Worried about my eldest son

[Jewels0479]

I have a brother who is into dating interracially. I must say that it bothers me and in all honesty, I see it as sign of weakness. I am not saying this without having experience with several other black men who date women of other races. I currently live in an area where there is a lot of interacial dating. I have always had the mindset of "to each his own", "if he wants her, he definitely won't want me", "who you are attracted to is who you are attracted to" and other very passive approaches to confronting a sensitive issue. However, it has been my experience that the majority of black men who date women of other races have issues with regards to strong black women. By strong I don't mean the hand on the hip, finger waving in your face, loud, opinionated, neckrolling "strenght" that is portrayed in the media or you see in some black women. I mean a woman who is confident, intelligent, strongminded and comfortable with who she is. Oh, and God forbid she be dark skinned! (Yes, I'm speaking of myself.) I think that as someone else mentioned earlier in this thread that society has made it very hard for black men to feel good about black women. Just as it has made it hard for black women to feel good about black men. There is a feeling of having arrived or validation that they think that they gain through dating women of other races. I now see black men who date women of other races as a slap in the face. Not because they choose to date others but because they totally ignore black women. It says a lot about how we are perceived in society. I think that these men are sellouts. Now, there are some black men who fall in love with someone of a different race by chance and that is just that. These people tend to not treat black women like the plague.

I also know some white girls who date black men exclusively. They CRAVE only them. One actually called me one night to tell me that she was with a black guy who said that he doesn't date black girls because he doesn't think that they are "hot". That hurt me as a black woman to know that a black man would say that to a white woman about us.

Also, I have also noticed that many of the hispanic men in my area date white women. They also see it as a sign of status and actually are offended if you ask if they speak Spanish. They want to assimilate so badly that they water down and reject who they are.

I think that pressuring your son to date only black girls would be detrimental. I would try and involve him in something extracurricular that puts him around intelligent, wellrounded black kids. This would allow him to see that there are some black girls out there who are like him and he may bond with them.

[Its Ok 2 B Quiet]

Interesting thread. My middle son started off liking and only dating hispanic and/or white girls in middle school/early HS. At somepoint, he switched up and dates only black girls and says he prefers them.

Now my oldest (18yrs old) blossomed late. He had his first girlfriend last year! But he always expressed his desire to only date a "sister" and that he didn't want to go outside of his race. He said the girls at his school only liked "knuckleheads" and it was hard to find one. They do go to school where it is mostly hispanic, asian & white with small amount of blacks. His uncles/aunts on dad's side have either white/hispanic mates and he felt like they dated "them" cause they couldn't handle a sister.

Well he 360'd (in more ways than one) and started dating this philipino girl a few months ago. He acts like he's lost his mind and has been acting real ignorant - so much that a conversation took place that he needed to pull it in, or there would be a problem. Nope he's not even having sex yet! I am hoping he will snap out of it and connect to who he is because it seems this one is having a little identity issue.

[elmb]

I am a mother of two sons, one old enough to date and the other too young and the sister of 3 brothers, needless to say I have testosterone all around me. All 3 of my brothers date white girls and you know what? They use them all...

These grown women buy cell phones, co-sign on apartments, gives them money and my brothers just go from one of them to the next. They all have honestly said once they are tired of playing around, then they will choose a sister to marry. It sounds disgusting, but it is totally true.

[ole_boi]

he's 12 and he's going to go through many changes. where you live may also play a part in him liking white girls. i've dated black, white, asian, and hispanic and it's never been because i couldn't deal with a "sista". it's more about who I cross paths with...it's not any more to it than that.

[The Dragon]

Originally Posted by serene

This could be for many reasons. And just a side.....how old is he....might make a lil easier to understand.

But Black women and white women are different. Lets be real. We just are. I'm gonna say this all out of assumption. It could be that you displayed such strength and independence that, maybe it sort of scares him. I sometimes find that some guys find that SOME guys find it as threatening. I don't know why. I'm a student, and i can find a guy my age that recognizes this just me. I am a lil aggressive, and i'm independent. I grew with one parent, (mother), and so i am a certain way. It doesn't mean i want a white guy, it just means, that the guys I come in to contact with, just can't handle me. The funny thing is, i can be great friends with these guys, but just friends.

On the other hand, it can alllll just be a phase. If he's not use to being around different people, its probably a fascination. Maybe a temp one. only time will tell. Just from personal experience, most of my guy friends, who got into "beckys" durign the early teen phase, I've never known them to be with a black girl.. So its hard to say.

Men are intimidated by me also for the same reasons. Although I am more passive aggressive I am definitely independent; Maybe too much so. I believe this is a turn off to men, period.

I am so glad I don't have any sons cause I would not tolerate interracial dating. No excuses.

[poeticasylum1]

You know the evolution of a human being is such a personal thing. You dont take attraction as some "phase" thing. We all make preferences one way or another. You can instill in your child the beauty of your people. Yet, you cant force that child to make decisions that will injure your relationship down the road. Sometimes, you just have to let your child go down that road for themselves to see, observe and analyze. If you are training your child then that training will manifest itself one way or another. The point is, instead of worrying about who your child finds attractive. Make sure that his focus is on accomplishing the tasks set before him, graduating and indentifying goals and making strides to hit those goals. If you have worked hard to set a good example before him, place your confidence in that. There is no need to worry about that if you have done your job. Lighten up, he is just a child. If anything, instruct your son on the laws of manipulation and how to prevent being manipulated by any woman or man for that matter in life. One of the greatest gifts a human being can possess is discernment. It is the difference between making good choices and bad ones. People fail in this area too often and something is natural as choosing relationships are key. If you are doing your job, trust that your son will do his. You want the best for your son. Any parent does. Just remember that at the end of the day, it his choice. Just believe, equip, instruct and allow his progression as a human being to take place. Just because he is leaning towards white girls today, doesnt mean he will do so in the future.

