Hello board,
I'm new and wanted to vent to someone since I don't feel I can talk my friends ears off.
I've been with a guy now for 18 months. When I met him I had just recently called off an engagement and he had just separated from his wife. We took it slow getting to know each other. Everything was fine until 4 months ago he got a transfer to be closer to his daughter (who is 4 years old). We decided to do a long distance relationship. I was very hesistant because I felt this would end the relationship. He wanted to keep the relationship. He's in a city where all of my family is so it was no big deal because I had planned on getting a transfer one day but because everything was going so great with us I decided to put in a transfer earlier and it will take about a year to complete.
lately he's been going to church. Now he's found the Lord and want to have a celibate relationship. I'm pissed, not that he' s finding himself but that I felt he's using religion as an excuse to eventually say "the Lord told him to end this relationship" ya know some cowardly excuse. I've been down that road before and when I heard it - it took me back about 5 years ago when a guy said that to me and married someone else....Nonetheless I said I would try it because I've had celibate relations before and I tried not to compare him to the last guy who use "God" as an excuse, but now we (current relationship) don't talk as much. He thinks everything is fine. I on the other hand am hurt, embarassed, and not to sure of the future of this relationship. He says I'm making an issue when there is really none and now I have a wall up, Stopped going to see him all because I'm waiting for the day the "religion" excuse is going to come into play. I think we got involved way too soon now that he's trying to, basically, get himself together after we've been together 18 months. I don't think he gave himself enough time after the divorce. I thought, listening to him, we were on the "lifetime" and don't want to give this away so easily. BTW I'm 30 he's 40. Were in the same field and we have a lot in common. My feelings for him superceeds the feelings I had for the ex-fiance and if this fails I will truly feel used and bitter. My ex-fiance has moved on and is getting married and that could be the reason why I feel like such a loser when I look at my situation. Does this relationship sound doomed? He claims he wants this, I am starting to have doubts. I feel so unsure of myself, and this even effects my decisions at my job. They (at my job) say they see a difference in me. they say I don't seem as sure of myself as I use to. I appear to be very indecisive and the job I do I have to be right the first time or people die, now with this crap going on in my life it's effecting me in everyway. I'm lost, hurt, and all of the above.
