Mom & Dad, I'm Gay... - AfroChat - African American

000HONEY · December 18th, 2004, 04:05 PM

A friend of mine's daughter(15) came to her about a year ago, and told her that she likes girls & she is attracted to girls. At first my friend was in denial, upset & surprised :eek: about the situation. She didn't want the rest of her family to know about her daughter's feelings towards other females. Eventually, she was able to go to her mother (her daughter's grandmother) and some other close family members, and tell them about the matter. Now, a year later, she feels more accepting of her daughter's choice...Her daughter(now 16) feels comfortable with dressing more like a male & pursuing relationships with other females. She is open with being what she calls herself..."a Dom" or "a Stud", thats attracted to "Fems".

Some people say...
"Oh, thats just a phase"...
"Oh, shes too young to know what she really wants"...
"She'll change her mind"...
"It couldn't be my child"...
"I wouldn't let that happen"...
"Thats still my child, and I support his/her feelings"...
"Not in my house"...
...and all the other opinions that you here.

I know this is a sensitive topic,
but I would love to read your veiws & opinions about this matter.
What would you say to your child?
How would you react?
Would you accept your child unconditionally?
...or do you think this couldn't be your child?

DBlack · December 18th, 2004, 04:36 PM

I would always love my child unconditionally, and always support her. Whould I disown my child? Of course not! But I would not do anything to condone what I know is an totally unacceptible choice in morality. For example, would I allow her 'mate' to come into my house? NO! Matter of Fact, Hell NO! Would it cause a division between us? Probably. But my kid will understand that dad is a person of unyielding conviction. Parents with no backbone aren't parenting.

Is that harsh? Yes, it is. But parents should be courageous enough to love thier kids but be consistent in their stance on issues. The modern day school of parenting believes unconditional love translates into accepting and allowing your children to do anything they want just to gain and maintain their acceptance. But what about your adult children wanting to maintain the approval of the parents? This used to be valued. There used to be a time where a parents kids would never even think of doing something that would hurt, harm, embarrass, or spit in the face of how they were raised. Parents that play the game of popularity and acceptance.....that's not parenting, that's trying to get along and be popular. And just becaue your kids are grown, doesn't mean you can stop wanting what you as a parent know what is morally and spiritually right.

And if you are shaking your head thinking "Dblack is straight trippin,..."
Open your bible, or whatever spiritual foundation in which you were raised, and that should put you back on the proper path.

MsMellow · December 18th, 2004, 04:53 PM

I agree. I would still love my daughter no less and I'd let her know that, but just because I love her doesn't mean I have to like or accept the choices she makes. She would NOT be dressing like a dude around me, and she would NOT be flaunting her lil girlfriend in my face. She's my daughter not my son, I already have one of those. Now when she becomes grown and she moves out of my house then she can do what she likes, but as long as she's here she will do what I say. Im sorry but that's how I was raised and I turned out great so if it worked for me it'll work for my kids...and if not I'll MAKE it work.

At 15 and 16 a kid is still trying to find his/her place so I would hope that she pass that phase. But then I look at it like this, at 15 or 16 how can a girl know for sure that she doesn't like boys if she's never even had one? Or at least I would hope she hasn't since she's still so young. But how can you KNOW that you don't like something you've never had? So I would be one of those parents who'd hope that it was just a phase and she'd get past it.

Now later on down the line if that's the way it was then I'd have to live with that but again I'd love her no less.

Chelbe · December 18th, 2004, 05:41 PM

I would be upset at first and maybe for awhile. I will let my child know exactly why it is that I disagree with his/her choice. No I would not disown my child or ban her mate from my house, but whether my child was in a homosexual or heterosexual relationship, they would not be touchy feely, kissy huggy, ga ga goo goo all in my presence and I hope that would be out of the respect they have for me.
I will love my child unconditionally, yes it would be very hard to accept that decision made by my child, but I'm not about to live the rest of my life bitter about it.

PhilMoSlim · December 18th, 2004, 06:04 PM

Yo Dblack,

I'm wit you on this one yo. Ain't no way in the hell I'm gonna let my kids get all disgusting without me being the man I'm obligated to be and lay it down proper. You wanna go against the love and morality in which you were raised, then it's you (the child), that has issues.
NOt in my house no how, no way. Sometimes the best love is toughlove.

Rashid · December 18th, 2004, 06:30 PM

If you don't want to lose your child, love and accept them unconditionally.

