Successful Black Men and the Shortage of Good Black Women

Well, here ya have it. Are there many black women for successful black men? Bro Wills thinks there is a story that is not being told. It's all one sided and skewed against black men who may look in other places for serious mates. Is this an honest complex dilemma that is not being told?

Successful Black Men and the Shortage of Good Black Women
By Rom Wills

Meet Mario Johnson. He is a Black man in his mid-thirties. He is different from many other Black men and any man regardless of race. He dresses like an executive. He has on a well-tailored suit, an expensive watch, a leather
brief case, and black shoes so polished you could see your reflection. All this is just the surface. What people do not know is that Mario is the General Counsel of a major corporation. He is well educated, with a BA, JD,and a MBA. He is tall, in great shape, and handsome. He volunteers with troubled youth and plans to become politically active. By anyone's standards this brother has his act together.

Meet Sam Watson. He is a Black Man in his mid-twenties. At first glance he may seem like any other young male. He wears stylish baggy clothes. He has dreadlocks and an earring. He only has a high school education. On the surface it looks like Sam does not have anything going for him. That is just the surface. People don't realize that Sam owns three stores specializing in clothes for a young urban crowd. As early as high school Sam was always selling something. After graduation he decided to start a business
selling T-shirts he'd designed. This business eventually grew to the point that he was able to move from a street corner stand to a small store.

He expanded his business to include clothes from other designers. One store became two stores. Two became three. With all the energy he put into his business he simply did not have time for college. Despite this he has a large collection of books on a variety of subjects making him a well-read and well-informed individual.

Meet James Abraham. James graduated college and has a job working as an analyst in a government agency. To his co-workers he is content and average. James' co-workers do not realize he is a different person away from work. James has an entertainment company that produces parties, fashion shows and other functions. In another year James will have saved enough money to quit his government job and pursue his business full-time.

These three brothas are fictional, however, they represent several types of successful men. These men have several things in common. They are all men who worked to get where they are going in life. They have all attained a measure of success. Each one, however, lacks one thing: a special lady with whom to share his life. Someone may look at the examples above and say that men like these should not have any problems finding someone special. Black women greatly outnumber Black men. These men should have literally dozens of women at their beck and call.The reality is that this is not the case.

The reality is that for the successful Black man there is a shortage of good women.The term "good" is relative. What one person considers good another person may consider bad. In this case I use the word "good" to mean women who are good for successful Black men. A successful Black man in most cases will not grab any woman he sees. There are several issues to consider when he chooses a mate. The biggest issue is compatibility.

People talk about how many women there are for each man, but it's never taken into consideration that a man is only going to be compatible with a few women. For example, Phil has college and graduate degrees. He makes six
figures, lives in an upscale neighborhood, and drives a late model car. As a result of the supposed shortage of "good" men Phil has several women he can choose from. Let us say for the sake of argument he has met ten single women in one month. All the women are interested in Phil. Two of them, however, are on welfare and view Phil as a way out of their situation. Phil does not bother with them because he realizes they have nothing to offer him. Three have children and although Phil loves children he does not want to deal with issues that come with "babies daddies." Three will be physically unattractive to him. That leaves two women. These two women are professionals with nearly the same credentials as Phil so he still has a choice.

There are still compatibility problems when a successful Black man has to deal with successful or professional Black women. The problem many times stem from background. Several successful Black men come from poor or working class backgrounds. A successful Black man from this background will tend to have a combination a formal education and street smarts. Professional women regardless of their background tend to come from isolated environments.(Not all of course, but a significant number.) A worldly brother and isolated sister do not make for a winning combination. In many cases, this couple
may not have much in common beyond economic status and the bedroom. A successful man is going to look for somebody he can talk to and share his life with. Getting back to the example above, Phil does not hook up with
either woman. One woman is not worldly enough for him and the other is caught up in a bourgeois existence, which brings me to my next point.

