e noticed a lot of people frown upon or have a problem with feminism. While, I agree with some of it’s assertions, I have many problems with some of the beliefs it espouses as well. Whatever the case, it was always a subject of interest for me in undergrad...so much so that I seriously thought about minoring in women's studies. In any case, when asked whether I believed myself to be a feminist, I always replied no...I'm merely practical. You’ll soon see my point.
Just for the sake of discussion, I wanted to share some of my views from personal experience on feminism and how the extremes of this belief or those in opposition to it can negatively affect how men and women relate to each other.
I'll take 3 examples that are often heralded as the hallmark of feminism: 1.) a female's place in the home, 2.) the working woman, 3.) supporting the man.
1.) A female's place in the home- Perhaps this is one of the most common arguments that is discussed in reference to feminism. With the introduction of feminism into mainstream consciousness, more and more females have began to define themselves outside of the traditional sphere of the home...much to the indignation of many men. So it's not uncommon for me to sometimes hear men complaining about the lack of traditional skills and knowledge that many women have today. (i.e. "She don't even know how to fix a decent meal!"
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In reference to this argument, I think a balanced approach would work well. I grew up in a very strange family. There were rarely any arguments about various sex roles. If it needed to be done, someone did it…period. I’ll give a personal example. One of my earliest memories as a young girl was getting an attitude with my dad when he told me to go and watch my mother prepare dinner. I promptly and defiantly challenged him, “ why do I need to know how to cook…is it because I’m a girl?” He looked at me and pushed me in the kitchen. “No, it’s because you are human. Everybody has to eat, and so nobody should have to wait on someone else to cook their food for them like a punk.” Needless to say, I ended up learning how to make sweet potatoes that night. (The really good kind too, with cinnamon, and vanilla and brown sugar baked right into them…I love cooking.) The point I love my father for making was that as a human I need to be able to stand on my own two feet. The example he provided me with in life told me that he would never expect me to do something he could not do himself. He told me that any real man or woman knows how to prepare a meal at the very least. Hence, of course my father could throw down in the kitchen. His mother and father taught him how to cook when he was little. When my mother was tired from work my father cooked. When my dad came home tired from work, my mother cooked. They took turns waking up in the morning to fix my sister and I breakfast. When they were both tired, I cooked. So, domestic responsibilities that have always been traditionally defined as woman’s work such as cooking and cleaning were never a divided issue for me. In my household everyone was taught everything. So I know how to cook and clean…not because I’m a woman, but because I have to eat to survive. Thus, I think it’s reasonable to expect my man to know how to do the same. Not because I’m some leftist, hippy, feminist who wouldn’t be caught dead doing anything traditionally defined as “woman’s work”, but because, I think things such as cooking, cleaning and knowing how to take care of yourself are an essential part of being an adult. Any grown a@! man or woman should be ashamed of themselves if they don’t have these very basic skills for survival at the very least
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I heard a quote that would go nicely here, “Cooking and eating is just like f!$#ing...you’re going to have to do it for the rest of your life so you might as well know how to do it well.”
As for other beliefs about women in the home, feminism frowns upon women who may take it upon themselves to learn these valuable skills or are engaged in any occupations centered around these skills like being a housewife. This is
! If a woman decides that she genuinely enjoys and wants to work solely as a mother, then I think such a job is just as valid as any other occupation. I hate the way feminism disregards motherhood and the job of being a housewife as weak or inferior to other jobs in society.
However, the original problem that feminism is on defense about is the male patriarchal belief that women are weaker and should therefore be given less strenuous jobs like that of being a housewife. This belief is stupid for a number of reasons. The first being that women are weaker and the second being that the job of a housewife is not as stressful as other occupations. Nothing could be further from the truth. Raising children and managing a household is a 24 hour job, so both hard-core feminists who think being a housewife is a sellout to independence and men who think that household management is for the weaker sex are stupid and these two extremes continue to hurt the way society thinks about women and hence relationships as well.
In any case, I whole-heartedly agree with the original tenants of women’s rights issues such as expanding opportunities for women, financial stability, and allowing women to define themselves…but when feminism goes to the extreme of making women feel as if they have to alienate themselves from men, totally disregard any skills traditionally defined as being feminine, and strip away any components of femininity to be on par with men…I draw the big black line.
As for the other two topics in reference to feminism, I’ll post those later on this thread.
Sonflour
Feminism: No. Balance:Yes
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