Child Support?!?

[Ren6879]

Originally Posted by notiq

I'm listening to the radio...WGCI out of Chicago...and the topic is child support...and heres my question...why do men feel that when a relationship ends, that they do not have to financially take care of their child? Many men are calling in...and they are calling their ex's all kinds of names...do 'some' men think that they don't have to financially tend to their kids...its makes no sense how they attack these mothers just cause they go and file for CS payments, the mother doesnt set the amount to be paid, the judge does, so why attack the mother...cause if the man had custody he would do the same thing...enlighten me with y'alls comments...

and chelle darling it is not about walking away some times it is the mother driving away the father ... disrespecting the father of her childen ....let me ask you a question do you know how they come up with the amount of money you pay when u have to start paying child support ... what they do is they take how much you make every 2 weeks they all they take away is how much u pay for rent or mortgage and lights ... they dont care about your phone bill because it is an accesory, they dont care how much they take out of your taxes or your 401 k plan .... they take it from your gross not your net ...most times it is almost equivolent to damn near a whole check .... unless you have a good lawyer ... you barely have enough to make rent ... and plase dont get a second job because they coming for that 2 .... also u are now responsible for medical bills ... so lets not get started ... plus if they were on support from the state say good bye to your tax check at the end because the state will be taking that as well ..... all the woman is supposed to do is feed and keep a roof over the childs head ....

[Babydoll]

The court wouldn't have to determine the amount of child support required if both parents took care of the child, equally.

There would be no need for the courts to interevene.

It's all about control on the parts of both mother and father.

[msqueen]

I think if the father allows himself to disconnect with his children well then he needs to RECONNECT!! Forget about what happened and work on what CAN happen. People need to stop thinking about $$$ so hard! Married or not married....everyone should handle their business.

Your child is your seed. You should connect with them regardless of the situation.

In the end they are the ones that loose out! Go figure....people need to learn real morals and values.

[Ren6879]

Originally Posted by Babydoll

The court wouldn't have to determine the amount of child support required if both parents took care of the child, equally.

There would be no need for the courts to interevene.

It's all about control on the parts of both mother and father.

True and that is the fight over CONTROL there are a lot of spifeful mothers out here most of whom should hang it up and move on but cant seem to ... and I personally knew fathers who were giving money but you know what there down falls were ?? not keeping thier reciepts ...Now they had back pay as well as current payments ...these men loved thier kids but it was made clear by some of these mothers where they stood with the children ... the kids it seems dosent matter , just getting back at the father ...aka spitefulness ....and you are right ms queen it should be abut the kids but unfourtunately it isnt and that in itself is a shame .....

[Babydoll]

And what about the control that the fathers try to exert?

If a mother, without a child support order , asks for funds for something that the father thinks is unnecessary, the father will control whether or not he will provide the support in that instance.

The mother may, seek a formal order so as not to have the father making decisions that she doesnt agree with.

Both parties seek to control the situation. When they're not on the same page, the courts have to get involved. So, it's not always about being vindictive and greedy.

You have to admit, there are some men who won't help raise their children, regardless of the situation.

[elmb]

Let me word this correctly, IF and I say IF you are the guardian parent and you do not receive support on a regular, then it is up to you what you use that money for when it comes.

Let me explain first. My son's father long ago, ( we are beautiful friends again, all is well), had it set up for him to send the money in himself, it didn't come straight out of his check. I would see a check maybe once every 2 months, and not for a whole lot of money either. So when the tax check came in a few hundred dollars, yes, I spent it on me. I bought ME a new coat. Here's why. Unless I get the CS check or not, I took care of my son. He got 2 new coats for the winter, 4 pairs of sneakers ( I hate to shop so I buy alot at the same time), clothes, etc. trips come up in school, I pay. I pay for his food, medical bills, school pictures, etc. He is still being taken cared of whether the father sends in money or not. I went without for my son and would do it again in a New York MInute. So when that check came in, I did a little something for me that I didn't get a chance to do taking care of my son. At this point, he didn't need anything else but that was on account of ME always providing.

[slickbitty]

with money...

and i think that is where a lot of men and women get it confused because there are just as many MEN (not just black) out there that don't want to have anything to do with the family that they helped create.

i'm a firm believer in taking care of your own, but it goes beyond the money. support means being their spiritually and physically. Showing up for parent teach meetings. discussing things out for the wellbeing of the child. Just because the relationship didn't work out, don't punish the child. I'm speaking from a standpoint of a step mother. Now granted, my stepson get's on my nerves because he does things in my house that i don't allow, and he's bucking my authority in my own house...however, don't just call the father when something wrong has happened. Don't just call when the check didn't come. Don't just call because he needs something (shoes, clothes, school supplies) Call because you want to talk to your dad, call because you've got respect and love, and for the love of god RETURN THE MANS CALLS. This is one thing I cannot stand that his mother does. He calls to confirm pick-up times and when he's going to be late (especially if he's travelling for his job and won't be back until later). Because the mother knows that if he didn't call, she'd be pitchin' a fit about how triflin' and no good he is.

I think that a lot of our sisters need to own up to our own role in why black men feel so emasuclated and powerless. I'm not saying that there aren't men out there that deserve to be taken to court, but don't punish the ones that take care of theirs.

And stop listening to your bitter girlfriend who's got two kids by 2 different deadbeats....the problem at the man at that point. Look in the mirror and evaluate what you're doing and change that before going into the next relationship.

[msqueen]

Preach on SLICKBITTY! I am witcha.....Hawla!

[elmb]

It's not about the money and that's why I never went back and sweated him when it was coming in all sporadic like that. I never said anything negative to my son about him either. God got his conscience and what he was missing and I allowed him to come back and redeem himself because my son missed his father, bottom line. It wasn't about us, it's about the children.

Now, my husband had children before we got married. My oldest step daughter is 12, the youngest are twins, aged 4 with a 6 year old in the middle and our 2 year old. We children ya'll. I am the best step mother you will ever know. I promote my husband calling his children, keeping on top of things concerning them, etc. He speaks to my oldest son's father as if they are brothers. We all get along because it is the CHILDREN who suffer when you don't get along.

[Babydoll]

It should ALWAYS be about the kids. But as adults, we forget that.