Spanking other folks kids? - AfroChat - African American

bluesky · August 27th, 2005, 09:56 AM

My neighbor "Amy" has a 3 year old daughter. We've know each other for about 1 1/2 years. Her family comes over and chit chat and vice versa... barbeques, movies, ect. I've even watched her daughter a few times while once an emergency situation and another time for she and her husband to have a date night. Amy has given me permission to spank her daughter is she misbehaves (which I haven't). Her logic is that she's in my home under, my care, and my rules and if I tell her to quit and she doesn't feel free to give her a few swats to get her back in order. She has even told her daughter "I've given Ms. Bluesky permission to spank your backside if you start misbehaving. If we don't do it at home, don't think you can do it over here because I will hear about it and that will be two spanking."

Actually I guess my problem is I don't feel comfortable "whipping" other folks kids except my siblings and my own (if I had any). But even though I've never spanked her daughter I am thankful that "Amy" trusts" me enough that if I had to I could but I know that I never will. Her little girl is so cute, sweet, and funny. My hubby and I actually enjoy hanging/watching her (gives us some practice). She does things 3 year olds do..asking a ton of questions, being nosy, laughing about crazy stuff.

So parents--How do you feel about spanking other people's kids? or Do you let other people spank your child(ren)?

Kwayerah · August 27th, 2005, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluesky

So parents--How do you feel about spanking other people's kids? or Do you let other people spank your child(ren)?

Well, I don't believe in spanking. My personal beliefs are that spanking kids is physical violence against children rationalized as "discipline". The root of discipline-disciple- means to guide and teach, and I believe children can be taught without being hit.

Grown folks can't go around slapping each other. It's called assault. I've never understood why it's acceptable for an adult to do the same to a child and it be considered OK. Then where is the line drawn on abuse? When it is abuse, and when is it dicsipline?

If I were to spank my child, I personally would feel like I was abusing my position and power as an adult, as parent and guide and as a bigger person. So, if I feel like what I am doing is wrong,and is abuse and physical violence, then that's what it would be.

If I have to resort to using physical force on my child,to have them behave, then I think I need to get my butt into a parenting class and get help.

However, I believe that there are people who spank who believe they are doing the right thing in their position as parent ,adult and guide by spanking and believe that is in the best interest of their child.

Curious1 · August 27th, 2005, 11:31 AM

3yrs.old seem a lil young for a spanking..a real spanking..NTway..have you talked to Mom about your stand..and maybe mom can just tell lil Amy to mind Ms.Bluesky..and that you are just in charge while mom&dad are gone..Why even threaten with the spanking up front if the kid hasn't even displayed any baddy-but ness..Prolly as a warning...But still...at 3yrsold..???

Curious1

shephrenology · August 27th, 2005, 12:32 PM

if i had kids, no one else is to touch them (spanking), i personally dont want to have to beat my kids. i know kids are "bad" but if their taught how to behave their is not need for the convo to come up.

JamieC · August 27th, 2005, 04:00 PM

Unfortunately it's not like back in the day when your neighbor could whip the stew out of ya then you turned around and got another whippin' from ya mamma or your daddy. Kids should know from jump that you don't go to other peoples homes acting a fool and clowning. What I will do though is take away a priviledge they really like cause that can hurt more then anything in the world.

DBlack · August 27th, 2005, 04:05 PM

I'm funny about my lil girl, hell I can't even spank her, let alone someone else.

I don't spank other folk's churren as I don't want them doing it to mine.

saraphen · August 27th, 2005, 04:09 PM

bluesky, I think since you don't have a problem with Amy's behavior right now, I wouldn't even make it an issue. If she starts misbehaving, if you can't correct her without spanking, then stop keeping her anymore.

trinigirl · August 27th, 2005, 04:21 PM

You don't train your child for you but you train your child for others. This means if a child is properly trained anyone would be able to correct your child within reason and he/she would conform to the correction, there are some children where ONLY their parents can correct them.
I personally don't see the need to "spank" another persons child if they are only spending a few hours or even a weekend by you (corrected, reprimanded, punished) yes but not spanked, if the issue is serious for a spanking it is serious enough for the parents to be informed immediately!!
Just my 19cents
Peace

bluesky · August 28th, 2005, 09:55 AM

@Curious1--Yes, Amy has give me permission to spank her daugher and I even commented that I didn't feel comfortable but she replied, "I know you won't probably ever whip her but just in case."

@Saraphen--No, she a good little girl. So sweet and polite. I've never had any problems with her. I've never had to yell, raise my voice, ect. If she's doing something, we tell her no or to stop and she does. She acts so good around my hubby and I. I don't know if it's because she knows her mom has given me permission or what.

I guess spankings depends on the person..from a swat on the butt to switches, belts, ect..I've had numerous spankings and I know I absolutely deserved more than my share.

SistahSpeak · August 29th, 2005, 11:35 AM

This is interesting. I've read everyone's posts and began to think what our parents and parents-parents would've responded. I think our parents and grand parents whipped. Point blank. And while I don't believe that 'whippings/spankings' are necessary in all situations, I do believe the lack of it has contributed to how some of our children are acting nowadays.

I remember back in the day when we wouldn't cuss in front of our elders. That's not the case. and this is just one example of many...

In my personal situation, I can count the times I have spanked my son. My husband on the other hand, believes in spankings, only in a situation where our child is being defiant, and blatantly ignoring our instruction.

I must say I respect the view Kwayerah presented... I don't think I've ever looked at it in that perspective. I have decided to not spank as much as others, if at all. I have decided to talk to my son, tell him right and wrong. And sometimes, I must admit, he gets loose-lipped and would 'go there' moreso than he would with my husband. And then comes the single pop on the hand, or to the backside.

I think each parent knows when their child is getting out of hand, and when it's time to change our methods. I haven't spanked any other child. With my nephews, I talk to them, explain to them what I believe they are doing wrong, and then ask them "what would you parents say?" And then of course, if warranted, escalate the issue to their parents.

While I respect all forms of discipline we choose in our homes, we cannot replace spankings with no discipline whatsoever. We have to remain mindful that we are here to raise children into good people who know right from wrong. And sometimes that can be conveyed through words, while other times the next level of discipline may be called for.

I received spankings, and I have no hang-ups over them.

Too much of anything is a bad thing. "Everything within moderation".