When people talk about relationships in the Black community and particularly about the choices a Black man has to make, few seem to take into consideration class differences. We constantly hear about how professional sisters do not want to date men who are not professionals. We do not hear as much about men who are professionals. As I mentioned above, men want to date someone on their level as well. A successful brother is going to want a certain level of class, education, and sophistication in a mate. He is typically not going to want someone whose biggest concern is her hair and nails. He is not going to want someone who is content to live day to day or who has two, three, four or five children by just as many fathers. With money and success a man will behave in such a way that he is not going to be compatible with everybody he meets.

Another issue the successful brother must consider: is a woman with him for his personality or for his money? A successful brother recalls the time when he was broke and had to walk because he had no car. The average sister wanted no part of him. Times when he could not afford to even take a date to a fast food place. He remembers all the rejection. He also remembers when women did not want to be bothered with him. Once this brother has reached a level of measurable success he will look at women differently. He will not want the women who once rejected him. How can he trust them? The experience of being rejected by women when he was broke will affect how a brother chooses a woman once he has money.

Like everyone else in society, a successful Black man is looking for a woman with whom to share his life. Despite what people believe he does not have a lot to choose from. Many black women refuse to take care of themselves which is clearly evident as you see so many who are grossly overweight, fixated with fake hair, uncomplimentary clothing styles and have surrendered to ghetto lifestyles and behavior. Today’s successful black males are looking for women to help them grow so they can be the best they can be. He needs a woman who will be a helpmate, not a hindrance. He does not need a gold digger or a whining ghetto queen. He does not need an unambitious woman. He does not need someone who will play games with him. He needs a strong positive woman. Unfortunately, there is a number of black women who cannot be this to him.

[MilitantWombMan]

Not this again.Shortage here shortage there ..shortage everywhere...

[jamesfrmphilly]

having recently had 15k delta members in my city i would not think there is a shortage.
if anything, there may be a failure of networking among the target demo. if you want something you got to go out and track it down. back when i was on the prowl, i used to swing from NYC down to DC. anytime there was a gathering i would be there. i didn't go to bars and clubs, i went to meetings and conventions of people with shared interests.
i did OK.

the "shortage" game is just something played by people who want to date IR and feel they need an excuse. i truly wish that those who want some white meat would just go out and get some and leave the rest of us out of it.

[RaInEdomThoughtz]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

the "shortage" game is just something played by people who want to date IR and feel they need an excuse. i truly wish that those who want some white meat would just go out and get some and leave the rest of us out of it.

Thank you. There are plenty of good black women out here. Just like there are plenty of good black men out here. People who claim a shortage of anything need to really evaluate what they're looking for and where they're looking for it.

[MzKwietStorm]

Originally Posted by RaInEdomThoughtz

Thank you. There are plenty of good black women out here. Just like there are plenty of good black men out here. People who claim a shortage of anything need to really evaluate what they're looking for and where they're looking for it.

You took the words right out of my mouth LOL. Definitely true

[UglymanCometh]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

the "shortage" game is just something played by people who want to date IR and feel they need an excuse. i truly wish that those who want some white meat would just go out and get some and leave the rest of us out of it.

Again, James... I agree with everything you say until it comes to this subject....

As a guy who until recently was on the black woman's reject list (how the hell did I get off of it? Eccentric cynical ugly assholic brothers must be in style right now...), it has little to nothing to do with wanting some IR. Like the Marines say, "we go where the action is."

Let's put it like this: if two highly acclaimed universities were on your list of schools to attend, and Uni "A", your first choice, kept denying you admission... while Uni "B", still a damn good choice, snapped you up on the spot, where would you go?

-Sabraton

[DBlack]

Are those really your words or did you take them from the mouth of some Brian Gumbell, uncle tom types?

That is such a load of bull, that I don't even know where to begin. The easiest falsehood you make is that good black women are in short supply. Black women not only grossly outnumber us in number, but even moreso at the professional or 'successful' levels.

Sounds to me that someone's trying to pass off their relationship failures on the black woman by trying to manuafacture some inaccurate picture of the state of black women. Shame on the misleaders.

If there is a shortage where you live, you should move. Here in Georgia, women outnumber us hugely. I'm curious to know where you live. This may be true in your locale, but certainly not in south.

