Oil Change

[charliekilothree]

Instructions for Women

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
The last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
Maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

Oil Change Instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, and cleaner and a scented tree, write a Check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,
Drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in Process.
Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
Filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
Everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
Trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
Oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag Pan Full of old oil out from underneath car Cleverly dump oil in hole
In back
Yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
To gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
Along
With drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
Dirt
Into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch
Of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
Lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
Oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
Tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling
Trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop
Blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
During steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!

[JamieC]

CK3 it's all in red and I can't read it.

[charliekilothree]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

Thanks ck3. I was just contemplating, not too long ago, how I could save a little money by doing the oil change myself. Where I live, Jiffy Lube is a little more expensive ($50 for the economy pkg), and I always complained about the price. But I feel so much better now about the money I'm spending. I'll never complain again. Hell, not having to search for the wrenches or having to drink all that beer is worth it to me. And then what do you do with the old oil? I've never gotten anyone to give me a straight answer on that.

I change my oil (sans beer) at my home and take the used oil to a waste tank at work. You should be able to take your used oil to a collection site like an oil change facility. That's what I used to do when I lived in an apartment.:)

[JamieC]

Typical male!!

[charliekilothree]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

Thanks dear for the info. My comment was meant facetiously. I know very well what to do with old oil, I just never got a straight answer from a do-it-yourselfer on the subject. And for the record, I would never do anything but "think about" changing my own oil. As far as I'm concerned, Jiffy Lube is a necessity, not a luxury.

For $50 I can do a lot of oil changes.

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

Cause I love me some Black men!!!

Right Sistergirl! Black men and Black love is beautiful thang.

[MzPhynixRyzn]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

Be nice dear, we don't want the men to think we are frontin' on 'em. :) Cause I love me some Black men!!!

DITTO. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice!! But I found this to be very amusing. Reminds me of my Boo... Mr Fix-it, spending the same $50 for an oil change!