuck in Detroit for a while too (until I get my Urban Studies & Ply Sci degree).

What kind of man are you looking for? I guarantee we'd find the answer to your dilemma there.

[Sumyr]

Latisah313, First, you need to pray. Then pray some more. The problem you are having has nothing to do with the complexion of your skin. It has to do more so with what is within - nothing. If nothing is inside of you, nothing will radiate to the outside. Let's suppose for a moment that you were a lighter complexion, say Aaliyah's complexion since this is the example you used. You still wouldn't have a man. You would only then find something else about yourself to hate or dislike.

If color could get/keep a man - then why in the hell are so many light skinned celebrities single? Hell, I have several friends that are as fair as the driven snow and neither has ever been married and one is almost 40. I know many a dark, chocolate sisters with men. Uglymancometh suggested that you should leave Detroit. But leaving Detroit won't change your attitude about yourself. Plus, nogood men are rampant in every state. So leaving one state for the other won't solve that problem either.

Skin color doesn't attract a man - not a good one anyway. Confidence in ones self will. Killing/hurting yourself won't solve your problem. The best way to find a good man - stop looking and pray.

[latisha313]

Originally Posted by UglymanCometh

Yeah, I'm stuck in Detroit for a while too (until I get my Urban Studies & Ply Sci degree).

What kind of man are you looking for? I guarantee we'd find the answer to your dilemma there.

I've always been attracted to men who are very outgoing, with a strong personality, lots of friends--think of the Alpha male type. The type of guy who probably would have been really popular in high school. i've always desired those type of guys because in high school they never gave me the time of day...and kinda still don't..mostly becaue I am very shy, reserved and quiet. Usually if you see me i am all by myself.

[latisha313]

Originally Posted by Sumyr

Latisah313, First, you need to pray. Then pray some more. The problem you are having has nothing to do with the complexion of your skin. It has to do more so with what is within - nothing. If nothing is inside of you, nothing will radiate to the outside. Let's suppose for a moment that you were a lighter complexion, say Aaliyah's complexion since this is the example you used. You still wouldn't have a man. You would only then find something else about yourself to hate or dislike.

If color could get/keep a man - then why in the hell are so many light skinned celebrities single? Hell, I have several friends that are as fair as the driven snow and neither has ever been married and one is almost 40. I know many a dark, chocolate sisters with men. Uglymancometh suggested that you should leave Detroit. But leaving Detroit won't change your attitude about yourself. Plus, nogood men are rampant in every state. So leaving one state for the other won't solve that problem either.

Skin color doesn't attract a man - not a good one anyway. Confidence in ones self will. Killing/hurting yourself won't solve your problem. The best way to find a good man - stop looking and pray.

i always noticed that lighter skin women have more confidence, mainly because they are treated much more favorably in society. I figured that if I were born lightskin or mixed race, with light eyes and long straight hair I'd have high self esteem because I represent the standard of beauty--especially in the black community.

and I hear how guys talk. i had a few guys friends. one of them used to always try to uplift my self confidence by saying skin color doesn't matter to black guys yet when i go on his myspace, he has ALL lightskin and white women on his page..with the exception of ONE dark chocolate girl. It's like black guys say one thing and do another.

[SchoolofSoul]

Originally Posted by latisha313

I hate being a darkskin Black woman and I often contribute my skin color to the reason why I am single at 22 years old. It seems that the lighter skin women seem to get dates much more easily than I do. I sometimes wish that I could take a pill that would make me much lighter all over like Aaliyah's complexion.

Since I've been in college I have yet to meet any decent guys. I recently started at a new university and thought that I'd have no trouble finding a guy since there are black guys all over the place but no one has even cared to approach me. I was walking down the hallway from class, and a lightskin girl was walking beside me and the black guys noticed her and told her she was "cute". I felt so ignored and rejected. Especially since I go through all the trouble of watching my weight, wearing very nice clothes, and keeping my hair long and straight yet the lightskin girl throws her hair back in a messy little do and she gets hit on more than i do.

I am very anti-social due to my experiences. Like I avoid going to clubs or big events because I notice black guys tend to pursue the lightskin girls more than the darker complected ones. I end up feeling suicidal once I leave a club because I never meet anybody or get asked to dance as often as the black girls who have sharper features than I do. My male best friend met a girl who is very lightskin with hazel eyes and he always raves about her beauty and how everytime they go out to a club black guys are constantly trying to get her to dance with them. I feel so insecure and wish that I could get really light and receive that kind of attention. But I am darkskin and I feel so ugly and unattractive.

In high school I had a freind who was fair complected, fairly cute, and whenever we would go to the mall boys would walk up to her, start converstions and tell her how she was a sexy redbone while I was standing there being completely ignored. I remember being the most suicidal during the entire duration of our friendship. She would often make subtle references to her lightskin being more desirable. And when she got a boyfriend, she used to share with me how he would never ever be with a darkskin girl. I felt offended that she would share this with me being that I am darkskin. From there, I started bleaching my skin but never got anywhere near being lightskin. It only lightened me a few shades and I was still considered dark brown

I try to stay out of the sun as much as possible because when I get darker black guys don't even notice me at all. When the weather warms up I start to lighten up a little and then I will get some guys interested in me but nothing serious comes out of these encounters

In my 20s this is a period where relationships should be thriving yet I am alone. Meeting guys and dating is so foreign to me. I have been a loner most of my life. i am so depressed and discouraged with life i don't know what to do. sometimes i even inflict pain upon myself because i feel my existance is so worthless. my dad even questions why i don't go out and date..yet he doesn't understand that there is no one around me who finds me worthy enough to go out with

i need help

You are NOT ugly. Just get that thought out of your head right now. You are NOT ugly. You are beautiful.

Never EVER believe, for one minute more of your life, that your dark skin is something that makes you unattractive. There are actually many men who find a dark skinned woman to be the height of beauty. Don't worry about not playing in a field of fools. The right man for you will come along, this much is assured. You are waiting for the right man, not just any old idiot with a penis. (And any male who'd turn you down because of your dark skin is an idiot, believe that.)

I know, from your words, that you have a lot of love to give. I know how much it hurts not to be able to give that love, too. But I also know that whatever man is fortunate enough to discover the wonder that is you will have a lifetime of joy. I am absolutely certain of it.

Don't despair, my dear. Just be patient, and do as sister Sumyr suggests - stop looking for a man, and just pray.

Remember - YOU ARE LOVED.

[UglymanCometh]

Latisha, what school do you attend? If you attend WSU, we need to talk RIGHT NOW.

I'd bet money that you aren't ugly.