Crazy, Cold Feet Or In Too Deep ?!?!? - AfroChat - African American

Phatkatt_76 · April 11th, 2006, 01:58 PM

HELP ME ! I feel so dumb !!

I just purchased a home with my fiance, we've been dating for five years and about to have our first baby. In the midst of making baby/wedding plans I've found my self second guessing my actions.

I'm wondering if this man that I've loved for years is actually the man for me. I want to be married b/c I don't want to be someone's "BABY MOMMA" , but I don't want to fall into one statistic ( divorce ) just b/c I'm running from another one.

Am I doing this for all the wrong reasons ?

Am I just too dayum pregnant and emotional ?

How will I know for certain that this is the man that I can spend the rest of my life with ??

charliekilothree · April 11th, 2006, 02:02 PM

Nobody knows the answers except you and him. We can't tell you why you are going the route you are. Even if you felt he was the right man for you doesn't mean you will be married forever. You probably should follow your heart and your mind.

JamieC · April 11th, 2006, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charliekilothree

Nobody knows the answers except you and him. We can't tell you why you are going the route you are. Even if you felt he was the right man for you doesn't mean you will be married forever. You probably should follow your heart and your mind.

What CK3 said. That's all I can say.

Phatkatt_76 · April 11th, 2006, 02:31 PM

I've found that in relationships ur heart and ur mind my express two different views. I've never been in this situation and wanted some outside opinions from someone who's possibly had cold feet before or had simular feelings.

anni1 · April 11th, 2006, 02:53 PM

I also agree , Only u have the answers to your questions , Just follow your heart and brain
Ann

saraphen · April 11th, 2006, 03:00 PM

With so many major changes at once, it's normal to have cold feet. Right now I'm packing for our next big vacation, and I am really nervous about all the transportation issues we will face, but there's no way that I will give up this trip.

You have been together for five years!!! That in itself says something about the strength of your relationship. Surround yourself with friends who usually give you support, and family members who believe in you. And if you know a word of prayer, do that too!!!

There are no guarantees in life. Some people get divorced after 25 years or more of marriage, and others work at it through the good and the bad.

Hang in there!!! And share some photos with us.

Phatkatt_76 · April 11th, 2006, 04:10 PM

Thanks Saraphen !!

This just may be yet another obstacle that I have to overcome.

mariaic · April 11th, 2006, 09:08 PM

Follow your heart. But at the same time you may be having preganacy emotions.

Proudbrothaman · April 12th, 2006, 07:00 AM

I can't tell you what's right but a can tell you what's wrong, and that's getting married because your pregnant. I got pressured to marry my son's mother but I didn't do it because I didn't love her like that. There are opposite and equal reactions to our actions.Having pre-martial sex doesn't make you an automatic wife or husband, it makes you a "baby daddy or baby momma".

mandingo · April 12th, 2006, 11:49 AM

I think it's so funny how everyone will tell you to go ahead and get married because you've been together for so long, you're going to have a baby, blah, blah, blah. No disrespect to anyone else's opinion but no one can know. Probably at this point not even you.

Here is what I suggest : You get to know yourself. And by that I mean all of your insecurities and emotional triggers. Then figure out how they fit into your relationship and your choice of a mate. You are with them for a reason. They are giving you some type of emotional pay off. If it is a positive one then kool, if it is just allowing you to avoid some deeper issue then you two are headed for one long and bumpy path. Knowing yourself is the only way to know if you are picking the right partner.

Good luck either way!