Sibling Rivalry

[000HONEY]

I was the only child, So I've never had to deal with sibling rivalry. So it's hard to understand it when it comes to my children.

I have 2 daughters 8yrs./17mos. & 2 sons 7yrs./5yrs.. My son, 5, really has a problem getting along with my daughter, 8. He gets really bothered by pretty much everything she does.

Sometimes she does tease him, like alot of siblings do to each other. My husband & I have talked to her about her teasing. But the lease little thing she does just seems to erk him terribly, even when it has nothing to do with him. He constantly hits her and I mean he hits her hard, as if he really really want to hurt her.

I have tried taking away the things he likes as a punishment, talking to him about is feeling towards her and how he deals with his anger. I have spanked him, but I realized that spanking him really ISN'T teaching him that hitting is wrong...& after doing all of the above, he still does it.

I notice that he is quick to defend her if someone else bothers her. There are times when they are getting along, but the bad seems to be outweighing the good.

HEEEELP!!!

Have you ever been through this with your siblings or your children?

[saraphen]

My children are all grown now, and they are the best of friends. But growing up, they couldn't stand to be together, and couldn't stand to be apart. It was like they thrived on the contention....maybe it prepared them to face the world.

It may be dumb advice, but I would say as long as they're not killing each other, ignore them as much as you can.....this too shall pass. You'll miss it so much once they're grown.

[Blak]

Fought with both my syblings at numerous points in my life. The many rivalry was between ages 13 and 17 when I felt that I was in my brothers shadow. The whole world seemed to love him and cast me off. I took that out on him till I realized he was not orchestrating the whole thing. There was a period in time I fought with my little sister....not physical....but huge arguments and anger and all that. We were really tight, but she grew and started comming into her own and we battled for a while...then it died off. I am cool with both my syblings now though.

Kids are gonna fight....you need to find out why your 5 year old is intimidated by his older sister and if he wants to be like, or fit in with her and is not able to. I am guessing it is something like that because the jelousy (lack of attention) thing seems to happen with a younger sybling that you feel mom and dad are treating better. He must feel like she does not like him or something......I dont know.

Blak

[Harmony]

You'll have to start punishing him in ways that matter most. Whatever it is that he loves to do, you will have to let it be what he has tp give up whenever he is out of line.

He may be wanting the attention from her and instead of making it seem like he does, he chooses to fight with her and do anything else that will insure some type of reaction from her.

Try talking to her and let her know that she is older and should therefore be attempting to display that in her dealings with him. I know she's not a heck of a lot older, but she is old enough to understand that her meddling and picking on him will not be tolerated either.

Tell her to turn the tables on his "aggression." The next time that he is striking out at her, tell her to invite him into her room so that she can read a book to him or to watch TV with him.

Once she's done that enough times and has him hooked, he's going to want to do all that he can to continue spending that kind of time with her. You could even start complimenting him on how well he's been behaving and allow him to earn a special reward for "being a big boy."

He's frustrated that he is no longer the 'baby' in the family, but your daughter's role will never change. She was your FIRST and no one can knock her out of her spot, whereas the younger sister did just that to him.

Try it out and give it time to sink it. It should be a lot more favorable for you. Best wishes with this. :)

[000HONEY]

I thank you all for responses

[Harmony]

Originally Posted by 000HONEY

I thank you all for responses

I pray that somewhere in between them, you'll find a little peace of mind. :)

[000HONEY]

Originally Posted by Harmony

I pray that somewhere in between them, you'll find a little peace of mind. :)

Thank you Harmony,

I hope so too.
It's so hard for me to deal with & see them fighting. But I will continue to work on this issue with them...& get my daughter to include him in some of her activities as you mentioned in your post earlier...that sounds like a very good solution.:)

[Java]

It's normal but please monitor it and not let it get out of hand. My elder brother would constantly beat up on my baby sister. I still recall her whiny voice saying "stop it G__g" "stop it." My mom didn't do enough in my opinion to stop him from picking on her.

And if I jumped in he would jump on me too. He was a bully. Anyway, it affected my sister. I won't go into details publicly. But had my mom intervened and got to the root of his anger I believe my sister would have been a different woman today.

Perhaps you can do some research online about sibling rivarly. Times and kids are different today. It's probably simply jealousy but don't take the constant fighting to lightly.

I wish you the best because I can imagine it's not easy.

[naskiecenye]

Hey thats what they do but let somebody in the streets mess with them and they will be right there having their backs girl dont worry about a thing

[000HONEY]

I thank you all for repling to my post:)