Just Once

[Zorro]

Should a married person who had a sexual encounter with someone, but promised themself that they would never do it again tell their spouse?

What if they stayed married for 10, 20, or 30 years, and had never done it again, should they should they tell their spouse what they did 10, 20, or 30 years ago?

[saraphen]

Why dig up something that was over a long time ago? I think it could start more trouble than whatever value you might get from relieving your feeling of guilt.

[Zorro]

Shouldn't they have mentioned it when it first happened? Does the passing of time cover over the guilty spouse's act? Also, can it be said the the guily spouse is truly honoring their mate? If the guilty spouse is truly sorry, shouldn't they tell their mate from the start and deal w/the issue?

Although there might be some hurt feelings at the start, even the possiblity of a parting/divorce, the innocent mate should be afforded the oppotunity to express themselves. And if they forgive their spouse, it might produce a stronger bond. One, the innocent mate now knows that their spouse wouldn't hide anything them, no matter how difficult the circumstance might be. Two, the spouse who erred whould now know how much their mate loves them, and is willing to work on their issues together so that they can rebuild their relationship with blocks of love, trust, honor, etc. Besides, if the act was commited with someone who's familiar with married persons circle of friends, what guarantee is there that they wouldn't tell? Whether the other person tells 1 week, a year, or 50 years later, who would want that anvil dangling over their head? Even if the other person never tells, the guilty spouse is obligated to their mate.

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by Zorro

Shouldn't they have mentioned it when it first happened? Does the passing of time cover over the guilty spouse's act? Also, can it be said the the guily spouse is truly honoring their mate? If the guilty spouse is truly sorry, shouldn't they tell their mate from the start and deal w/the issue?

Although there might be some hurt feelings at the start, even the possiblity of a parting/divorce, the innocent mate should be afforded the oppotunity to express themselves. And if they forgive their spouse, it might produce a stronger bond. One, the innocent mate now knows that their spouse wouldn't hide anything them, no matter how difficult the circumstance might be. Two, the spouse who erred whould now know how much their mate loves them, and is willing to work on their issues together so that they can rebuild their relationship with blocks of love, trust, honor, etc. Besides, if the act was commited with someone who's familiar with married persons circle of friends, what guarantee is there that they wouldn't tell? Whether the other person tells 1 week, a year, or 50 years later, who would want that anvil dangling over their head? Even if the other person never tells, the guilty spouse is obligated to their mate.

Hmmm. All this sounds like some post marital guilt .

Originally Posted by Zorro

Should a married person who had a sexual encounter with someone, but promised themself that they would never do it again tell their spouse?

Well, it depends on the caliber of the encounter and the genders involved.

[MzKwietStorm]

The time to have told would have been after it happened, but as Saraphen said why dig up something that happened years ago. That situation is something like the situations described in Lyfe's song "Hypothetically".

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by Zorro

Shouldn't they have mentioned it when it first happened?

In the current climate of where AIDS and STD's are running rampant in our community, I think you owe it to your partner to be honest and do the right thing. So, they can get tested and get treatment if they need it.

[Zorro]

Originally Posted by MadameX

Hmmm. All this sounds like some post marital guilt .


Well, it depends on the caliber of the encounter and the genders involved.

You are funny.

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by Zorro

You are funny.

Thanks. I'm glad you appreciate that I'm comedic and a realist.

[Serenity4Ever]

Originally Posted by Zorro

Should a married person who had a sexual encounter with someone, but promised themself that they would never do it again tell their spouse??

YES. He or she can promise not to do it again to the cows come home, but there is no gaurantee that they'll keep that promise. Besides, he/she didn't marry nor cheat on him/herself so it's not him/herself that he/she needs to make that promise to.

Originally Posted by Zorro

What if they stayed married for 10, 20, or 30 years, and had never done it again, should they should they tell their spouse what they did 10, 20, or 30 years ago?

No. If the person managed to have an affair and get by unscathed (meaning that there was not any hardcore evidence of this affair like an STD or a child involved), then why upset the spouse and possibly ruin a 10, 20, or 30 year marriage over something that happened a long time ago? Take it to the grave cause it wouldn't be worth it.

[MzPhynixRyzn]

Originally Posted by saraphen

Why dig up something that was over a long time ago? I think it could start more trouble than whatever value you might get from relieving your feeling of guilt.

I totally agree. Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lay...