Parents who raised girls.....HELP! - AfroChat - African American

LadyDivine · July 14th, 2006, 05:41 PM

My Princess (16 yrs old in a month) had a hickey on her neck..........
I am so not ready for this yall!!!

...and yes we have had all the sex talks and I keep a supply of pregnancy tests next to the sanitary products.

Although, birth control will be provided only upon request.

HOW DID YALL HANDLE THIS??????

Sumyr · July 14th, 2006, 06:05 PM

Lady D - First, remain calm. Having open dialogue with your daughter is great and you have already established that. But I am a little leary regarding the "birth control available upon request" method. Most teens are embarrassed to talk to their parents regarding sexual issues and anything related to their bodies. I would place her on some form of birth control just to be safe.

It is obvious she hasn't been entirely forth coming with information as she has a "passion mark" on her neck. So, don't leave it to chance that she will come to you should she "need" birth control. I know it is a tough fact to face, but she is growing up and hormones are raging. By placing her on birth control and providing condoms isn't giving her permission to have sex, but protection incase she chooses to.

Don't make her another stastic because you feel that by placing her on birth control/providing condoms that you are giving in. Just think how much worse you will feel if she comes home and says she is pregnant or worse has a disease - AIDS even.

Good luck with this!!!

EDITED TO ADD: I was wondering why you kept pregnancy tests on hand? You said you keep some next to the sanitary products. If you keep these on hand for her, it must mean that you already knew she was sexually active or along those lines. So my next question is why keep the tests on hand but not place her on birth control? Why leave it up to her to decide if she should be on birth control when chances are "YOU" will be raising "her and the baby" should she get pregnant?

As Barney Fife would say - "nip it in the bud" & now. :)

Corals · July 14th, 2006, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sumyr

By placing her on birth control and providing condoms isn't giving her permission to have sex, but protection incase she chooses to.

It is like giving a child a loaded gun to take to school and telling her you are not giving her permission to use it, but it might come in handy. :whistling

That is all I have to say. I do not get involve in parent/child issues.

Samoon · July 14th, 2006, 08:21 PM

Not sure if this will work for you, but I have suggested to other parents to do what I suggested to my sibs/their husbands---I asked them if they felt comftable taking my nieces to "sit in" on rap sessions that one of my sista-friends facilitates. The rap "circles" included teens and young women that talk about topics of their changing bodies and feelings to young sistas that unfortunately became mothers and their experience. Listening to varying experiences may or may not deter sexual activity and unwanted pregnancies. Self-esteem and peer pressure are running "neck to neck" during these exploring, changing years. As parents, everything possible should be done to empower our teens, boost their self-esteem and make them aware that they have a good support system in their parent(s).

RaInEdomThoughtz · July 14th, 2006, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyDivine

My Princess (16 yrs old in a month) had a hickey on her neck..........
I am so not ready for this yall!!!

...and yes we have had all the sex talks and I keep a supply of pregnancy tests next to the sanitary products.

Although, birth control will be provided only upon request.

HOW DID YALL HANDLE THIS??????

Lady D, I havent gotten there yet, so I dont have much to offer by way of experience. As a parent though, I think all you can do is talk to her. Just keep in mind, if you can remember, what you were doing at her age. I remember my mom never talked to me about sex, her solution was always "Dont do it and if you do dont get pregnant" But I had an aunt AND an uncle who talked to me, even though I didnt want to hear it at the time, but when I was put in the situation, I remembered how they had schooled me, especially my uncles wisdom on male habits. My point is, talk to her, she may not want to hear it, but she'll remember it. And I dont necessarily think its a bad idea that you will be willing to provide the birth control, I just dont think it should be something thats offered before making sure she understands how precious and IRREVERSIBLE giving her virginity is. Most importantly, I dont think you should attack her with accusations, try to maintain an open relationship, because if she doesnt hear pertinent things from you she'll hear it from her friends, which is not the best source (i.e. The streets will teach her if you dont!) Thats about all I can offer. I hope it works out for you. And pray for me as well, because Ill be there soon enough. :)

LadyDivine · July 17th, 2006, 11:57 AM

Thanks for all your comments.

We have a good relationship and joked about the hickey. I reminded her if she was planning on taking the heavy petting to the next level and need birth control it was covered by her health insurance and to let me know. End of story. I don't browbeat.

She has been through a "True Love Waits" abstinence program at church. She has been taught the pitfalls of the negative side of premature sexual activity.

I would not put her on any birth control, I want her to determine the need for protection and then ask for it whether its from me or another adult family member.

Sumyr,
The pregnancy tests are subtle reminders of what not having a monthly means.

RaInEdomThoughtz,
I feel ya. You are in my prayers.

robbboy2003 · July 17th, 2006, 12:22 PM

Lady Devine You know your baby. You can put her in as many supervised activities as you can. You can continue to talk to your princess,and you can let her know why,because you love and care about her so.

It sounds like you're close,and that's really all we can do once they get up there is talk,and hopefully she will learn from others mistakes.

Bless you!

jimihaze · August 12th, 2006, 04:08 PM

I agree with samoon about the rap session. I would also have her dad talk to her about it as well to get a man's input and take on it. I would also ask her how she feels about birth control and her take on it. I would take her to see how teen mothers are coping with beening a teen parent. I would ask her how she felt about volunteering at places like that I would also have the STD talk again. This can be done with teenage males also. I don't have a sixteen year old my kid is younger but this what I am doing now. it is never to early.