if a bro say somtin in the forest and nobody hear him is he still wrong?

[jamesfrmphilly]

ladies, why do you say you love a man and then set out "improving" him? why U wanna change him?
how can U love somebody if every position he take and every word out his mouth is wrong?

"if a brother say somtin in the forest and there be nobody to hear him is he still wrong?"

[MzKwietStorm]

I don't try to change a man at all because that would be like changing what I fell in love with or what I liked about him. Relationships are all about compromise, each person should change just a little for the relationship itself, but no one should be trying to change the other person.

[Sumyr]

Geeeez, James, you are on it today! But seriously interesting questions you pose. I don't think we really try to change the individual, but some things about the individual that would make them a better person.

Say for instance I am dating a man that is overall a great person, provider, good sexually, etc. but his wardrobe choices are not to be desired. Should I just leave the brotha alone just because he dresses like Roger from Moma's Family? Now be fair, James, because you are among many brothas on here that quips when a sistah doesn't work with a brotha. So instead of leaving him entirely, what is so wrong with making suggestions that he update his wardrobe.

Same thing applies to a woman if she was a great overall person, beautiful inside and out, met all of your needs, but she was a horrible cook, would you leave her just for that??? Or if you are a good cook yourself wouldn't you try to teach her and help polish up her skills??? :stirthepo

To answer "if a brother say somtin in the forest and there be nobody to hear him is he still wrong?" that would depend on his conscience. Remember the passage if his conscience doesn't condemn him, then neither should we. :)

[Samoon]

I am of the belief that one cannot "change" a man. Firstly, one should come to another as a "whole" person. Secondly, I think the more appropriate wording here is "enhance" (this is where agreeable compromise comes in) and lastly, if BOTH have applied the law of "spiritual yielding," then you're both on your way!

@ Brotha James: If a woman has that discretion and modesty, without which all knowledge is little worth, she will never make an ostentatious parade of it, oh no, because she will be rather intent on acquiring more, than on displaying what she has.

If a male believes in his psyche that he IS the truth...let him walk in his own assertion...until wisdom caresses his ear...whispering softly.
Alright now James, you behave!

[DBlack]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

ladies, why do you say you love a man and then set out "improving" him? why U wanna change him?
how can U love somebody if every position he take and every word out his mouth is wrong?

"if a brother say somtin in the forest and there be nobody to hear him is he still wrong?"

You're just asking to be flamed! Why start a conversation that begins with a wholesale indictment against our sistahs? Surely, with your wisdom, you know better....

[The Dragon]

I am of the belief that one cannot "change" a man. Firstly, one should come to another as a "whole" person. Secondly, I think the more appropriate wording here is "enhance" (this is where agreeable compromise comes in) and lastly, if BOTH have applied the law of "spiritual yielding," then you're both on your way!


AGREE. When you meet someone you trully desire they make you want to enhance your positive qualites and be willing to compromise most of the rest.

[Serenity4Ever]

It's a waste of time trying to change people. I'm having a hard enough time trying to change things about myself that i need to work on. So Why would I wanna add to that stress by trying to be a drill sergeant for somebody else?? un uh... that ain't how i get down.

[sonflour_2001]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

ladies, why do you say you love a man and then set out "improving" him? why U wanna change him?
how can U love somebody if every position he take and every word out his mouth is wrong?

"if a brother say somtin in the forest and there be nobody to hear him is he still wrong?"

Hey James,
Change. A lot of people need it. A lot of people hate it. A lot of people never do it. Some people do it too much.

This was something my friends and I talked about a lot. I think when you love somebody, you want what's best for them. Sometimes, you can see that something would be good for a person to do, even when they can't see it themselves. So you want to push them to do it. However, what people also need to realize is that the best thing for a person is to change for himself/herself, in his/her own time.
Let's take an example: A father and his daughter. His daughter is overweight. The father is rightfully concerned with her health b/c he loves her. Well, no matter what the father says or does, she has to acknowledge for herself that she is living an unhealthy lifestyle and she has to change on her own. If she simply changes b/c her father says so, she has no real understanding of her actions or why she did what she did, and she may end up living an unhealthy lifestyle once again.

As for women changing men, I think sometimes we push out of frustration. A lot of men don't really listen to women or our ideas. Sometimes we can see something coming, and know how our men could avoid it. So we push and forget one very important thing: he has to see it for himself. After all, we love men, not robots who should do every little thing we say.

On another note...a lot of men often forget the same things about women as well and will expect them to change. I.e. (Strong woman with attitude...!viola!...Suzie homemaker.)

....On the forest philosophy...why does he have to be wrong in the first place? He knows what he knows. Maybe he's neither wrong or right...maybe...he just is...


Dee

[serenity]

Love rarely involves logic. That's the reason.

That said just because I love a guys sparkling personality, mannerisms, affectionate manner, passion, intelligence, etc. doesn't mean I'm in love with those horrible blue sweats he wears out the house or the way he chews with his mouth open & little pieces of food falling out. He saves food in his beard for goodness sake! (wait I'm being too specific...)

I'm just saying, as long as the woman isn't trying to change something that is integral to the man's personality I think he should just trust her judgement and stop leaving his wet towel on the hardwood floor.