He loves me? NOT! - AfroChat - African American

lovendesire · April 2nd, 2007, 11:58 PM

Alright here it is y'all,
I been in love with my boss since th day I laid eyes on him. He's not all that in the looks department but I just... I don't know something happened. Anyway that was four years ago he was in a relationship then so I decided to leave him alone until he worked that situation out. I mean I give respect cause I want it and he had just moved to the Chi so they were tryin to do the long distance thing. It didn't work out (nothing to do with me) just didn't. We always had mad chemistry so naturally it was my assumption that he would come running to me when it was all over. It didn't happen. Instead we went through complicated intervals of dating sporadically and having steamy moments of passion in the office and out-never had sex. Until... well I'll get to that anyway there was always something in the way of this relationship ever coming to fruition, always!

He claims that because we work together it would never work but we still work together and we still see each other. It was three years before we actually had sex ( it was mind blowing!) and it only happened once. Its been almost a year ago. Problem is everytime I get out-he pulls me back in

! So okay I was trying to date other people because he made it clear that he was but I felt only for him. Then finally this year I met someone who I did like and I was gettin free of this man. Problem (2) when he sees me getting a way from him forreal-fareal he gets real sweet and nervous starts doing all the stuff I tell him I always wanted somebody to do for me and then when other person is out of the picture and he knows it. He goes back to the same bullshit games! Its like I'm dating a married man people (and he isn't I assure you)! I have meet his family slept in his home he is single trust me on that. We will be like this happy couple from 9-5 at work and when we get off I hear nothing from and the weekends...forget it! Its like I die to him until monday!

I mean he spends nice money on me kisses me like woo and then bam when we are off the clock-WE off the damn clock. I can't do this anymore.

He continues to reinerate that I am very special to him and that he doesn't know what he wants and that it's complicated. But come-on? Four years worth of complicated? Over bullshit! Other little tacky relationships with other females, time to himself, or I'm just plain not what he wants- I don't know, igiveup... I would not have a problem with not being what he wants but, when I say it- he gets beligerant to the point of hostility at the idea of me suggesting that might be the problem. I feel like a total idiot-total. It really makes me feel like I'm just not good enough all the time. I am fixing this and working on that hopin that once I get one last thing right then he will love me. Each time I find that the thing I fixed still just wasn't enough. And he still... loves me not. What is this? Talk to me.

poeticasylum1 · April 3rd, 2007, 12:24 AM

seems to me, he has a spell or something on you. You have dealt with this stuff for 4 years? Come on, if dude cant make up his mind that (he wants you, not that you are special) then he is just dragging you along, until there is something else to do. If things between you are just like you say they are...well he is being double minded. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. The question is do you want double mindedness to continue to dominate your relationship or do you want peace of mind and let the joker go period. Your decision.

Babydoll · April 3rd, 2007, 04:06 PM

He's just not that into you

LadyDivine · April 3rd, 2007, 05:16 PM

LOOK at how much of your life has passed you by WAITING FOR HIM!

My dear sister....time is the most precious commodity we have on this earth. I will spend money to save time because I know time can never, ever be redeemed.

You do not have another day to waste on him.
He had his chance and blew it. Move on.

Sometimes sisterfriend we have to set boundaries that include time limits.
HE IS NOT THE LAST MAN STANDING!!

Get it moving...he is interrupting your flow.

God may have someone better waiting for you and he is blocking the entrance in to your life.

Oh, I know people say that it is not that easy...YES IT IS THAT EASY!
Make a conscious decision to JUST DO IT!

Sumyr · April 3rd, 2007, 05:34 PM

Lovendesire, sounds like to me the dog don't want the bone and he doesn't want anyone else to have it either. Sorry, girlfriend, sometimes we have to be blunt like that with one another.

I too had to lose one, to win one. Sometimes we have to remove the stones in our life before God will bless us with diamonds.

LadyD said it best. Re-read what she said below and when you finish - read it again:

Quote:

Sometimes sisterfriend we have to set boundaries that include time limits.
HE IS NOT THE LAST MAN STANDING!!

Get it moving...he is interrupting your flow.

God may have someone better waiting for you and he is blocking the entrance in to your life.

Oh, I know people say that it is not that easy...YES IT IS THAT EASY!
Make a conscious decision to JUST DO IT!

Corals · April 3rd, 2007, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovendesire

We will be like this happy couple from 9-5 at work and when we get off I hear nothing from and the weekends...forget it! Its like I die to him until monday!

Love, what has love got to do with it! It would appear that to him, you are just like his 9-5 job.

Convenient.

I wonder what would happen if he changed jobs?

matrixone05 · April 3rd, 2007, 08:07 PM

Run, do not walk away. There is nothing worse than a relationship in which you do not feel good enough. If he doesn't know or recognize your value, you should. Besides, you have been going through this for all of this time and you aren't even in a committed relationship, smell the coffee. A relationship with him will not be better; it will be worse.

God gives us signs, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not and listen, is up to us.

Mrwhisperz · April 3rd, 2007, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyDivine

God may have someone better waiting for you and he is blocking the entrance in to your life.

Oh, I know people say that it is not that easy...YES IT IS THAT EASY!
Make a conscious decision to JUST DO IT!

Yeah what Lady said......But what I don't get is it seems like you already know the answer but you continue to put yourself through the cycle. Why is that? If he aint change yet he aint gonna change.

Samoon · April 4th, 2007, 03:55 PM

My, LOOK at all of the potential men that you could have dated over a FOUR year time frame! "You got it bad, and that ain't good" as the song says!

Sis? Each and every day YOU have the power to change and only YOU. This guy is not confused--he is only stringing you along because you have made it CONVENIENT for him. Moreso since you are BOTH in the same workplace.

"Throw that fish BACK."

Catch the clue, re-think the possibility of seeking employment elsewhere (because it is going to get ugly up in there before it's over with) or, you have to make up YOUR mind that, "I deserve BETTER than what I am getting." Check it, trinkets, kisses and "I'm confused" are NOT the basis for what you deserve: a fulfilling relationship. Now, GO and get YOUR life and stop holding your breath when the weekends come. My very best to you!

lovendesire · April 4th, 2007, 03:57 PM

I wanna thank everyone for all the love. It is very necessary right now. I appreciate your insight and forthright no b.s. approach of telling me to do what I know I should have done a long time ago. I love you all its like having a bunch of big brothers and sisters looking out. Please keep it coming each response is healing. Special thanks to: Lady D, Poeticasylum1 and Sumyr.