Who's fault is it?

[Chelbe]

Mostly after somewhat tragic events, I've heard parents say that they didn't raise their child to be this or that... then who's fault is it when someones child ends up being a murderer, rapist, child molestor, drug abuser, etc... I dont think you can raise a child to be either of those things, but where do they get it from?
People put alot of emphasis on a child being raised and guided by both parents and that society/media should not have any hold on the mind of a child.. but when a child is raised in a good home, with good parents, how is it that some turn out to be all but the way they were raised? Especially when they have siblings who seem to live like they have good common sense.

[charliekilothree]

I don't think there is a simple answer for that question. I would not atempt to blame parents when they did all that they knew how to raise their child with morals, values and set a good example. You can raise a child the way you want them to be but there is no certainty they will follow your teachings. To that end, they are to blame if they commit serious crimes after they have developed a sense of right and wrong. My example would be Ted Kaczynski (The Unabomber). His own brother was the one that turned him in.

[Blak]

This is hard....it is a little of everything. Parents are known to not raise all their kids the same. There are ones they take things out on, favourites, there is the fact that some parents get better after a few kids so the first ones got shitty parenting but others did not, there is when a stressfull event happens and parents take it out on who ever they have the most control over.

I guess I could accept any answer depending on the situation....what I wont accept is parents that connect all success with their parenting and all failure with the kid being "born bad". Parents need to take some personal responsibility. As soon as black parents do what is popularly called "good parenting" they ASSume that all things that go wrong with the kid are the kids and societys fault....not theirs...because they used this "magical" form of parenting. *SMH*

It aint like that....you dont pick and choose nature or nurture after something has happend with your kid so as to make yourself look good.

Another good thread :)

Blak

[HoOdPrInCe]

wouldnt say the parents...But I'd say society....The world outside a home can get to children...the friends and what they see on TV can influence them to do what others do...If id raise my child right and they turn out bad...Id say I did what I had to do...Maybe the society and his/her peers got them acting they way they do.

Originally Posted by charliekilothree

I don't think there is a simple answer for that question. I would not atempt to blame parents when they did all that they knew how to raise their child with morals, values and set a good example. You can raise a child the way you want them to be but there is no certainty they will follow your teachings. To that end, they are to blame if they commit serious crimes after they have developed a sense of right and wrong. My example would be Ted Kaczynski (The Unabomber). His own brother was the one that turned him in.

I agree

[jimihaze]

I do not think that a person is born bad either. I think that as parents we see a certain action or behavior or tendency if you will in our children that we can either address or ignore in can happen in positive things and negative things. there are certain things that children can do the we as adults know is wrong and we sit back and say nothing and watch this wrong doing progress to a pattern of bad behavior. then the kid gets into trouble the parent will say I did not raise them to be this way. I say to this yes you did because you did not say anything when it first started at home. In this day an age you can not be passive parents. In these times the things that parents have to address with there children are there behavior meaning what is appropriate and what is not appropriate or acceptable behavior in the home or in public. the parents also have to address drug use and sexual behavior as well with the children. It is sad that these types of talks have start at a young age and continue on until they reach the age of consent. I am not saying that you have to ram it down there throats but be able to have an open an easy dialogue this is paramount. we as a parents should always make it easy for your children to talk to you no matter what. also as parents we should be well versed in the art of listening. It is the fault of the parent and child when the child does something deviant. the example I will use is this how do you walk around with a trench coat on even in warm weather and how do you build an explosive devise in your parents home and they not know it. how do these kids go to the websites that show them how to build explosives and you the parents are not tracking where they have been on the web. how do these kids get these type of guns. these are the things that those kids that did the colorado shootings had that there parents say they knew nothing about that was a case of passive parents. one of the mothers of the shooters said to her hairdresser that she was jewish. the person she should have told was her son who was an admirer of hitler, but she told her hairdresser. that is why I say that sometimes the fault can be both the parent and the child. I know that it is not always so but it depends on the situation I think that is fair to say.

[Java]

“People put alot of emphasis on a child being raised and guided by both parents and that society/media should not have any hold on the mind of a child.. but when a child is raised in a good home, with good parents, how is it that some turn out to be all but the way they were raised?”

Hypothetically, what if the child’s home-life is not as it appears? Meaning just because a kid is in a two parent seemingly wholesome home does not mean the home is healthy. I remember reading a book about the “Psychology of Evil.” One case study was about a depressed teenage boy who lived in a middle class two parent home. His mother was a religious woman and his father a hard-working man. Their elder son (his brother) committed suicide. The parents were taking the youngest son for counseling because he got into some trouble.

On their youngest son’s (depressed child) birthday, they gave him his brother’s suicide weapon. When the psychiatrist asked why they would give a depressed boy a gun particularly the gun his brother used to kill himself. The parents became defensive and began to boast about their parenting skills and hard-work ethics. Let them tell it their son’s depression had nothing to do with them. "He had everything a boy his age needed."

In the final analysis, the parents were in need of therapy not the son. They were literally killing the spirit of their child with their self-protective ways. The moral of the story is that evil may sometime appear wholesome, perfect, and cleverly disguised as good. "Those who are evil are masters of disguise; they are not apt to wittingly disclose their true colors - either to others or to themselves. It is not without reason that the serpent is renowned for his subtlety."

So, "maybe" just maybe the home was not as good as it appeared.

**This is not a put down of parents because there are some awesome parents...whose children go astray by their own choice.**

[naskiecenye]

Wow this is a good post

I agree I think that as long as those parents tried their best then u cant blame them. Every parent has their own way of handling parenting. I know a woman who raised two daughters one is sucessful and the other died a crack addict. I dont think she did anything its just influences

Life is hard as a child some of us forget what its like to be a child. I remember so many times i wanted to give up and be like to hell with being a good kid because the other children were smoking weed, and drinking and doing so much other stuff. I stayed strong. I remember being teased and fighting because boys liked me and girls were jelous I remember one girl picked on me so much that i actually thought about stabbing her to death one day no lie but i chose another road. I go on to say that we face some stuff as kids and its up to us to take what our parents have taught us and do the good things in life. I dont know who's fault it is for the failures maybe its a mixture of things.

Theres no right or wrong answer for this question

[Chelbe]

This world as it is for children has serious issues and people are always talking about a solution, but how can we (in general) supply one when we don't even know what the root of the problem is and then how can one pinpoint it to one specific thing. I guess the root could be a variety different things. Some things are swept under the rug and not paid attention to and some are a product of their environment it guess. Thanks for the responses.

[Sess20]

WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE MY ENGLISH CLASS HAD THIS SAME DISCUSSION, WE REALLY WERE TALKING ABOUT THE MOVIE "Bowling For Colombine" I really don't know what to think about this question I think it depends on alot of different things.

[naskiecenye]

^^^^^^^^^^like................