Spouse with Erectile Dysfunction

[jamesfrmphilly]

Originally Posted by Sumyr

Whoa, LadyD, this a tough one as there is no clear cut answer. Unless you have experienced this in your marriage yourself, it isn’t easy to say what you would/wouldn’t do. The good Christian side of all of us would say they would love him the same or stay and not cheat. But the harsh reality is a lot of marriages suffer from this, mine being one of them, and most don’t make it through.

Since we are all adults, I’ll be as candid as possible in hopes my honesty will shed light into both sides of the problem. Without giving you my life story, my ex-husband’s problem was that he could achieve an erection, but couldn’t maintain one from start to finish. At first we thought it was stress, work, and other factions in life. So, we made lifestyle adjustments only to have the problem eventually get worse – with time. Of course there were times he would be like the rock of Gibraltar. Other times he was like cotton no matter what was done.

Bottom line it did wreck havoc on our marriage, but I surely didn’t leave him because of it. I being one that absolutely loves sex - imagine my dismay once we found out our sex life would be forever altered. But I never once made him feel as though he was inadequate because of it and reassured him that he was still a man regardless – even though I was suffering on the inside. But it is what good wives do. Even this very day he still doesn’t know I was suffering sexually although we have been divorced for a few years. We had a terrible divorce, but I just didn’t feel the need to have to belittle him in this way so I kept this little tad bit of information to myself.

A woman with a lesser libido may be a little more enduring though. Some women don’t care for sex and there are some that don’t even want sex. These types of women are much more tolerable.

I said all of that to say it takes a very, very strong woman to stay and even if you decided to leave no one would truly understand unless they have gone through it themselves.

i have suffered with ED for a while, since my heart attacks and it was the worse thing to ever hit me.
i seriously considered suicide. i felt miserable. i told my partner to go get satisfied with another man as i could not make her happy. i would not let my illness stop her from being happy.

it is a very sad situation.

the worse part is that it can be prevented by proper diet when young.
i was a serious meat eater and i suffered heart attacks and health problem because of that.
if i would have known what i would go through i would have never touched a piece if meat.
i try to tell young cats to watch that meat but they are all hard headed as i was when i was young.

i went to a seminar on penile implants and you could not have found a sadder bunch of old guys in the world.
we suffer so much from preventable, life style diseases.

i am now starting on testosterone supplements and i am feeling some what better.
it is a steroid but i am using it under a doctors care.
i have to watch for side effects.

ED is no joke.

[robbboy2003]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

i have suffered with ED for a while, since my heart attacks and it was the worse thing to ever hit me.
i seriously considered suicide. i felt miserable. i told my partner to go get satisfied with another man as i could not make her happy. i would not let my illness stop her from being happy.

it is a very sad situation.

the worse part is that it can be prevented by proper diet when young.
i was a serious meat eater and i suffered heart attacks and health problem because of that.
if i would have known what i would go through i would have never touched a piece if meat.
i try to tell young cats to watch that meat but they are all hard headed as i was when i was young.

i went to a seminar on penile implants and you could not have found a sadder bunch of old guys in the world.
we suffer so much from preventable, life style diseases.

i am now starting on testosterone supplements and i am feeling some what better.
it is a steroid but i am using it under a doctors care.
i have to watch for side effects.

ED is no joke.

I got nothing but respect for that brotha James!

[LadyDivine]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

i have suffered with ED for a while, since my heart attacks and it was the worse thing to ever hit me.
i seriously considered suicide. i felt miserable. i told my partner to go get satisfied with another man as i could not make her happy. i would not let my illness stop her from being happy.

it is a very sad situation.

the worse part is that it can be prevented by proper diet when young.
i was a serious meat eater and i suffered heart attacks and health problem because of that.
if i would have known what i would go through i would have never touched a piece if meat.
i try to tell young cats to watch that meat but they are all hard headed as i was when i was young.

i went to a seminar on penile implants and you could not have found a sadder bunch of old guys in the world.
we suffer so much from preventable, life style diseases.

i am now starting on testosterone supplements and i am feeling some what better.
it is a steroid but i am using it under a doctors care.
i have to watch for side effects.

ED is no joke.

Much love to you Brotherjames. Thanks so much for your candid sharing of a personal problem. Like I said earlier it is a fact of life and just like anything it has to be discussed. At my age, I would never disqualify a brother because of ED. Like grandma says keep living.

[poeticasylum1]

ED is something awful. Yet its good to know that it can be managed.
Only immature adults will do something stuck on stupid like leaving their spouse over it. The truth is many people are not sexually mature in a mental aspect. Its something that many times you will not think about until it hits home. Im glad we are all being grown up about something that affects people all over. Im sure it can ruin relationships but hell, folks bust up over selfish petty crap.

