He loves me? NOT!

[Nyela]

Wow sis. I can hardly contain my emotions. This is so real to me. In more ways than one. Certainly many of the details differ but in many ways things are the same...

All I can say is capture your true identity. You have no idea who you really are. You are the most amazing woman you will ever know. But you don't know that yet. You are the most interesting woman you will ever know. But you don't know that yet. You are the most desirable woman you will ever know. But you don't that yet.

Take one day at a time.
Go to the gym. That's a necessity. JUST DO IT! It gives you something to due at least three times a week. Schedule it so that you know it's a part of your activities.
Then learn a new hobby. Tennis, swimming, weightlifting, rollerblading..something...endulge in something new. It's refreshing and a feeling of accomplishment.

Then, get online and look for an affordable vacation package...fly or go on a cruise..yes..all alone...remember, this is about getting to know you...
Once you get to know you, you will appreciate who you are so much so, that you would loath giving yourself to someone undeserving. It's hard and sometimes downright unnerving to let go of cancerous relationships. But the benefit far outweighs the risk. You will feel alone and abandoned and extremely lonely initially. But believe me, you will get over it.

Before you know it, the men you deserve will begin to find you attractive. And not just physically. You will exude confidence and power. That alone is very sexy. But don't start dating yet. Wait until you feel completely free. Wait, please wait until you know that you know that you know you can live totally complete without a man. Then and only then should you open yourself up to the possibilities. The mere fact that other types of men come on to you is enough to keep you encouraged. It's not about the men, but what woman doesn't love a warm, tender compliment from a true gentleman.

It's a lot of work. But it's well worth it. I wish I had time to share with you my experience. Girl you can do this. I CERTAINLY DID...

And for the record. I'm not married. But I most definitely am enjoying the ride whether or not I ever arrive.

YOU ARE LOVED, HONORED AND ADORED!
NYELA

[lovendesire]

Wow. Thank you and I will do everything that you suggested the workout routine is everyday. I started that a month ago and still going strong. I feel so emotionally bankrupt right now. TIRED. I know there is so much more that God has for me than this.

Thanks again Sis.

[LadyDivine]

lovendesire,
This was posted earlier this year by Sister Samoon.
Keep your Head Up!


A GOOD WOMAN!!

A good woman is proud of herself. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, or does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs.

A good woman is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.

A good woman has a dash of inspiration, a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and moves toward the future.

A good woman knows God. She knows that with God the world is her playground, but without God she will just be played. A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love.

[b00dah]

lovendesire... it sounds to me as though he's just taking advantage of you on several levels. I can say this comfortably because I was THAT VERY SAME BROTHA several years back. And damn, it all sounds so familiar to me as though it was yesterday. The good that came out of my situation is that I realized it shortly after the breakup that that person was destined to be my soulmate.

You either have to leave this man alone, cold turkey or you're going to have to endure exactly what you've been feeling lately (that bankrupt feeling). Unless he literally comes to his senses, we pray, he's "probably" going to continue leading by that invisible chain he's got linked to your ankle. Brotha man really BLEW YOUR MIND as you put it... and I'm sure it was good, but you've to weigh the good with the bad. Good Luck to you.

But you know... that's just MY opinion.

[ardamus]

Reading what you went through reminded me of why I never date with whom I work with. 4 years of that has to be emotionally trying for you. Not to mention it ties in together both your career and love life. Your boss isn't being fair and you should really move on. If he doesn't kno what he wants, make easier for him and let him know what you want. If he can't fulfill that need, then let him know its over and done with. My ex did the same thing to me and it worked. In any case, good luck with that.

[lovendesire]

Hello Again:

I just wanted to lend insight to another dimension in the relationship I told you about in the initial post. The thing is that this man is wonderful in many, many ways. I think that it is always important to paint a full picture if your going to tell the story. So I return here with the brush. When I presented my first case I didn't make it clear why perhaps this relationship has gone on the way it has for so long. The reason is quite frankly that he has turned out to be one of the best friends I ever had. I know without a doubt that I can count on him and more importantly he always let me know that. I can honestly say that he has gone out of his way for me on many ocassions and in many ways so I have regrets (even though we both remain unknown) about painting him in a negative light. I can't remember a thing that I have tried to do since I have known him that he didn't support me in. And alas, this is why I love him so and crave a deeper relationship with him.

