Originally Posted by lady4peace
I'm new to the forum and naiive in my early 40's. I've known & been dating a man on & off for 19 years.
it does not take a man nearly two decades to decide if he is going to marry you or not.
He was previously married w/ children and still has some drama now,
strike one! strike two!
although his "baby" is full grown. I've never been married & have no children. I'm independent financially, intelligent but with less worldy sophistication. When I found out he was cheating on me years ago, I tried to leave and started seeing another. He pursued me & I forgave him (more than once),
so he's cheated on you on several occasions, what has changed to make him change his actions?
but finally we separated for 3 years until I returned and knocked on his door.
strike three!
I realize now I should have let the man come to me, if/when he is ready.
oh you like all the drama?!?!
I moved in with him a few years ago,
why?!?
but moved out after almost 2 yrs. of living under his roof. He disappears about once or twice a month, and we almost live separate lives,
like i said, you know what's up
since he is so busy. He has a key to come & go at my place, and he is; I do not have a key to his house, and he doesn't like surprise visits.
why does he need a key? and, see my first comment
He won't fully commit or marry, although he often calls me his wife.
you don't think that that isn't messed up?
For years, the excuse was his previous marriage, his kids & their growing problems.
understandable
Now, he says I am too sensitive and short when I talk to people or I always have an attitude or complain about things.
let's assume he is 100% correct, then he should have dropped you years ago, but he didn't did he? so that means that your bringing something to his table.
And, if I tell him I am not in the mood for sex, since he has emotionally turned me off, he still expects me to come home after work to be his wife, and forget about the hurt and anger he causes with his disappearing acts.
what was that?
I really love him and he does get attitude from me, because I tell him he does not respect me or our relationship.
again, "YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP!!!"
I have accepted him and all the "baggage" that came along, but he doesn't appreciate it - he acts like it is my duty.
well as his wife it is your duty....oh wait your not his wife are you?
I'm not perfect, but I have no drama and am a good woman. I don't want to be a doormat for him to walk over.
then pick yourself up off the floor!!
He knows me better than anyone, and I don't want to start all over in a new relationship when I know he CAN be good to me.
you been with the man for 20 years! he better know you more than anyone!
He is great when he wants to be. He just agreed to go to pre-marital or pre-commitment counseling. Should we spend the time and money or should I just give him an ultimatum?
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