Blended Families

[Nyela]

Originally Posted by matrixone05

Nyela, she was the one that lost. Amazing how free and uplifting a child's love can be. Look at what she missed out on and sadly for her, she probably doesn't even know it.

Thank you Matrixone. You're right. Children give love so freely. She certainly missed a treat.

[Lediamand]

Well thats a delicate situation that most men would try to avoid so I give you props for wanting to stepping up to the plate. You just have to do some homework about your step son. Since he is deaf you're going to have learn like many people said sign language and all. The most important thing is that you make sure you are a father figure to him like you are to your own son. You can't worry about his punk father, because you are not doing it for him but for your family. As long the kid is living with you have to provide, care and teach him like you do your own. Great communication with your wife is a must and you have to be open minded about learning new things to better the family chemistry and keep things running smooth, well thats a man job . Good luck bro.

[robbboy2003]

Originally Posted by ardamus

If your stepson's father cannot be a real father besides send child support, then you step up to the plate and be that male figure in his life. That child did not asked to be born and I know his father knows that. Its good that he sends the child support but, seriously, spending time with the child would mean a whole lot to him.

I've never been married but, my sister just recently got married, had a kid, and "surprised" me with it all. I was pissed at first (because of how it was all done) but now, I'm over it. I'd say as long as you keep your family in the loop with important things like moving, having kids, and etc., it will be ok. With me, my sister went fast-paced with it to the point, I didn't know what to expect. So, that's my advice from someone who is related to another family now.

Very, well said young man!

[Mr Gumbo]

Originally Posted by Samoon

Although not a parent myself, I DO commend you for, "stepping up your game AND stepping up to the plate." Life has a way of knocking one on their arse..whatever this child's father has coming to him? Kharma is a bitch.
SPIRIT has said, "do not mess with one of MINE, this child is Spirit's....let Spirit do the work. Curiously, what are the ages of the two boys? The most crucial components for a blended family I think are that (1) parents are both of ONE accord and have many discussions prior to stating, "I do," for example, parenting and (2) ALL embraces a spiritual realm.

My very best to all of you!

My son is 7 and her son is 12. We are good, although I don't know sign language we communicate pretty good but I know I have to learn sign language that's a must.

Thanks to all for the kind words but I don't deserve any props for something I'm supposed to do. It's sad that I even get props for doing my job and women been doing it forever and a day.

[Da Flash]

Originally Posted by matrixone05

I've lived in a blended family as a child and as an adult 2 of mine, 1 of his.

My recommendations are:

The adults have to be in the same place mentally with this so you both should sit down and make sure you agree on rules, discipline, spirituality, etc.

I hate the term "step" so we never said stepchildren or stepmother/father.
If someone asked me how I had a son so old (he's 8 years older than my daughter and was 18 when I married his father), I answered that he was my "gift" child. My husband never explained my children because most people assumed they were his.

My "gift" child never lived with us, but knew he was an intrigual part of my family.

My children were never allowed to disrespect my husband, or their father's wife. They were told before either of us remarried that it would not be allowed or accepted.

If we disagreed about something the other did with the children or how a situation was handled, the adult was not contridicted in front of the children and the matter was discussed in private later.

My best advice is, for each of you to love those children and to treat them like they belong to you. Because they do.

From the voice of experience good and bad, listen to this advice!! I'd have paid a years salary for it 15 years ago!!

[The Dragon]

Originally Posted by Mr Gumbo

I'm about to get married soon and the new family will be a blended 1. We are both single parents with sons. Her son's father is a punk asz man who doesn't want anything to do with his son because he's deaf. He sends child support on time and everything but spending time he ain't interested. My son's mother died 4 years ago so it's been just me and him. This is just a background of my situation but anybody out there got any stories (good or bad), tips or any suggestions for me on blending 2 seperate families into 1?

I also suggest pre-marital couseling. I hear it works miracles for couples!!

[Mr Gumbo]

Originally Posted by The Dragon

I also suggest pre-marital couseling. I hear it works miracles for couples!!

Yeah we are gonna do that. She believes in seeing shrinks and all that.

Originally Posted by Mr Gumbo

As far as my soon to be step son I've already stepped into that role. I wouldn't of asked her to marry me without spending time with her son, her spending time with my son and all of us spending time together. If you knew me I'm very slow with feelings of MY heart so for me to get to the point of marriage I've explored every possible angle. LOL. I've told her she should take him to court and get the child support increased, she's being nice right now. If he don't wanna spend time then make him pay or ask him to sign over his rights and I will adopt him. We shall see about that.

You Sir are what I call a man's man and a credit to our race. I do not have a family yet but you will be an example how to not only inherit responsibilty but to assume it, thank you for creating one more strong Black family.

[robbboy2003]

Originally Posted by Mr Gumbo

Yeah we are gonna do that. She believes in seeing shrinks and all that.

I can understand,if you were,or skeptical about this. Personally, i felt like i could handle my bis without outside help. I know better now. I could have been better sooner,and my lady could have too. I am strongly pointing out the err of my ways to the young ones left in the house,and to the other ones not married yet.

You want to do the right thing,and that's truly more than half the battle right there. Peace!

[CaramelLady]

Make sure you and your wife are >Here< in regard to parenting style and overall views. Be a unit regardless of the child you're addressing at the time and allow no individual parent manipulation. I have an 11-YO stepson that we raised from ages 3 to 6 in our home before he returned to live his mom. I had to go through the motions and deal with the emotions of him leaving while I was pregnant with my blood child. Our sons are now four and 11 and they simply adore one another and we are one family. They know that whatever parent A says parent B will validate.