Issues With My Middle Son

[Its Ok 2 B Quiet]

I'll give it a try. Thank you s8loud.

[s8loud]

You are very welcome. :)

[Proudbrothaman]

I'm the middle child, my brother is two years older and my sister is about five years younger. Being the middle child is a major challenge that no one can really feel unless they have been there. Your not the first born, who your constantly compared to. I know you've asked why can't you be like your older sibling before. Your also not the youngest, the baby. Which by the way is another comparison, statments like your sister/brother is only (whatever age) and they got better sense then you. It like your damned if you do damned if you don't. So a lot of times (myself included) middle children tend to do things to create their own place in the household. Unfortunatly being the "bad" kid is a indentity most of us choose. It's our own world and it gives us that all important attention that we seem to think we weren't getting before. Being the bad kid spins out of control for a lot of kids.I don't have to mention the potential traps out there we all know what they are. I'll say this though brotha B. Quite; get a hold on the situation now. At 33 I just started working on a relationship with my mother because of how I felt she treated me different back then. In fact she did treat me different but not because of the reasons I wanted to believe but because i was f***ing up all the time.

[Its Ok 2 B Quiet]

Hi Proud,

First "thank you" for your input. Second I am a female.

What you've said has some truth to it. My oldest stays on point with little supervision (he is lazy on certain things though) and my youngest does act a bit more mature than my middle son. We did sit down and have a talk about things. I apologized to him for making him feel that he didn't matter to me and not nuturing him like his older brother. I explained that by him not talking and telling me what he did want, made it a bit hard to encourage him. We just had a talk about things. I found that the mentoring program his brother is involved in is something that likes and is happy to be participating in.

You have the members who are professionals and the other young men are doing well, which I hope will rub off on him.

That last sentence says somethings. Did you think your mom was treating you differently because she didn't love you? That's why I handle my son the way I do - he f**ks up and I am trying to stay in his a**. But I did forget to give him the support to help him figure out what he wants to do with his life when he became a man.

[Proudbrothaman]

I did feel she didn't have the same love for me that she had for my siblings, at that time it made sense that it was because she didn't love me. Of course looking back I know it wasn't the complete truth. I know I caused most of the problems but you try and tell a 14-18 year old that their the problem!!

Oh yeah sorry about that whole Brotha B Quite thing, sista

[Its Ok 2 B Quiet]

That's ok. I know what your saying because even when I try to explain certain things to him, its like he still doesn't get it. While we were talking, I did ask him if he felt I loved his brother more than him. He did say that at times he felt that way. I do have a pretty good relationship with my oldest son - we're close. I just gotta build a relationship with him too that is just ours.

[Proudbrothaman]

Sounds like you got it together sister. I know that this my be crossing the line but is the dad around?

[Its Ok 2 B Quiet]

He's around but just never been a participant in raising his sons. That's why I have them in the mentoring program so that they can get somethings they need from a man's perspective.