Why Do Habitual Cheaters Feel Deserving Of A Commited Relationship Later? - AfroChat - African American

Nudimmud9 · February 27th, 2006, 11:26 AM

I have been thinking about something I could post, that I knew would divulge some level of response from folks on the board. My question is as stated in the title of this thread. That question being, "Why is it habitual cheaters, eventually, feel deserving of a committed and monogamous relationship later?

The reason I ask the question is very simple. My life experience has been that people (generally) know right from wrong in a very common and foundational sense virtually all their life. A very simplistic analogy for what I stated in the previous sentence is the concept of "The Golden Rule." Truth be told, you don't need much formative "Education" to be familiar with this conceptually either in theory or in tangible application through out life.

At any rate…..

A lot of the various responses I've gotten when I ask this question are:

"I was young and didn't know any better." Or, "I didn't really care about the individual hind-sight being twenty-twenty." Another justification I've heard in the past is, "What I did back then was just an experience that I had to have.” :whistling

Again, plain and simple, why is it folk that have been habitual cheaters in the past, feel entitled to a committed relationship after they've decided they sowed enough proverbial "Oats?" Why, as per others’ experience on this board, is it an expectation or and entitlement that many of these different types of individuals seem to have? And why does this seem to make sense to most folk?

Why am I asking? I’m asking because I’m curious to see what some of the responses will be. In addition, I’m just trying to add a new discussion to the board in the “Love and Relationship” Thread. I've looked through a number of the old post, in this particular section of "Afrochat,"and I've seen threads talking about the detrimental aftermath of a cheater, but nothing to the effect of what's been asked here.

Please do tell.......

Serenity4Ever · February 27th, 2006, 12:53 PM

Because they feel like they have changed. What I find interesting is that habitual cheaters want their significant others to be monogamous, eventhough they are being unfaithful. When cheaters find out that they have been cheated on by their s/o, they get upset..... WHY IS THAT????

Things that make you say HMMMMMM

robbboy2003 · February 27th, 2006, 12:57 PM

People can learn and get better from past mistakes. God did not make many of us perfect. The creator knows our weaknesses,and one major weakness for mankind has been the temptation of the flesh. Heroes and warriors have felt the sting of not being the type of man or woman they want to be as far as doing right in a committed relationship. God forgives those who trepass and he even keeps on forgiving mistakes. It is mankind who has problems sometimes with forgiveness.

Everyone wants a good life,and some people do not get their understanding of caring for a blessed relationship. These people still want the feeling of what it is to be in a loving relationship. You can say this about many things. People love themselves immensely,and once they are spanked by the lord usually they get on with the business of living. This is the way it has been since the days of David and it continues. Bottom line there is a selfish nature in many of us,although some eventually repent and are truly sorry for what they've done and want to do better in the next relationship.

saraphen · February 27th, 2006, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbboy2003

People can learn and get better from past mistakes.

That's true. I've seen it for myself.

Nudimmud9 · February 27th, 2006, 07:05 PM

It was not my intent to get under your skin "Robbboy." If I remember correctly, it may have been you that said you HAD a challenging past regarding the opposite sex and monogamy.

if I'm confusing you with someone else.

At any rate, just to be clear, I’m not talking about perfection either. This is because, perfection, is a very subjective concept that has no universal meaning as it relates to the test of life. Because of this, “Perfection,” has no single universal application in this regard either.

For examples sake, life is not a sport like basketball or baseball. Where there are statistical references or anecdotal data that can make or break a claim of "perfect" or "imperfect" performance. Truthfully, even in the realm of sports there are intangibles that can and do make or break a competitors overall performance. In short, as per my knowledge and view, perfection in this sense is a useless and futile pursuit for human kind to engage.

Anyhow,……

What I'm talking about, in this post, is the failure or refusal to be obedient to the concept of common knowledge/common-law (i.e. The Golden Rule.) Based on this, a more specific question might be:

“Why is it that men/women feel entitled to be treated in concert with “The Golden Rule” but simultaneously feel no intrinsic obligation to reciprocate that treatment to others?"

This is what I'm asking at the core of this new thread. Am I making more sense in my question now?

robbboy2003 · February 27th, 2006, 09:38 PM

Some people are just greedy "Nudimmud9." Some are just plain bad people with no decency,that's just the way they are. They feel deserving,because they are selfish people and opportunists. They use people in anything period!

I am not the one having the problem as it relates to monogamy,but i have an inlaw who does. I love my "Boo now more than ever and it has almost been a quarter of a century! There are gorgeous ladies out there,but i am truly blinded by one little "smurf" :) I mean fine lady. I have a soulmate and no what it means to have enough for me. :)

stiab3 · February 28th, 2006, 03:38 AM

Perhaps monogamy doesn't come naturally to some. And they can only conform to it with age, wisdom and possibly tiredness.

s3

m2cents · April 12th, 2006, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Serenity4Ever

Because they feel like they have changed. What I find interesting is that habitual cheaters want their significant others to be monogamous, eventhough they are being unfaithful. When cheaters find out that they have been cheated on by their s/o, they get upset..... WHY IS THAT????

Things that make you say HMMMMMM

i guess when they experience how it feels to be cheated on,then they realize not to do it to somebody else.

MzKwietStorm · April 12th, 2006, 11:18 AM

Everyone is capable of changing their ways. The only problem that person would have is finding someone who trusts them enough to believe they won't do it again. Everyone has heard the phrase, "once a cheater, always a cheater" but that statement is based on a few bad apples who made it worse for the ones who really want to change.

mandingo · April 12th, 2006, 11:41 AM

Everybody is on a journey and if a person gets to a point when they learn that habitual cheating is wrong then they can change. The problem is not really what they expect, it is what their partners will accept. If you get involved with a habitual cheater and they cheat on you can you really be surprised? If you put up with it then it usually will happen.

From another angle if you are a habitual cheater there is a reason why you do it. And I'm not accepting of the excuse of "I'm not into monagamy" because we are talking about cheating. That means you are being dishonest with your mate. If a person gets to the root of why they do so then they can truly change. They have no right to expect anyone to believe them but they can become a different person with new habits.