You put a lot of points in your posts, and I simply don't have time to put bullet holes in all of them, so let me just stick to a few.

You say that "A successful brother is going to want a certain level of class, education, and sophistication in a mate. He is typically not going to want someone whose biggest concern is her hair and nails. He is not going to want someone who is content to live day to day or who has two, three, four or five children by just as many fathers. With money and success a man will behave in such a way that he is not going to be compatible with everybody he meets."
---You should have read this before you posted it.

That fact that someone has a little material success (make no mistake, that is what you are referring to when you speak of jobs, money, career, status, etc...), and thinks they are entitled to better packaged mates, set's them up for failure. Whatever happened to looking at the personality and heart of an individual? Your trule feelings about our black sistahs are easily transparent; you have an obvious disdain for them.

How can you sit in your own skin and even try to imply that a woman with 4-5 children is not a good woman? You are right, she's not a good woman, she's a superwoman. My mother-in-Law is one of them. She raised 7 kids under one roof, creating conservative women that are ALL married with kids of their own. And you have the nerve to try to spit on our black sisters that have raised large and wonderful families with very little 'material success'. And even worse, the last paragraph of your rant is schizophrenic at best. You need to work on surrounding yourself with better people, because I know very little of the woman you describe here.

And here's what's really sad and funny all at once; You whine (something you state you hate women doing) about being rejected when you were at a time in your life when you had nothing. But now, since you have something, you selectively forget (in the same discussion/post) this doublestandard while you attack our sistahs for being substandard. No woman want's a man that has no motivation and ability to bring home the bacon. THat's why you were rejected. I've been there, as well as other men have too. Be a man, grow from it and move on to bigger and better things. But don't sit here and attack others for expecting the same things you do. THat's the ultimate of hypocrisy and will only guarantee your continued failures in relationships with our black queens.

Men crying about rejection is not masculine at all. And even your closet female friends will tell you that.

What you, like many new-aged pseudo blacks-turned republicans have forsaken is your roots and how much of an important role it plays in providing opportunities for you today. You sit here and make blatantly obvious mischaracterizations of the most beautiful women on this planet, because of your own personal failures outside of 'monetary prosperity'.

As long as you feel that way about our sistahs, how can you even expect a 'chickenhead' to want to make a life long commitment with you?!?!!?

And tell me Mr. HighLife, what happens when you lose that great business or job and you are reduce to financial poverty? Based on your expressed standards, would the women of you life be obligated to leave your broke arse?!?!?! Money aint' everything.

Redirect your hate, it's sad...

[jamesfrmphilly]

Originally Posted by UglymanCometh

Let's put it like this: if two highly acclaimed universities were on your list of schools to attend, and Uni "A", your first choice, kept denying you admission... while Uni "B", still a damn good choice, snapped you up on the spot, where would you go?

if uni "B" meant that i was not going to be able be myself i would find out why uni "A" was rejecting me and correct that. in today's world non black females do not represent "a damn good choice". we are in a struggle for our souls and we need all hands on deck. if you consider white woman to be a good alternative to black women then you are at a place that i cannot get to. i have made the personal decision to go without rather than go white. i know it is easy for me since i'm old and i have had my fun but i think i would have made the same decision when young if the environment were the same.

i know black women can be difficult but i do not believe they are impossible. after all, mookie from the projects has three or four. are you telling me that his game is tighter than yours? as an olde person i do not play the game any more because there are no sisters around who meet my standards, not because i can't get any. i do not even look at white women at all so maybe the mixed message that some of you cats are sending adds to the problem.
i don't see the sisters responding well to "gimme some or i'm going to get a white woman".

lets face it, the cats on here moaning also have complexes and strange personalities.
you guys refuse to meet the sisters halfway.

[Gorilla]

No shortage of hilarious ways people recycle this old topic.

[RaInEdomThoughtz]

Originally Posted by jamesfrmphilly

lets face it, the cats on here moaning also have complexes and strange personalities.
you guys refuse to meet the sisters halfway.

*sometimes I wonder if James knows how to play nice*