Did I Overeact?

[jacqui]

The stopping and going outside is to keep your butt out of jail man, I mean really who else here is going to pick the Saints every week if you are locked up. lol.

Just be cool man.

[deej42]

yes i believe you over acted but it was necessary. the fact that u discussed it after you got out of the store and were able to calm down is a good thing. yes kids push you to the limit but we must always keep our cool. its a good thing his mother supported you if not things could have turned out differently.

i just pray things work out for and your family...

[Mr Gumbo]

Originally Posted by jacqui

The stopping and going outside is to keep your butt out of jail man, I mean really who else here is going to pick the Saints every week if you are locked up. lol.

Just be cool man.

LMAO. Yeah I won't be doing that in public again.

[matrixone05]

Originally Posted by Nyela

I was thinking of this thread earlier and something came to mind. When my sister passed away, her youngest child and only girl was having a difficult time coping as was everyone else...but in a different way. She would act out in terrible ways. When approached about her behavior she would always say "I want my mommy." That would of course touch a tender spot and things usually calmed down immediately and after a little talk, we let it go.

After a few years of this, my mother was disciplining her about something and my niece said " I want my mommy." My mother, being the woman she is, said to my niece " I know you want your mommy...I want my daughter...but the fact that she is not here does not give me the right to be inappropriate and disrespectful to others. It also is not a green light to break the rules. She further said to her, if your mommy was here would she like the idea that you broke the rules and used her to get a pass on the behavior? My niece started crying and apologized. We never heard those words again. When she was having a hard time, she learned to say...I'm ok just missing mommy...and we would talk about it...She no longer used the death of her mom as an excuse for bad behavior.

I said all that to say this...Crutches are allowed when being broken is fresh and impossible to handle. But as the break begins to heal, the crutches aren't needed as much. And eventually they aren't needed at all. Maybe it's time to have a therapist teach you and your fiance how to wean the little man off of his crutches.
I hope I made sense...

That is a wonderful story and yet sad story. Thank you for sharing that. I love the way your mother put the truth in front of your neice to see. Your mother is wise indeed.

[matrixone05]

Originally Posted by Mr Gumbo

Thank yall for the advice and for not holding your tounges, I really appreciate it.

Now to clear up a few things. His mom signs pretty fluently(sp) so they can communicate pretty good. He reads lips very well and talking slowly he can understand fully but he can also play that role like he don't understand when he really just don't wanna listen to what you gotta say.

With him I just don't see how stopping and going outside would fix anything with him because he's gonna get worse and worse. There is history there with his mom of him yelling and almost striking her because he doesn't get his way. This was what this was all about, like I said he gets his way ALL the time with everything, her family deals with him being deaf by giving him EVERYTHING he wants. I know the difference between him speaking loudly and not knowing how loud he's speaking and yelling and screaming and he was definitly doing the later. After reading the responses, I think I did loose my cool and that's something I'm going to have to work on. I'm a real laid back don't bother nobody kind of person so when someone trys to handle me up that boy that grew up in the hood comes out of me. I'm not sorry what I did just sorry how it went about. Yall are also right I can't be in public handling kids rough regardless and it will be a miracle if that happens again in public but he will continue to try me because like I said he is used to his way and only his way.

I wish you all the best with blending your family. He sounds like he needs not only a strong presence (because life will definitely tell him no later and he needs to learn that) and some tough love, but a father as well. Sounds like he needs you. You are a man of morals and I must say I respect your attitude and love for both of them. Hats off to you.

[Mr Gumbo]

Originally Posted by Nyela

I was thinking of this thread earlier and something came to mind. When my sister passed away, her youngest child and only girl was having a difficult time coping as was everyone else...but in a different way. She would act out in terrible ways. When approached about her behavior she would always say "I want my mommy." That would of course touch a tender spot and things usually calmed down immediately and after a little talk, we let it go.

After a few years of this, my mother was disciplining her about something and my niece said " I want my mommy." My mother, being the woman she is, said to my niece " I know you want your mommy...I want my daughter...but the fact that she is not here does not give me the right to be inappropriate and disrespectful to others. It also is not a green light to break the rules. She further said to her, if your mommy was here would she like the idea that you broke the rules and used her to get a pass on the behavior? My niece started crying and apologized. We never heard those words again. When she was having a hard time, she learned to say...I'm ok just missing mommy...and we would talk about it...She no longer used the death of her mom as an excuse for bad behavior.

I said all that to say this...Crutches are allowed when being broken is fresh and impossible to handle. But as the break begins to heal, the crutches aren't needed as much. And eventually they aren't needed at all. Maybe it's time to have a therapist teach you and your fiance how to wean the little man off of his crutches.
I hope I made sense...

Thank you, yes you made alot of sense.

[Mr Gumbo]

Originally Posted by matrixone05

I wish you all the best with blending your family. He sounds like he needs not only a strong presence (because life will definitely tell him no later and he needs to learn that) and some tough love, but a father as well. Sounds like he needs you. You are a man of morals and I must say I respect your attitude and love for both of them. Hats off to you.

Thank you, yes he needs a man in his life that loves him enough to get in his asz when he's not doing right. I specialize in tough love with my own son and since we've been serious I've been doing the same to him. We have instructed her family to not spend alot of money for him for christmas because he has everything. His punk asz daddy has bought him a Playstation 2, XBox, Nintendo DS and now wants to buy him a PSP. All this in 2 years but he won't spend no time with him. He has been told he can buy the PSP but he has to keep it at his house for when his son visits him, this kid has everything and now EXPECTS everything and that will be stopping, from now on stuff will be earned with extra rewards throughout the journey. I love both of my boys and I only want the best for them both and my only goal is for both of them to be able to stand on their own 2 feet without me and if it means I got to be the so called "mean" 1 as my son puts it then so be it. Thank yall once again for the words, we are currently shopping for a therapist for us to see as a family which hopefully will help us.

[afrocentric]

mr gumbo, this bothers me.

He has been told he can buy the PSP but he has to keep it at his house for when his son visits him,

make sure you deal with him too.

His punk asz daddy has bought him a Playstation 2, XBox, Nintendo DS and now wants to buy him a PSP. All this in 2 years but he won't spend no time with him.

fathers like him buy their kids love. they think that it's a way of saying sorry or whatever. its also called brainwashing. i should know. i'm going thru that now.

[Its Ok 2 B Quiet]

I understand how you reacted the way you did. While I try not to deal with my children like that in public (obvious reasons), they are aware that if they show out in public that is where I will deal with them. If I don't want people all in my thing, I try to locate a corner or isolated dressing room to chew them out.

[Diva810]

I think you did the right thing, but you should have waited until you all got home. You just can't do things like that anymore because people will call CPS on you in a heartbeat for less than what most people dealt with in their childhood. Plus, now that they are trying outlaw even spanking children, it's just not smart to do it in public.