Child Support?!? - Page 3 - AfroChat - African American

DBlack · December 6th, 2004, 02:49 PM

Slick, drop the wisdom on 'em.

slickbitty · December 6th, 2004, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babydoll

All I heard is that it wasn't true and then all this blah, blah ,blah...it's not fair and what the mother's do with the child support.

did you want the question answered, or to hear what you want to hear?
because they answered the question.

slickbitty · December 6th, 2004, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babydoll

The court wouldn't have to determine the amount of child support required if both parents took care of the child, equally.

There would be no need for the courts to interevene.

It's all about control on the parts of both mother and father.

doesn't matter what the parents agree on, and it depends on the state that the parents live, and if they live in different states, this also depends. My stepson is supposed to get 370 per month. And that's what HE's supposed to get. Of course his mother bought a brand new car....I digress...don't want to get too personal, but ya'll know what I mean. And she almost took him to court to get more...Now I ask ya, how the hell is the man supposed to live, and have his son come and stay if he has nothing else to use to pay for rent, for food, electricity??? I'm not saying all, just some women are petty and try to hurt men through their kids and their pockets because the relationship is over. This is why the system is so entirely f'd up!!!!

Babydoll · December 6th, 2004, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickbitty

doesn't matter what the parents agree on, and it depends on the state that the parents live, and if they live in different states, this also depends. My stepson is supposed to get 370 per month. And that's what HE's supposed to get. Of course his mother bought a brand new car....I digress...don't want to get too personal, but ya'll know what I mean. And she almost took him to court to get more...Now I ask ya, how the hell is the man supposed to live, and have his son come and stay if he has nothing else to use to pay for rent, for food, electricity??? I'm not saying all, just some women are petty and try to hurt men through their kids and their pockets because the relationship is over. This is why the system is so entirely f'd up!!!!

My point was, the parents would never make it to court , if they agreed.

So, it does matter.

Also, dblack and Ren stated that it doesn't happen. How is that answereing the question? Mike did say , it's because they want to shirk their responsibilities.

I thought the topic was about why men disconnect from their children and don't provide for them. Not what women do with child support payments.

I'm reading what's posted.

sumayyah · December 8th, 2004, 12:21 PM

As someone who has been the court system (divorced) and receives child support checks, here is my 2 cents worth:

Many times, child support is used as ransom by both parents. They threaten each other with "I'm not paying one cent until you....." or "You can't see your child until I get..." And the only person suffering is the child. Child support is supposed ot be used to support the child, i.e. clothes, food, leisure, etc. In some instances, child supprt is used to help meet expenses such as rent (child has to have a home, right?), lights (child can't be in the dark, can he?), etc, etc.

Now, there is a breed of women who take the money and run. Their hair gets done, they get new rims on their cars, they get Prada and Gucci and their kids are dirty, uncombed and hungry. (I know several women like this.) On the other side, there is a breed of man who refuses to pay child support because they feel the child's mother "betta get a job" if she's at all concerned about providing for her child. In many cases, the court-ordered child supprt is used to make up for part of the lost income in the child's primary home.

Here in Michigan (especially in cases of divorce) the parents have a chance to agree on an amount. They go through a session with the Friend of the Court. If they cannot agree, the mediator makes a recommendation to the judge, and the judge makes the final decision, based upon how much the custodial parent makes versus how much the non-custodial parent makes. The age of the child is also considered, as is how long the marriage lasted. (Alimony is something different.)

elmb · December 8th, 2004, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickbitty

My stepson is supposed to get 370 per month. And that's what HE's supposed to get. Of course his mother bought a brand new car....I digress...don't want to get too personal, but ya'll know what I mean. And she almost took him to court to get more...Now I ask ya, how the hell is the man supposed to live, and have his son come and stay if he has nothing else to use to pay for rent, for food, electricity??? I'm not saying all, just some women are petty and try to hurt men through their kids and their pockets because the relationship is over. This is why the system is so entirely f'd up!!!!

I feel you Slick. My Step daughter gets $540 a month and their rent is $260 and there are 2 adults in the house who contribute to that $260. You tell me how the judge came up with that amount when our rent is $800? Then the mother has the girl calling every week seems like for something for school, clothes, etc. I'm not a dollar for dollar person but this plain out isn't right. Then when they don't pay the whole thing, but send what they can, it adds up and then they lose their driver's license and their passport because they trying to live to. Where is the justice?

000HONEY · December 18th, 2004, 06:46 PM

I have NO respect for any MAN or WOMAN that does not contribute to the emotional, moral, physical & financial upbringing of there child/children.

Vegence · December 18th, 2004, 07:11 PM

BINGO, BINGO, BINGO, BINGO!!!!!!!!

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of silly women who file child support because they know the courts are going to eat these men alive (ie revenge). However, I strongly believe that a lot of why the courts get involved is because someone needs to be reminded that even though the two of your not in a relationship with the other parent, you still have to take care of your children.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babydoll

The court wouldn't have to determine the amount of child support required if both parents took care of the child, equally.

There would be no need for the courts to interevene.

It's all about control on the parts of both mother and father.

Vegence · December 18th, 2004, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickbitty

i'm a firm believer in taking care of your own, but it goes beyond the money. support means being their spiritually and physically. Showing up for parent teach meetings. discussing things out for the wellbeing of the child. Just because the relationship didn't work out, don't punish the child. I'm speaking from a standpoint of a step mother. Now granted, my stepson get's on my nerves because he does things in my house that i don't allow, and he's bucking my authority in my own house...however, don't just call the father when something wrong has happened. Don't just call when the check didn't come. Don't just call because he needs something (shoes, clothes, school supplies) Call because you want to talk to your dad, call because you've got respect and love, and for the love of god RETURN THE MANS CALLS. .

It almost sounds like the son looks at his father as simply a means for money, the question is why?? I mean if he's (the father in your scenario) doing all those things (being their spiritually and physically) maybe the young man (the child) would feel compelled to call him for things other than money.

Then again don't all children do this (ask for money all the doggone time), whether their parents are together or not, at some point in their lives?

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickbitty

I think that a lot of our sisters need to own up to our own role in why black men feel so emasuclated and powerless. I'm not saying that there aren't men out there that deserve to be taken to court, but don't punish the ones that take care of theirs.

I agree with you here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickbitty

And stop listening to your bitter girlfriend who's got two kids by 2 different deadbeats....the problem at the man at that point. Look in the mirror and evaluate what you're doing and change that before going into the next relationship.

I'm sure more women would be willing to accept this if they didn't feel that the (some) fellas weren't allowing themselves to be schooled on how to work in one place just long enough for the courts not to catch you and all the other "methods" out there to keep from taking care of their responsibilities.

Just a thought!

Vegence · December 18th, 2004, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickbitty

doesn't matter what the parents agree on, and it depends on the state that the parents live, and if they live in different states, this also depends. My stepson is supposed to get 370 per month. And that's what HE's supposed to get. Of course his mother bought a brand new car....I digress...don't want to get too personal, but ya'll know what I mean.

Question
Is this car being used to go about the day to day ( and some not so day to day) activities that come with being a parent? Is the child being well taken care of? If the child is being taken care of then the child support is obviously being used the way it's supposed to be!

I don't understand when I hear things of this nature, I know you have some women who say I am going to take him to the cleaners (out of spite) but you have some men who DON'T pay child support because they feel the need to try to punish the mother.

Basically saying "Oh well"

while she is struggling to take care of the child he helped create.

Who's really thinking about the kids?
This is why the courts get involved.