Quote:
Originally Posted by lady4peace
I'm new to the forum and naiive in my early 40's. I've known & been dating a man on & off for 19 years. He was previously married w/ children and still has some drama now, although his "baby" is full grown. I've never been married & have no children. I'm independent financially, intelligent but with less worldy sophistication. When I found out he was cheating on me years ago, I tried to leave and started seeing another. He pursued me & I forgave him (more than once), but finally we separated for 3 years until I returned and knocked on his door. I realize now I should have let the man come to me, if/when he is ready. I moved in with him a few years ago, but moved out after almost 2 yrs. of living under his roof. He disappears about once or twice a month, and we almost live separate lives, since he is so busy. He has a key to come & go at my place, and he is; I do not have a key to his house, and he doesn't like surprise visits. He won't fully commit or marry, although he often calls me his wife. For years, the excuse was his previous marriage, his kids & their growing problems. Now, he says I am too sensitive and short when I talk to people or I always have an attitude or complain about things. And, if I tell him I am not in the mood for sex, since he has emotionally turned me off, he still expects me to come home after work to be his wife, and forget about the hurt and anger he causes with his disappearing acts. I really love him and he does get attitude from me, because I tell him he does not respect me or our relationship. I have accepted him and all the "baggage" that came along, but he doesn't appreciate it - he acts like it is my duty. I'm not perfect, but I have no drama and am a good woman. I don't want to be a doormat for him to walk over. He knows me better than anyone, and I don't want to start all over in a new relationship when I know he CAN be good to me. He is great when he wants to be. He just agreed to go to pre-marital or pre-commitment counseling. Should we spend the time and money or should I just give him an ultimatum?
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Lady4peace, I truly mean you no disrespect, but sometimes I'm not very tactful, so please give me a little leeway here.
If this situation was not working for you on some level you probably would not be in it. When it stops working for you altogether, you will leave and won't need to seek any advice from anyone else before you go. You'll just know that it's time.
Live for yourself and your Source as you understand it. Damn what other people think of you and your situation, because in the end, only you have to live with yourself and your choices. Your happiness is just that,
YOURS.
Hold your head up, sista. You'll make the right decision for you in your own time.