Imight be one of the few on this board who can answer from the position of the child. The gay child/adult is going to ultimately do what is best for them, and believe it or not, mommy and daddy aren't always right.

No one is at fault if the child is gay. These things happen. It is not a slap in YOUR face if your child is gay....how narcissistic to think that. Look past your own insecurities and accept the child.

Tolerance and acceptance are two different things....you tolerate strangers. You ACCEPT your child.

Blak · December 18th, 2004, 08:08 PM

This would be a big dissappointment. I would eventually accept for my child to live the life they are gonna live. I dont have to like what they do.....I would just hope they make wize decisions as to who they are with. As for what they do in my house......no parent in their right mind encourages thier kids to have sex in the house or do things of that nature. I dont wanna see it......my child can do that stuff....once grown...in their own place on their own time and not tell me. I have to accept the child...not the behaviour.

Blak

DBlack · December 18th, 2004, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rashid

If you don't want to lose your child, love and accept them unconditionally.

Imight be one of the few on this board who can answer from the position of the child. The gay child/adult is going to ultimately do what is best for them, and believe it or not, mommy and daddy aren't always right.

No one is at fault if the child is gay. These things happen. It is not a slap in YOUR face if your child is gay....how narcissistic to think that. Look past your own insecurities and accept the child.

Tolerance and acceptance are two different things....you tolerate strangers. You ACCEPT your child.

Points well made. But as you clearly admit, you are looking at it from the perspective of a child. And a child always wants their conduct to be accepted. And the more intelligent a child is, the more alternative avenues they find appropriate rather than the path in which they were raised. Acceptance is not and should not be a requirement of a parent to prove love. With all due respect, when you transcend into the role of parent, you will be foreced to understand this. If I as a parent am accomodating and accepting of even the mose troubling of behavior from my kids, then I am failing in my duty as a parent, plain in simple.

Homosexuality erodes the traditional family value system. Roles are destroyed, identities corrupted, and perversion is encouraged. The black family has enough problems, and I don't see one shred of evidence how homosexuality helps strengthen what we so desperately need to improve.

Once I become more concerned with appeasing my child, I am no longer acting as a parent with moral conviction and leadership. And if parents are weak, then so is the family.

Vegence · December 19th, 2004, 07:48 PM

I heard that dblack... !!

Loving our children does not mean we have to approve of everthing that they do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonderful response!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by dBlack

I would always love my child unconditionally, and always support her. Whould I disown my child? Of course not! But I would not do anything to condone what I know is an totally unacceptible choice in morality. For example, would I allow her 'mate' to come into my house? NO! Matter of Fact, Hell NO! Would it cause a division between us? Probably. But my kid will understand that dad is a person of unyielding conviction. Parents with no backbone aren't parenting.

Is that harsh? Yes, it is. But parents should be courageous enough to love thier kids but be consistent in their stance on issues. The modern day school of parenting believes unconditional love translates into accepting and allowing your children to do anything they want just to gain and maintain their acceptance. But what about your adult children wanting to maintain the approval of the parents? This used to be valued. There used to be a time where a parents kids would never even think of doing something that would hurt, harm, embarrass, or spit in the face of how they were raised. Parents that play the game of popularity and acceptance.....that's not parenting, that's trying to get along and be popular. And just becaue your kids are grown, doesn't mean you can stop wanting what you as a parent know what is morally and spiritually right.

And if you are shaking your head thinking "Dblack is straight trippin,..."
Open your bible, or whatever spiritual foundation in which you were raised, and that should put you back on the proper path.

Vegence · December 19th, 2004, 07:54 PM

I agree!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsMellow

I agree. I would still love my daughter no less and I'd let her know that, but just because I love her doesn't mean I have to like or accept the choices she makes. She would NOT be dressing like a dude around me, and she would NOT be flaunting her lil girlfriend in my face. She's my daughter not my son, I already have one of those. Now when she becomes grown and she moves out of my house then she can do what she likes, but as long as she's here she will do what I say. Im sorry but that's how I was raised and I turned out great so if it worked for me it'll work for my kids...and if not I'll MAKE it work.

At 15 and 16 a kid is still trying to find his/her place so I would hope that she pass that phase. But then I look at it like this, at 15 or 16 how can a girl know for sure that she doesn't like boys if she's never even had one? Or at least I would hope she hasn't since she's still so young. But how can you KNOW that you don't like something you've never had? So I would be one of those parents who'd hope that it was just a phase and she'd get past it.

Now later on down the line if that's the way it was then I'd have to live with that but again I'd love her no less.