Is this bad parenting? - AfroChat - African American

isistah · April 29th, 2006, 09:16 AM

I was on a local city bus yesterday (I don't want to get into "why", I was just there, ok!) and saw an incident that kind of amazed me.

There was an elderly white guy sitting in one the first seats (the ones designated for the elderly and handicapped), when a young couple got on the bus with two toddlers in tow. They looked to be, maybe, two years old.
The bus is getting crowded, so the parents stand and put the two kids in one seat next to the old man.

For 10 minutes, the kids do not sit down. They are standing in the seat, looking out the window and are climbing all over the old man and young woman (black) in the seat on the other side of them. I'm thinking, 'boy, it's not safe for those kids to be standing in the seat like that', and I'm wondering why the mom doesn't tell them to sit down. When the old man suddenly says, "Could you please get this child off of me?"

Well, the mother looks shocked. And says, "Well, she just a baby. She ain't hurtin' you." The old man says "She's climbing all over me, she's almost sitting in my lap." And she was. And he asks the mother did she want to sit there.

At that point, the father starts to curse the old man out and I really thought he was going to hit him. The old man gets up out the seat and stands up behind the driver while the mother calms the dad down. At that point, the parents sit and hold the kids on their laps and mother starts chastising and threatening the little girl with a spanking for sqirming around on her lap (?!)

Ather people on the bus were making comments like "She just a baby, my God", and telling the father "Don't sweat it, man", "it ain't worth it", "it takes all kinds to make a world"; in other words, sympathizing with the parents. While I felt that parents were wrong, wrong, wrong!

My mom would've slapped the taste out of your mouth if she saw you disrepect any adult in any way. At that age, they didn't need to be slapped, just told to sit and leave the man alone. It was all right for them to annoy the old man, but the mother didn't want them annoying HER. I mean I know, they were "just babies", but they were old enough to learn how to behave in public. That's something that has to be taught at a young age. When do they plan on starting?

Or maybe it's just me.

charliekilothree · April 29th, 2006, 02:49 PM

Bad parenting? I see it as no parenting at all in this case. The elderly man should not have to endure that treatment in the first place. The way I see it children only do what you let them get away with.

saraphen · April 29th, 2006, 04:31 PM

From what you described, it sounds wrong, wrong, wrong to me too. Maybe they were taking issue with the white man for just being on "their" bus. It doesn't sound like he did anything to deserve that.

isistah · April 29th, 2006, 04:40 PM

Whew! It's not just me! Thanx for the comments, y'all.
If anyone out there feels the parents were correct in their behavior, I'd like to hear your comments too. I'd like to understand it.

lapsdad · April 29th, 2006, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charliekilothree

Bad parenting? I see it as no parenting at all in this case. The elderly man should not have to endure that treatment in the first place. The way I see it children only do what you let them get away with.

This is how I see it too. Charity begins at home and so do manners. Home training reflects in the streets, children do what ever they want when noone tries to stop them or correct them. I know a mom who doesn't like to reprimand her 3yr old daughter cause she don't want to hurt her feelings...hurt them she will get over it.

JamieC · April 29th, 2006, 09:00 PM

That's why parents should nip it in the bud early. Apparently those kids were used to jumping all over the place at home so mommie and daddy probably thought it was ok to do the same thing on the bus. I can't stand bad arse children.

deej42 · April 29th, 2006, 09:14 PM

the parenets were definitely wrong...this shows the parents do not have any control over there children...the need a parenting class....if this is what the kids do know just imagine what they are going to do later on in life....

April 30th, 2006, 12:01 AM

I honestly think they were both wrong. For one thing, as you pointed out, the bus was in motion and it was dangerous for them to be up and about cuz anything could have happened. Second of all, they are at that age where hometraining 101 is to begin, full fledge. Manners and respect are so uncommon these days for young folks (and some old ones too) that it would be no surprise that this is exactly how it all begins.

As for the old man, even if the kids were getting on his nerves, as I'm sure they were and I know the feeling, he was probably just being mean and nasty himself. I have been "accosted" by small, unruly children in public before and I roll with the punches. I might talk to them myself, try to strike up a conversation, see if they know their ABCs or something, hoping it calms them down long enough for everyone to chill. I might play a little game with them, anything. I certainly wouldn't have bothered to say anything to the parents about it cuz to me the situation wasn't that serious.

But I deal with kids all the time in my family so I can understand if everyone's patience with them isn't as good as mine.

bibadiva73 · April 30th, 2006, 12:46 AM

That was wrong. Those parents need parenting classes and secondly, I find that people don't want you to say a word to their kids even if they are clearly wrong. They find it offensive and think that you are accusing them of being a bad parent--which is ignorant. As a parent, I strive to have better control over my son with an even balance of disclipline and love. Even though he's two-and-a half, he knows full well what "No" means. It's simple, if he acts up in public, he has to face the consequences. They have to learn what boundaries and respect are at a young age. The problem is that too many parents let their kids do what they please, then when they are 16 and in trouble, they wonder what happened to them. Core training begins at 2 because that is really when their personalitiesare beginning to take shape. I used to teach preschool, so I've dealt with all kinds of kids.

lapsdad · April 30th, 2006, 01:48 AM

The Mom I mentioned usually gives in to whatever her kids want, when they don't get what they want when THEY want it they scream, kick the back of the car seat, throw things, basically what ever they feel like doing and she just gives them whatever they want to make them happy. She told me once that "I have sanity to maintain". She got mad at me when she said they needed "direction"...and I agreed. Asked me if I thought they were bad, when I said yes she flipped out on me. They really control her.