Do You Allow Your S/O To Breathe? - AfroChat - African American

Harmony · January 6th, 2005, 07:17 AM

I deal with countless numbers of people, on any given day and as I get to know them I become privy to their innermost thoughts and feelngs.

A complaint/concern that I hear much of, is that their s/o is too smothering. They have to know where they were, who they were with, what they did, or they will not allow them to have friends of the opposite sex, or make outlandish requests of their time, and a host of other things that drive them crazy.

Some of it appears to be control or jealousy issues and that's to be expected, but when is it too much and becomes stifling to the continued growth of the relationship?

Are you a smothering/jealous type?

jamesfrmphilly · January 6th, 2005, 11:49 AM

if you let them start breathing, who knows what else they might start doing?

000HONEY · January 6th, 2005, 12:17 PM

Sounds like trust issues
In my marriage there are two ADULTS...When we are not together, we both know what is not excepted by each other. I am not his mother or his PO, I am his wife. I trust that when my husband leaves the house that he is not disrespecting our marriage... (while I am aware that anything is possible). I also feel that everyone needs some time away from their S/O, even if its just a couple of hours.
But if couples don't trust each other, it will lead to problems, & they need to work on that issue or NOT be together.

I believe TRUST is one of the main ingredients in a healthy relationship

January 6th, 2005, 02:11 PM

If I dont let them breath they wont let me, and I like lots of space to do what I want when I want. I dont think about cheating too much cause if someone is going to cheat they are going to whether they get the space or not. You gots to leave me alone every once in a while.

slickbitty · January 6th, 2005, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 000HONEY

Sounds like trust issues
In my marriage there are two ADULTS...When we are not together, we both know what is not excepted by each other. I am not his mother or his PO, I am his wife. I trust that when my husband leaves the house that he is not disrespecting our marriage... (while I am aware that anything is possible). I also feel that everyone needs some time away from their S/O, even if its just a couple of hours.
But if couples don't trust each other, it will lead to problems, & they need to work on that issue or NOT be together.

I believe TRUST is one of the main ingredients in a healthy relationship

:terrific: :terrific: :terrific:

Harmony · January 6th, 2005, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

if you let them start breathing, who knows what else they might start doing?

You are on fire! :) So YOU smother your s/o? :confused:

Harmony · January 6th, 2005, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 000HONEY

I believe TRUST is one of the main ingredients in a healthy relationship

I agree... :)

Harmony · January 6th, 2005, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Man_in_Minnesota

You gots to leave me alone every once in a while.

THIS is what a lot of the people who I have spoken to have felt.

elmb · January 7th, 2005, 01:58 AM

It comes from growth. Growing up yourself. You have to know what you want, what you will tolerate, what you are willing to give. You can love someone from their head down to their toes, if you have trust issues, you have a relationship that will not last.

I am giving OOOHoney a high five. I have "move over honey" in the bed issues, I have, "who drunk the last of the juice" issues, I even have, "now you know that's trifling not to replace the toilet paper" issues.....but trust.....I do not have trust issues. I wouldn't allow it going in and I don't allow it to enter our marriage not even one moment of the day.

You aren't ignorant to what may happen, but you know what, I was downtown on 911. It may happen again as well, but should I not go outside, or ride the trains or talk to anyone of the muslim descent? I can't live like that. You have to trust in order to be trusted. It goes both ways.

AdriansMommy · January 7th, 2005, 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 000HONEY

Sounds like trust issues
In my marriage there are two ADULTS...When we are not together, we both know what is not excepted by each other. I am not his mother or his PO, I am his wife. I trust that when my husband leaves the house that he is not disrespecting our marriage... (while I am aware that anything is possible). I also feel that everyone needs some time away from their S/O, even if its just a couple of hours.
But if couples don't trust each other, it will lead to problems, & they need to work on that issue or NOT be together.

I believe TRUST is one of the main ingredients in a healthy relationship

Right on the money when it comes to being married. When not married, I think you should hold the same amount of respect but recognize the fact that it is not marriage. Even if the relationship is serious, its kinda hard to set strong limits like that being as that the s/o may feel like he/she dont need to answer to anyone...IMO. Remember when you were young and you had a puppy, cat, whatever, and you played with it constantly. Pet it, squeezed it constantly held it. Whats the first thing it did when you let it go? It ran away....