Worried about my eldest son

[Daughter of Kali]

He's now coming into an age where he is displaying interest in girls. That is good, but what worries me is that all the girls that he shows any interest in are white. I have brought him up to be proud of his race and his heritage. Is this a passing phase? He has never had a strong father figure in his life, but I thought I was doing a good job bringing him and his two brothers on my own.

[Jewels0479]

Maybe your son is showing interest in white girls because that is what he sees as beautful based on what he sees on tv and what his friends find attractive.

[afrocentric]

what school does he go to? does he go to a integrated high school? how much percentage is the white girls over the black girls? how high is interracial dating in your area or at his school? did he explain why he's liking this white girl? has he ever dated black girls? do the black girls find him attractive?

[RealTalk3000]

maybe white girls show him more respect and dont overlook him.

Maybe white girls are into him too.

Alot of times brothas get into liking white girls because the sistas act as if they feces dont stink,and then when a white girl comes their way then dude becomes interested of many races of women. There could be other reasons to why he's interested in white girls.

[darkshadow4563]

Originally Posted by Daughter of Kali

He's now coming into an age where he is displaying interest in girls. That is good, but what worries me is that all the girls that he shows any interest in are white. I have brought him up to be proud of his race and his heritage. Is this a passing phase? He has never had a strong father figure in his life, but I thought I was doing a good job bringing him and his two brothers on my own.

Wow this is the same situation I am in. I'm divorced now but he has had a father figure in his life up until the last 2 years. Thing is my son has never liked black women. We have had many, many, many discussions concerning this. I am pro-black.

My son says that all the black girls he comes in contact with via school primarily are just too bossy and aggressive. ( Hell I don't even like what I see in young black girls) He doesn't like their personalities. He's just 16 now. He pretty much focuses on (I think ) are the people who are in his active vision field. He skateboards and always have. No black girls in that arena at all that I can see.

My daughter (15) does not think black guys are nice so she likes anything but black guys for now. But hell once again ( I don't like what I see in today's young black guy)

I've told them time and time again though.. If they can't use my comb, don't bring them home. I want them to find at some point, a good black man and women to give their love to. Hopefully by the time they are adults, they will come across someone of AA .

[blkbuttafly]

Originally Posted by RealTalk3000

maybe white girls show him more respect and dont overlook him.

Maybe white girls are into him too.

Alot of times brothas get into liking white girls because the sistas act as if they feces dont stink,and then when a white girl comes their way then dude becomes interested of many races of women. There could be other reasons to why he's interested in white girls.

Are you serious or were you making a joke? "and then when a white girl comes their way then dude becomes interested of many races of women"??? What does that even mean? Are you saying these men can't take personal responsibility for their actions? It is OTHER people who MAKE them choose who they choose?

Okay let's say everything you suggested is 100% true. Then, those brothers would need to start looking within themselves to see what the problem is because Guess what? Interracial couples don't last any longer than any other couple. If those Black men found the end all to beat all, someone who FINALLY can treat them good........then how come they don't stay with them? Where's Halle Berry's dad? Where's Mariah Carey's Dad? Heck where was Obama's dad?

[Chevron Dove]

Originally Posted by Daughter of Kali

He's now coming into an age where he is displaying interest in girls. That is good, but what worries me is that all the girls that he shows any interest in are white. I have brought him up to be proud of his race and his heritage. Is this a passing phase? He has never had a strong father figure in his life, but I thought I was doing a good job bringing him and his two brothers on my own.

I love this post! There is so much that I can say about this subject too but to be honest, I refrain somewhat, because I am still on the road of finding a whole solution. Based on my personal experience, I believe that this American environment makes it impossible for a developing young African American man to be completely attracted to his own race of women initially. So, since I expect negative behavior, I run intereference with my sons. I believe that, as a mother, I can help them to understand the positive things about African American women that this country does not want them to focus on.

I also acknowledge the negative issues about the young African American developing girls and give them a better understanding as to why negative behavior may be exhibited and also, how white girls 'play this up' and use this to their advantage. I try to show them the long range damage of not understanding their world so that they can make better choices when they are faced with these issues.

All in all, I have developed a balance in my life about inter-racial relationships and, I actually like to see healthy inter-relationships because I think it strengthens our humaness in this world. I believe my healthy viewpoints about life helps my sons appreciate the good and the bad in women and also helps them to understand and appreciate their own race of women too. They know too though, how much I love to see cute little black girls. And they know that I am stuck on the African American manhood. Black men can be so beautiful. They are number one.

[darkwing69]

I think you shouldnt be to overly concerned right off the bat. Be glad that he is not doing wrong and he is doing in good in school. Sometimes all we can do is guide our children in life and educate them about life, but there personal choices in life as far as who they are going to date is something they are going to have to deal with in their heart. If you try to sway him you may put a wedge between you and him which will push him further in that other direction. Just talk to him about women all types of women and tell him of the virtues, like honesty, respect, love so on and so forth. Sooner or later he will find the one for him, but regardless of who she is he is only going to be happy if he has your approval.

[serene]

This could be for many reasons. And just a side.....how old is he....might make a lil easier to understand.

But Black women and white women are different. Lets be real. We just are. I'm gonna say this all out of assumption. It could be that you displayed such strength and independence that, maybe it sort of scares him. I sometimes find that some guys find that SOME guys find it as threatening. I don't know why. I'm a student, and i can find a guy my age that recognizes this just me. I am a lil aggressive, and i'm independent. I grew with one parent, (mother), and so i am a certain way. It doesn't mean i want a white guy, it just means, that the guys I come in to contact with, just can't handle me. The funny thing is, i can be great friends with these guys, but just friends.

On the other hand, it can alllll just be a phase. If he's not use to being around different people, its probably a fascination. Maybe a temp one. only time will tell. Just from personal experience, most of my guy friends, who got into "beckys" durign the early teen phase, I've never known them to be with a black girl.. So its hard to say.

[InnerCityRose]

I'm hoping that this is a phase he is going through or it's because of the girls he has access to in the area or in school. My son who now 18 went through that phase when he was much younger...the whole blond hair blue eyed thing. For whatever reason now he seems to be attracted to hispanic/dominican girls. Seems to be his preference at the moment but he has an older brother (from dad) who prefers that also, so I am thinking that maybe he is taking his cues from him.

Anyway, I would just do as I do and continue to have open conversations with him about this subject and let him know that all black girls are not bossy, agressive etc. and that he should keep an open mind and not close that door. Sometimes these brothers close the door and never look back.