[The Dragon]

Originally Posted by poeticasylum1

You know the evolution of a human being is such a personal thing. You dont take attraction as some "phase" thing. We all make preferences one way or another. You can instill in your child the beauty of your people. Yet, you cant force that child to make decisions that will injure your relationship down the road. Sometimes, you just have to let your child go down that road for themselves to see, observe and analyze. If you are training your child then that training will manifest itself one way or another. The point is, instead of worrying about who your child finds attractive. Make sure that his focus is on accomplishing the tasks set before him, graduating and indentifying goals and making strides to hit those goals. If you have worked hard to set a good example before him, place your confidence in that. There is no need to worry about that if you have done your job. Lighten up, he is just a child. If anything, instruct your son on the laws of manipulation and how to prevent being manipulated by any woman or man for that matter in life. One of the greatest gifts a human being can possess is discernment. It is the difference between making good choices and bad ones. People fail in this area too often and something is natural as choosing relationships are key. If you are doing your job, trust that your son will do his. You want the best for your son. Any parent does. Just remember that at the end of the day, it his choice. Just believe, equip, instruct and allow his progression as a human being to take place. Just because he is leaning towards white girls today, doesnt mean he will do so in the future.

She don't have to accept his interracial dating while he is living up under her roof. What happened to morals and values? If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything....

His dating and attraction to white women has more implications simply than that of a choice.

[poeticasylum1]

Originally Posted by The Dragon

She don't have to accept his interracial dating while he is living up under her roof. What happened to morals and values? If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything....

His dating and attraction to white women has more implications simply than that of a choice.

Is there immorality in finding a white girl attractive? As far as value goes, do you think the kid is thinking about that? LMAO. Come on are you serious. Its a kid. You are right about she doesnt have to accept interracial dating under her roof. Yet, how many times did a kid wait until they were free to do something they were told they were forbidden to do? They run right to it like a fish to water. If you read my post, then you notice that I simply told her to instruct, and let the child evolve and he will make his decision and it will be a sound one. Does anyone trust children anymore? If you guide and nuture then life will take care of itself. Those of us who have native american blood, white blood, asian blood in our blood lines going to curse greatgrandma and grandpa for their decisions? Lastly, you make it seem that dude has a string of whitegirls outside his house lining up. It may be one girl, two at the most. Whomever is around, many times is who you date. Are we going to curse mama for living in a suburb that may have a higher ratio of whites as oppose to blacks. We dont know the specifics. All Im saying is to the mother is to continue to train, believe, inspire and he will make a good decision on who to date.

[The Dragon]

Originally Posted by poeticasylum1

Is there immorality in finding a white girl attractive? As far as value goes, do you think the kid is thinking about that? LMAO. Come on are you serious. Its a kid. You are right about she doesnt have to accept interracial dating under her roof. Yet, how many times did a kid wait until they were free to do something they were told they were forbidden to do? They run right to it like a fish to water. If you read my post, then you notice that I simply told her to instruct, and let the child evolve and he will make his decision and it will be a sound one. Does anyone trust children anymore? If you guide and nuture then life will take care of itself. Those of us who have native american blood, white blood, asian blood in our blood lines going to curse greatgrandma and grandpa for their decisions? Lastly, you make it seem that dude has a string of whitegirls outside his house lining up. It may be one girl, two at the most. Whomever is around, many times is who you date. Are we going to curse mama for living in a suburb that may have a higher ratio of whites as oppose to blacks. We dont know the specifics. All Im saying is to the mother is to continue to train, believe, inspire and he will make a good decision on who to date.

Yadda, yadda, woo, woo, woo...

Like I said, she should not allow interracial dating while he is under her roof if she has a problem with it. Of course kids try to sneak and do as they please; Does this mean we should not set rules and boundaries for them just because they may sneak and do it anyway?

Wow!! a 16 year old is not expected to have any values because he is "just a kid"... I have always known that the fruit do not fall to far from the tree.

What does this post have to do with having some other ethnicities blood running through your veins? What does this have to do with what yo great grandma was forced to do and what yo greatgrandpa did??

Next time, stay on the subject.

[poeticasylum1]

Originally Posted by The Dragon

Yadda, yadda, woo, woo, woo...

Like I said, she should not allow interracial dating while he is under her roof if she has a problem with it. Of course kids try to sneak and do as they please; Does this mean we should not set rules and boundaries for them just because they may sneak and do it anyway?

Wow!! a 16 year old is not expected to have any values because he is "just a kid"... I have always known that the fruit do not fall to far from the tree.

What does this post have to do with having some other ethnicities blood running through your veins? What does this have to do with what yo great grandma was forced to do and what yo greatgrandpa did??

Next time, stay on the subject.

Uh I see somebody is reading. Lighten up Dragon. Now to answer your questions, yes a kid should have values at 16, but the values of a 16 should change by the time they hit say 30. As far as my point about other groups being apart a of a person's make up, who says all of those groups forced anyone to do anything? Last time I check, only whitemen were guilty of that. As far you telling me to stay on subject, i did. I just approached it in a different way. I simply gave some advice. Now since you are the content police of this here forum.... excuse me, I just all were allowed to give their opinion .... *remembers why he stop posting at AC, things like this* stay on the subject huh....