Just Once

[mandingo]

I think a lot of it has to do with how close you are to your spouse. Are you really friends or are you just partners? There is a difference. If you are truly friends that's a heavy burden for one person to bear. It my be difficult but you will be able to deal with it. If it's just a life partner then maybe it's best to let it stay a secret.

[Kokonsa Hene]

I guess the decision to tell have to depend on the circumstance you are dealing with.

1.If there is a potentiality that the matter would be exposed to her then you better tell her first and seek forgiveness. You may never be forgiven but you would have to live with consequence as you brought this on yourself.

2. On the other hand, if it’s just a matter of Guilt and you feel like telling her then, I would suggest you thread softly. Personally I would not go and dig the grave; I would go to my grave with this secret than to wreck the marriage.

[mariaic]

I think the best policy is to be truthful up front. That way you don't have to worry about it coming out 10, 20,30 years later. They key is to not cheat on your spouse that way you never have to deal with all that drama.

[m2cents]

Originally Posted by Zorro

Should a married person who had a sexual encounter with someone, but promised themself that they would never do it again tell their spouse?

What if they stayed married for 10, 20, or 30 years, and had never done it again, should they should they tell their spouse what they did 10, 20, or 30 years ago?

if the marriage lasts that long without a re-occurence,then the deed should be forgotten,but then the question is what if your spouse admits after 30yrs.that he/she has been sleeping around behind your back all this time? i guess it's not really fair to keep secrets if you really care for your spouse or marriage.

[Zorro]

Originally Posted by m2cents

if the marriage lasts that long without a re-occurence,then the deed should be forgotten,but then the question is what if your spouse admits after 30yrs.that he/she has been sleeping around behind your back all this time? i guess it's not really fair to keep secrets if you really care for your spouse or marriage.

Of course it's best not to be caught up in this, but if you are, upfront honesty is always best. If a mate who believed that their spouse was true to them found out that 20/30 yrs ago they cheated, that would be a hard pill to swallow even though being a little more mature they might deal with it a little different than they might have if they knew about it when it first happened.

However, I'd like to attach this idea to your question: Do you think that they still have the option to divorce on the grounds of adultry when they find out?

[Nudimmud9]

Originally Posted by Zorro

Should a married person who had a sexual encounter with someone, but promised themself that they would never do it again tell their spouse?

What if they stayed married for 10, 20, or 30 years, and had never done it again, should they should they tell their spouse what they did 10, 20, or 30 years ago?

It ain't about the trouble it causes and it ain't about the inconvenience created by you coming clean.

It's about you being able to look in the mirror with integrity, honor and a degree of pride still in your eye.

All you got is you Zorro & if you're lying to you, why would you expect anyone else to be truthful with you?

Originally Posted by m2cents

? i guess it's not really fair to keep secrets if you really care for your spouse or marriage.

It's not fair to keep secrets for you. Just a question, why do people do everything based on the external perception as compared to for themselves?

Straight up, you know it's wrong to step out on someone whom you've given your word to. Get squared with yourself, first, by acknowledging the wrong you've committed to yourself. Then tell the truth (externally) based on what you have discovered within you.

As a final aside, you should be honest with someone whether you care to pursue the relationship or not.

All jokes aside, what's all the nonsense I'm reading here? Don't we have a bunch of GOD fearing Christians and Muslims on Afrochat?

What happened to all the morals conversations I was reading in the "MOM I'M GAY THREAD?"

WHY'S HONESTY SO DAMN HARD TO COME BY THESE DAYS?

I look at it like this. If my wife had an affair 30 yrs ago or even 30 days ago and she regretted it, repented to God and never had any intention of doing it again I prefer that she keep it to herself. Not everything a person does should be exposed or talked about. But that's the world we live in now where what a person eats can be the topic of an entire article. Everyone wants to know everything about everybody and that's just crazy to me. Now if asked point blank then a person shouldn't lie. But if it's in the past then it should stay there. I don't believe in parents divulging to their kids everything that was a part of their youth or s/o divulging everything in their past. The past is the past and unless there are some effects creeping up into the present (like a disease or a child) then the past should be left between those who know and the Lord.

[ms.casteele]

hell yeah i think you you should tell that person cause you never know, it takes one time to catch something you cant get ride of, and its just tha point of it all you know besides tha fact that you did it in tha first place, but you should at least give her or him tha respect to be honest with him i know as a woman with a man i would want him to tell me if he cheated even if we were together for 20 years tell me, i would at least give you tha benifit of tha dought and u would get a small point for being honest.