[LadyDivine]

Originally Posted by poeticasylum1

ED is something awful. Yet its good to know that it can be managed.
Only immature adults will do something stuck on stupid like leaving their spouse over it. The truth is many people are not sexually mature in a mental aspect. Its something that many times you will not think about until it hits home. Im glad we are all being grown up about something that affects people all over. Im sure it can ruin relationships but hell, folks bust up over selfish petty crap.

poetic aint that the truth....when you consider sum of the dumb stuff people up and leave ova. I jes want a good loving man and I don't mean "makin' love" either.

I just want to be loved "real good"
YA KNOW!

[LadESilk]

I've had my own personal experience with ED, but a very mild case. Like James, my husband (only 36 years old at the time) suffered problems after a heart attack. I love him still, and we're still together. Although it burned him up inside (I could tell, even when he didn't say so, I could tell), he didn't speak on it for a long time. Eventually, during another senseless argument, he said it out loud. It stopped me cold, and made me realize how much he was hurting. I never left him nor did I cheat on him. Fortunately, things are getting better now, but one never knows what tomorrow will bring. Either way, I know it'll find us together.

[jamesfrmphilly]

Originally Posted by LadESilk

I've had my own personal experience with ED, but a very mild case. Like James, my husband (only 36 years old at the time) suffered problems after a heart attack. I love him still, and we're still together. Although it burned him up inside (I could tell, even when he didn't say so, I could tell), he didn't speak on it for a long time. Eventually, during another senseless argument, he said it out loud. It stopped me cold, and made me realize how much he was hurting. I never left him nor did I cheat on him. Fortunately, things are getting better now, but one never knows what tomorrow will bring. Either way, I know it'll find us together.

i can tell you that it hurts really badly.
you tell him from me not to keep that stuff bottled up inside.
tell him there is other cats that have been through it.
it hurt me so badly that i wanted to die.
that is why i tell you to open up communications with him.
in my case the pain drove me to start studying the more spiritual aspects of life.
i had to restructure my priorities.

talk to him.

[Baba Ahmed]

Originally Posted by LadyDivine

Thanks for all the candid answers. I have a girlfriend who is cheating on her husband because of this problem and he cannot take the ED drugs.

My husband was 14 years older than I was and we had a slight problem but he was able to take the ED drugs and we had a normal sex life. I went into the marriage knowing that he was much older and I was ready to deal with that situation.
Loss libido for women and ED for men are a part of life which will alter the intimacy as you get older it has to be discussed.

Greetings from an old man, nearer 70 than 60 years old.

What would u advise?

Was the "heart" problem diagnosed as the factor to cause dysfunction? If so what type doctor was used? And when u say "drug(s)" were used, do u know if it/they were only pharmaceutical synthetic(s) or not?

If a person has not or is not experiencing this essential aspect in married life, I doubt he or she can speak to this type situation. For in one religion, Im a lil familiar with it is a lawful reason as a ground for a divorce.

I've not experienced it as my problem; so dare not to speak authoritatively on this... except via personal opinion. SO - years ago, a yung married couple, both yunger than 25, told our spiritual, mental & lifestyle leader that their medical doctor declared her unable to concieve. It was determined this to be untrue by someone else, who btw was not a medical doctor. The husband's sperm count, etc was vibrant. A few months later the sista conceived to bring forth a strong, healthy Afrikan baby. I'll not say what was advised exactly.

Another anecdote. A medical doctor told my mama I had a few weeks to live, after arriving here with, as he judged it, double pneumonia and premature per his view. Im told GRANDMA and one of her fervently praying friends objected and called the doctor a liar. So they used their knowledge of herbal treatments plus prayers... here I be almost 70 years later, in a thankful mode...still living like a husband should.

Excuse my apparently harsh language; our people, generally, have given (I do mean given) medical doctors the reverence and trusts due to their Creator, knowledges from their ancestors and Orisha to rely on alien Gods and cultures. We live in a "clock driven got 2 get their on time" society. And explains partially why even bruthas as young as in their late twenties are reporting prostate problems and other sexual related dis-eases. So its suggested that anyone who "fears" a sexual dysfunction needs to examine his or her lifestylee and learn about what's called alternative methods to deal with this unnatural problem now accepted by some as strictly physical and are treated with phamaceutical drugs... that often increase or produce new problems...termed "side effects."


Peace

[jamesfrmphilly]

a lot of it is a byproduct of an unhealthy life style. particularly a meat diet.
if a way could be found to get the young people off the junk food.
i had a junk food diet until i started getting sick and i was able to trace my problems back to bad food.
and i was an athlete. if it wasn't for that i would have been even sicker.

[caramelsunshine]

If you married this person only based on great sex and never took into account that somewhere down the line that anything could happen with their health that could cause this, then you probably would cheat. So if that's the case, you need to reevalute your relationship as a whole. You married for better or worse, sickness and in health. The last thing a person needs to be worried about is if their spouse will step out on them when they have health challenges.