Do Black And White People Raise Their Kids Differently

[It's Meeee]

Originally Posted by Blak

This makes sense in a way....but white people are religious too. Many blacks have simply tired of relying on the church for everything. On can have a perfectly moral upbringing and go to soccer instead of church on sunday. There are some things that have been lost. We got people living the suburbn life spending more time at work and commuting to and from work than being with their families. We got people letting TV raise kids. Those are major...but to hang it on religion and pretend that one race is more religious than the other, and to think going to church does anything to raise kids right more than a caring parent is wrong in my book.

My father never set foot in church, my mother used to take us, but as time went by, none of us went anymore.....my last time was at age 15 and we have been raised with good values. All the good things I learned came from my parents and not the church or school. I feel it is up to black parents, not a book, church or school, to raise the kids.

Anyways, this is off topic, I just wanted to say that there are some assumptions in your post as much as overall it makes sense. To each their own though. :wink:

Blak

Hey blak, it may be off-topic but it's interesting commentary. How would you feel about doing a post in the 'spirituality' section on your reservations towards religion? Your reservations come clearly through your post and I think it would make a good, enlightening subject matter to hear why.

[DBlack]

Without a doubt. I think that's obvious in the way white and black kids behave.

There are good and bads on both sides, to be real about it.

[matrixone05]

I think we used to. I can look back at my children and as they got older, I realized there were things that I allowed them to gradually get away with (their mouths) that I would have never been allowed to do. I hated being told "Because I said so, when I was a child, so I decided that was the one thing I wouldn't do with my children. I would explain why and all would be well.

Yeah right, I later told all my friends that "I said so" was the ticket. What I did was teach my children the ability to debate, argue and try to find reasons why what I said wasn't the only option.

After one particularly lengthy heated debate with my son, who I was ready to make a toothless teenager, his father said to me..."What in the hell is wrong with you mothers, its like you are afraid of hurting your kids feelings. They don't give a damn about yours. Knock the s**t out of him, end the conversation and move on." What an ephiphany. I didn't realize it before, but he had pretty much hit the nail on the head. I was wishing he had swung that hammer at me years earlier.

[afrocentric]

i didn't get to read the whole thread. so i'll just say this.. i'm agreeing with Matrix. there are things that I allowed my kids to gradually get away with also. (thier mouth, too).

and to answer the question to this thread.. i'm going with dblack. it all depends on the parents perspective.

[Baba Ahmed]

Yes much does depend on parents in rearing their children. If that was only thing involved, the discussion is closed.

But what does a parent depend on?

I'd argue that yes Black/Afrikan people do have different views than europeans that're used in child rearing. From what's called, "Worldviews." One major factor in our practices is a lack of knowing and believing that such exists.

Remember Les McCann's recording: "Compared to what?" Until we recognize that comparatively there're differences, there will be confusions in understanding why we think, speak and act as we do. Most of us here, methink, are of Afrikan descent who're living in a virtually totally controlled by European Cultural thought and behavior.

[Great Ursus]

My kids and their friends call me a throwback, because I expect them to have respect and to put their home-training (what little there seems to be for some) on display. One of my girls friends was giving a teacher grief once and when she looked up to see me, you could hear tires screeching to a halt. When I saw her later, I sat her on my porch steps, locked arms with her and told her she was better than that and that to fight the system meant to make gains with her life, not to show how defiant she could be.
"They expect you to act like an animal" I told her, like I also tell my kids.

This was what I saw my mother do and when she died, I saw kids from my distant past who thanked me for her love and concern.

[sugar_sugar]

First reply to a post, I hope I mke sense..

I have to say YESSSSSSS there is a HUGE difference. As a member of a Parenting site that is overwhelmingly White, I see so many things that make me want to scream or slap someone. From growing up and the other board, White people (and women in particular) always want to please. They want to placate. They want to make others feel loved and supported and good about themselves.

Now don't get me wrong, these are good things to do. But White women do it at their own expense, and to the detriment of the person recieving their "services". For example, they say "I want my 2 year old to feel like he is important, so I let him tell me what he needs and I do it". WHAT? It's a 2 year old! THey don't know what they need! Or maybe they say "I never let my 6 month old baby cry... there's no way I could spoil her." Well no, maybe she's not "spoiled" per se, but you are setting up an expectation that when she says jump, your feet leave the floor, no questions asked.

I truly believe that White women are so caught up in being their child's friend (so the child will know they are loved) that they fail to realize that friends are not what children need. They need guidance, structure, rules, consequences... things that allow them to function outside of mommy's loving embrace.

I do think that some Black women though take things to the opposite extreme- imposing so many restrictions and witholding love until their children are crippled emotionally and socially.

[Baba Ahmed]

May I (a husband, father, grandfather) suggest that much of our confusions re child rearing arises bcause we lack general knowledges of our own cultures: ancient, traditional and today's. So we're left to sift through what's taught to everybody involved in schools, churches and of course the mass media along with its "cute" commercials that appear "funny" or ridiculous.

There has to be major differences of child rearing philosophies and methods simply bcause we come from different historical worldviews. American institutional teachings are structured to make it appear as if there's only one: their's.

Taint so.

One example, I've seen at various online forum sites raging arguments for and against whipping, punishing a child. Yet when asked, i.e., Black folk, to point to one Afrikan society who did/does not whip their children? Silence is the reply.

Like wars by Afrikan nations (when they had military might) were established to bring a society back into balance. A child who is taught by default to do whatever she or he pleases? Is outta balance. No one can do that w/o consequences. Even the leaders of this military powerful nation.

Re modern times in the U.S. of Anglos, I've long held that the likes of a Maria Montessori and Dr. Wm Spock have largely influenced child rearing in Amerikkka.

[RealTalk3000]

The difference is, we black folk respect our folks more than white folks do, but we do the most crimes and drugs which is a big problem. But as white kids get older they are already set for life by their parents, even though most are spoiled brats. they dont have to respect their parents but they still get ahead in life.

[MadameX]

Originally Posted by Baba Ahmed

May I (a husband, father, grandfather) suggest that much of our confusions re child rearing arises bcause we lack general knowledges of our own cultures: ancient, traditional and today's. So we're left to sift through what's taught to everybody involved in schools, churches and of course the mass media along with its "cute" commercials that appear "funny" or ridiculous.

There has to be major differences of child rearing philosophies and methods simply bcause we come from different historical worldviews. American institutional teachings are structured to make it appear as if there's only one: their's.

Taint so.

One example, I've seen at various online forum sites raging arguments for and against whipping, punishing a child. Yet when asked, i.e., Black folk, to point to one Afrikan society who did/does not whip their children? Silence is the reply.

Like wars by Afrikan nations (when they had military might) were established to bring a society back into balance. A child who is taught by default to do whatever she or he pleases? Is outta balance. No one can do that w/o consequences. Even the leaders of this military powerful nation.

Re modern times in the U.S. of Anglos, I've long held that the likes of a Maria Montessori and Dr. Wm Spock have largely influenced child rearing in Amerikkka.

Valid point about the redundancy of this type of forum questions.