Spouse with Erectile Dysfunction

[moments2rememba]

i would stay there are other ways for him to please me....

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

a lot of it is a byproduct of an unhealthy life style. .

Exactly. This is especially true If a man has/or currently is overindulges in allot Alcohol or ellict illegal drugs(Cocaine for example). This is why one has to treat their body right because it will effect it in bad non pleasurable ways that Viagra can't always help.

[Istlota]

I noticed that, with maybe one exception, guys didn't participate in this thread. I am a 50 something guy so I figured I would toss in my two cents worth.

DRUG SIDE EFFECTS
Many men, more so black men, end up on high blood pressure prescriptions by the time they hit their 40s or so. Erectile dysfunction is a common side effect of such drugs, but your doctor will NEVER tell you unless you specifically ask. It is not my place to advise anyone to stop taking such meds. Once you have taken them for a few years it becomes EXTREMELY dangerous to try and wean yourself off without the assistance of a medical professional. Even worse, over time, your body adjusts to whatever meds they give you. So, the doctor puts you on something even less benign, or, worse, puts you on multiple drugs. It is unfortunate that more men do not adopt natural means of keeping their blood pressure below 120/80. Maybe, if we realized the sexual disfunction side effects of hypertension drugs, more of us would work harder at eating healthy, exercising regularly, and developing effective habits for managing stress.

VIAGRA
Viagra and other such ED drugs can KILL you, especially if you have any family history of hypertension and/or heart disease. Are you sure the risk is worth it? Me personally, I would never take such drugs, not now, not ever.

FOREPLAY
Guys need foreplay, too. Back in our teens, foreplay was just something we did to convince the girls to give us what we wanted. But, in that wonderful way that Nature has of balancing out all things, once a man gets into middle age, foreplay becomes just as important for a man as his woman, maybe even more so. Unfortunately, many of us are so hung up on the macho concept of equating manhood to copulation that we never learn how to properly articulate what we need. Some of us don't know ourselves what we need.

Okay, here is something that will work, if you and your mate can get past any hangups you may have about masturbation. If a man can masturbate, he can copulate. All you have to do is figure out what your man is doing when he masturbates and then incorporate that into your lovemaking.

It is okay to take a break and start over
If your man loses the lead in his pencil, that does not mean sex is over for the night. As a matter of fact, if he gets frustrated and stops, and you let him, I can guarantee that will set you up for a repeat performance, with the same results, when y'all do get around to trying it again. Rather than admitting defeat, the two of you have to be mature enough to recognize that, now that neither one of you are in your teens anymore, it is okay for the old engine to stall out every now and then and have to be cranked back up.

Forget about it
Your man, somehow, has to stop thinking about getting, or staying, erect. Once he starts focusing on that, instead of your fine behind, you got a problem. Fortunately, women really are smarter than us men. Women must use their powers for good ... figure out SOME way to take his mind off of his johnson. Be creative.

[Muze]

i could never do this to my spouse. if you take vows then you are supposed to mean them. your relationship should not just be based on sex. i probably would explore our options as far as treatment goes and natural remedies...but i would never leave him. i know that for a man this is a significant problem and already would make them unsure of their manhood....so for his spouse to leave him over it would be devastating. that's just cruel.

[DBlack]

Love builds and doesn't destroy. If your relationship is build on sex, then there's your answer.

Keep in mind, we all get ugly and eventually lose our sex drive. What will you have when these 'abilities' are gone?

Muze, your post is a heart warmer; I'm glad to see we have sistahs out there that understand an covets the true value of love and commitment.

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by DBlack

Love builds and doesn't destroy.

You speak the truth, Brother DBlack.

[LadyDivine]

Originally Posted by Istlota

I noticed that, with maybe one exception, guys didn't participate in this thread. I am a 50 something guy so I figured I would toss in my two cents worth.

DRUG SIDE EFFECTS
Many men, more so black men, end up on high blood pressure prescriptions by the time they hit their 40s or so. Erectile dysfunction is a common side effect of such drugs, but your doctor will NEVER tell you unless you specifically ask. It is not my place to advise anyone to stop taking such meds. Once you have taken them for a few years it becomes EXTREMELY dangerous to try and wean yourself off without the assistance of a medical professional. Even worse, over time, your body adjusts to whatever meds they give you. So, the doctor puts you on something even less benign, or, worse, puts you on multiple drugs. It is unfortunate that more men do not adopt natural means of keeping their blood pressure below 120/80. Maybe, if we realized the sexual disfunction side effects of hypertension drugs, more of us would work harder at eating healthy, exercising regularly, and developing effective habits for managing stress.

VIAGRA
Viagra and other such ED drugs can KILL you, especially if you have any family history of hypertension and/or heart disease. Are you sure the risk is worth it? Me personally, I would never take such drugs, not now, not ever.

FOREPLAY
Guys need foreplay, too. Back in our teens, foreplay was just something we did to convince the girls to give us what we wanted. But, in that wonderful way that Nature has of balancing out all things, once a man gets into middle age, foreplay becomes just as important for a man as his woman, maybe even more so. Unfortunately, many of us are so hung up on the macho concept of equating manhood to copulation that we never learn how to properly articulate what we need. Some of us don't know ourselves what we need.

Okay, here is something that will work, if you and your mate can get past any hangups you may have about masturbation. If a man can masturbate, he can copulate. All you have to do is figure out what your man is doing when he masturbates and then incorporate that into your lovemaking.

It is okay to take a break and start over
If your man loses the lead in his pencil, that does not mean sex is over for the night. As a matter of fact, if he gets frustrated and stops, and you let him, I can guarantee that will set you up for a repeat performance, with the same results, when y'all do get around to trying it again. Rather than admitting defeat, the two of you have to be mature enough to recognize that, now that neither one of you are in your teens anymore, it is okay for the old engine to stall out every now and then and have to be cranked back up.

Forget about it
Your man, somehow, has to stop thinking about getting, or staying, erect. Once he starts focusing on that, instead of your fine behind, you got a problem. Fortunately, women really are smarter than us men. Women must use their powers for good ... figure out SOME way to take his mind off of his johnson. Be creative.

Istlota,
As a mature woman I am loving your your wise and thoughtful advice.
THANKS!

Getting older is truly a blessing when you consider the alternative
.....so embracing, loving and aging at each stage is necessary to stay contented.

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by DBlack

Love builds and doesn't destroy. If your relationship is build on sex, then there's your answer. Keep in mind, we all get ugly and eventually lose our sex drive. What will you have when these 'abilities' are gone?

Intimacy is more than physical but, it's in the mind. This is why I've said from the start that there has to be a meeting of the minds or common bond from the beginning of releationship or both parties are lost causes.

[Sumyr]

Istlota, great advice!

[charliekilothree]

Originally Posted by LadyDivine

Thanks for all the candid answers. I have a girlfriend who is cheating on her husband because of this problem and he cannot take the ED drugs.

My husband was 14 years older than I was and we had a slight problem but he was able to take the ED drugs and we had a normal sex life. I went into the marriage knowing that he was much older and I was ready to deal with that situation.

Loss libido for women and ED for men are a part of life which will alter the intimacy as you get older it has to be discussed.

He robbed the cradle huh?