The problem is that he does love me but he is sure that what he doesn't want to do is hurt me. He has never intentionally mislead me. And while the terms of our relationship have often been vague he's been relatively clear about the possibilities of our relationship, and us being "together" has never really been an option that he presented. I have never understood this and don't profess to now. However, when you look at this situation in terms of a friendship- he has been a good friend. He has done much more for me than many of my other good friends. In fact my perspective and much of what I strive to accomplish is because of conversations we have had. He is great. I just wanted more than he could give and I don't think that I can blame him for that (as much as I would like to.)

So yes it has been four years but it has been four years of truth and denial. Four long years of laughter and disappointment. As a woman needing more from a man yes I have wasted my time. As a woman needing a friend it has been time well spent. Overall I guess its been worth it but the heart wants what the heart wants. I have felt loved by this man and that is why its been hell to let the romantic possibilities go and working/seeing him everyday doesn't help. I let him in. He didn't ask me to. Do you have a choice when it comes to love? In this case I don't think I did and I really could have used one.

[Corals]

You know what they say, 'you make your bed, then you must lie in it'

[lovendesire]

I guess. Tough pill to swallow though.

[Reesie]

Lovendesire, I've been in similar situation myself. I loved that "man" for 4 yrs. We were on and off, but my heart couldn't escape him until I got a grip on the woman I knew I was. He was the only man I had met, at the time, that accepted me for the woman I was. We were good friends, but only on his terms: talked when HE felt like it, saw each other when HE felt like it. So were we real true friends? No! Real true friendship goes both ways and it involves real connections on many levels, as well as give and take. This "man" is taking a lot from you and you're allowing it because of your love for him. He knows the hold he has on you and he is using it against you. Even in this friendship that he "shares" with you. Is it really real? I mean...really? Just like you, love had me weak, but it didn't have me blind. I knew better and loved myself more than I loved him and that is why I got a grip. He and I are no longer friends. Not that I couldn't let him and be just friends with him, but his friendship wasn't real so I let go of that part of our relationship too.
You already know that you need to let this little boy in a man's body go. You already know that you're worth more than what he's giving you or else you wouldn't complain about it. Just be strong Sis. This person doesn't care for you. He either already has a woman somewhere. Maybe married. Just because his family doesn't know of a wife, doesn't mean one doesn't exist. Some people keep marriage a secret for whatever reason. I've known people that have done as much. Wife or not, there may be another woman. It's obvious that you fulfill some need of his and that is why he is stringing you along. Don't just know your worth, acknowledge it. Feel it in every fiber of your being and act accordingly. Don't give this boy any more power over you. God may have a blessing for you and you won't find or see him if you keep holding feelings for this person. Let this person go, of which, you never even really had, so that you can be able to receive the MAN God is holding for you. Blessings and strength to you.

[matrixone05]

You make your own choices. But once again I will warn you that God does give us signs. It is up to us if we choose to ignore them or not.

I married "My Best Friend" too. I met him when I was 13 and he was 19. We dated on and off throughout my high school years. I married someoneone else I met in college and after that marriage ended, we hooked back up. I was storybook romance, nose wide open, drive a mack truck through it in love and I married him 20 years after I first met him.

He is very personable, well respected by most people and a professional with over 20 patents. I can't tell you all of the wonderful things he did for me prior to our marriage, nor do I have enough time or space to explain the nightmare of a relationship that began within 6 weeks of our wedding. I wound up being hurt in ways I never imagined. It was the most emotionally cyclic relationship of my life. He was wonderful sometimes and the ugliest person I have ever met at others.

Eventually I had enough and I left under the threat of losing my life. 2 1/2 years and $9,000.00 in legal fees later (and adding) it still not over. When I look back, there were signs and and I IGNORED THE WARNING SIGNS.

I would hate to see anyone go through heart ache, but I can tell you from experience, better now than later.

Sometimes your mind is wiser than your heart. I suggest you start a pros and cons list. Its not to share. Its for you to use to evaluate this situation honestly. Everytime you think of something to include on the list, write it down. If you are not honest with yourself, the list is useless. If when you are finished with the list, the cons outway the pros or vice versa, you have your answer.

Good luck.